So hurt and angry
Mich03
Regular
So here we go.....
Bit of background on us, we have been married 14yrs this yr & have 3dc and are pregnant with #04. Our eldest is 13 next one 10 and youngest 3, September last yr I started to think maybe one more would be nice as the age gap with our biggest 2 to our youngest leaves her very left out and no-one to enjoy being little with (xmas, Easter, trips to the zoo etc all very exciting when ur little) after some more thought I had my implant removed in October and we agreed to see what happened (main thought was if we hadn't caught by March (lo 3rd birthday) we would rethink as didn't want to much of an age gap) anyway we were lucky on got our bfp 6th Jan.
Fast forward to yesterday and myself and oh got into a row about how he always leaves me to carry the responsibility and commitment of the kids and how I need him to grow up and actively take some responsibility for them too after all our son will be 14 this summer so hes had plenty of time to work it out.... and with yet another on the way I'm worried its gonna be even more pressure whilst he still floats around like a care free kid!
Now I know to a point I knew this when we got pregnant with all the younger ones but always thought he would get there in the end but it's simple things like yes he works but that is it !! he leaves me to sort, pay, arrange and coordinate everything that happens. He will use the last of the milk/bread say absolutely nothing go off to work (he works nights) past the shop and does nothing about it ! In the meantime the kids get up for breakfast and theres nothing in !! The list goes on.......
Anyway during all this row he tells me well I wanted a 4th, I pushed for it so shouldn't be complaining! Gutted doesn't even cut it 😥 with my youngest I have to admit I questioned at the time whether it was the right choice as the other 2 were bigger we were just finding our feet financially after 3 redundancies and was all the slags, sluts and whores under the sun for questioning it and yet this time was an active decision where yes he said would we manage financially etc but never said he didn't want it to now this....
Sorry for the long rant but cant get past him saying this was MY choice as though he doesn't want it.... just really dont know what to do now 😭
Bit of background on us, we have been married 14yrs this yr & have 3dc and are pregnant with #04. Our eldest is 13 next one 10 and youngest 3, September last yr I started to think maybe one more would be nice as the age gap with our biggest 2 to our youngest leaves her very left out and no-one to enjoy being little with (xmas, Easter, trips to the zoo etc all very exciting when ur little) after some more thought I had my implant removed in October and we agreed to see what happened (main thought was if we hadn't caught by March (lo 3rd birthday) we would rethink as didn't want to much of an age gap) anyway we were lucky on got our bfp 6th Jan.
Fast forward to yesterday and myself and oh got into a row about how he always leaves me to carry the responsibility and commitment of the kids and how I need him to grow up and actively take some responsibility for them too after all our son will be 14 this summer so hes had plenty of time to work it out.... and with yet another on the way I'm worried its gonna be even more pressure whilst he still floats around like a care free kid!
Now I know to a point I knew this when we got pregnant with all the younger ones but always thought he would get there in the end but it's simple things like yes he works but that is it !! he leaves me to sort, pay, arrange and coordinate everything that happens. He will use the last of the milk/bread say absolutely nothing go off to work (he works nights) past the shop and does nothing about it ! In the meantime the kids get up for breakfast and theres nothing in !! The list goes on.......
Anyway during all this row he tells me well I wanted a 4th, I pushed for it so shouldn't be complaining! Gutted doesn't even cut it 😥 with my youngest I have to admit I questioned at the time whether it was the right choice as the other 2 were bigger we were just finding our feet financially after 3 redundancies and was all the slags, sluts and whores under the sun for questioning it and yet this time was an active decision where yes he said would we manage financially etc but never said he didn't want it to now this....
Sorry for the long rant but cant get past him saying this was MY choice as though he doesn't want it.... just really dont know what to do now 😭
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Replies
firstly i totally understand why you choose to have a fourth child. I had my fourth child for the same reason. My partner was also in agreement but then was awful during the pregnancy. It took till my son was around 6months before he bonded with him but now he is the apple of his daddys eye.
in terms of how helpful your partner is, he probably thinks the older kids look after themselves and has forgotten how hard little ones are. Try talking to him and explaining how hard it is. Maybe try talking to him and explain the things that annoy you.
if bread and milk are an issue maybe buy on set days or have a list on the wall that people can add to when you need something. Or ask him to leave the empty carton or packet out so at least you know what you need.
i think that in alot of families mum tends to be responsible for the kids. I have recently returned to work and my partner is very good with school runs and housework but its me who arranges all appointments sorts out school dinners, parties, uniform, gets everyone dressed in the morning etc. My partner doesnt even work at the moment as he is studying. But untill i went back to work i always sorted the kids and he worked. So its new for all of us. If you have always taken care of it your partner just expects you to do it. Have a converstation and work from there. Lastly congratulations on your pregnancy! I am sure when your little bundle is here your partner will love them to pieces and remember all those pregnancy hormones will be affecting you too x
Probably made it worse for myself as b4 our youngest I was working 30hrs+ a week and dealing with everything then. But I have said to him now I may not be working as many hours (I'm self employed now so can choose what suits) but now I am trying to juggle 3 children at 3 different stages whilst spending half my time so tired now with this pregnancy.
Our eldest is an awkward teenager and being a boy hes just so different but when I say to my oh what did he think feel etc at that age I just get I dont know 🙄 I cant even get advice from him let alone hands on help.
It just feels as though hes never grown up since we met and I have had all the responsibility of raising the kids he made too but if I ever say anything he blames everything and anything else and I feel he wont accept hes in control of changing things.
I think what stuck the knife in was his implication I got what I wanted by having baby #4 if that's how he really feels what future do we have 😥
I drifted from alot of friends when we had our 1st young and was at home with a baby, my friends now are great but he puts on such a show whenever my friends or family are around I dont think they would get what I'm saying.
Thanks for listening to me rant just getting it out helps xx
my older 3 are girls so i don't know much about teenage boys. But hopefully your partner will be better when baby is here!
Our younget has been the hard one as unlike the others she wont sleep in her buggy or car seat, shes suffered from febrile convulsions (both occasions it was me up all night in hospital with her to come home and do the school run to maybe sleep (1 eye open) for a couple of hours then up again to do all normal things needed) yet hes got it hard coz he works !! He never sees no Matter what happens or how hard I have always tried to do the best for all of them and never complained but dont have the sympathy to listen to he has it hard when he does none of it...
He says he doesn't want it to be over but then doesnt change anything I dont know what to say to him anymore.....
you have to do whats right for you if thats breaking up or if thats working on it. If you want to chat you can always pm me!