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Friendship advice

Hi guys, i am looking for some advice. I have a friend. We met 13 years ago in our late teens. We used to hang around after work and go for food etc. She could drive so usually she decided what we did and i went along. She would drive us to another town to shop etc. Id always pay for petrol or a parking ticket. 

7 years ago she fell pregnant and thinhs obviously changed after she had her baby. We still met up but it was in the day. We started going to parks and macdonalds instead, or we would go to eachothers houses. I was fine with all this. I loved her daughter. I babysat her several times in the first year so they could go out pr go to work meetings etc.

I fell pregnant and there was a 19 month gap between our girls. I started to notice changes at this point. My baby was only a few weeks old and she put pressure on me to go to the fair with her. I struggled like crazy to get my carseat in her car and fold down the pram. Then my babies dummy fell on the grass and she screamed for a whole hour. I was so stressed out and my friend just left me to it. I wanted to cry. Then i noticed she was allowing her daughter to snatch bottles and dummies from my newborn. She sat and watched her daughter try rip a bib of her neck whilst screaming mine at my baby. It just continued for 9 months. If we went to my friends my baby was not allowed to hold anything, look at her programs etc. She tried to drag her off things more times than i can count. Each time my friend sat there and barely said oh ella to her. After a heavy candle newrly landed on my babies head i had had enough. I had a friendly chat and suggested a mums night out once a month. Or the odd walk. But no more playdates!! I said both babies were at different ages and they were not mixing/old enough to mix. She stopped talking to me.

A year later we both got pregnamt again. Due 3 months apart. We bonded again and the girls were older. But i have realised that my friend only cares about herself. She does not speak to my kids much when we meet up. She never offers them a drink or a snack if we are at her house. She is constantly moaning about her partner, her kids, not wanting to stay home on her days off etc. She expects to book me in a week in advance on her day off. I just feel like she doesnt give a hoot about my kids. Recently we met up and i realised my daughter feels lonely when its just the one year olds and her. My friends child is now at school. I hate it. My daughter gets bored and plays up. She gets upset if i pick my friends daugter up. My friend never tries to help me if my daughter gets emotional. I always go home thinking why do i put.myself through this to go to the park to keep her happy. She is just wanting to fill her own day up so she has plans throughout the week.

I just dont feel comfortable with someone who cant even say do you want a biscuit or a drink to my kids when we go round. She has had loads of free clothes off me for her youngest. She is always taking but never even thinks i will get her a bar of chocolate to say thanks or offer anything else. Last month she said it was pants that i had workmen coming to do quotes on her day off and i wasnt free. I had a drs appointment the following week and again she made it clear she was disapointed i was busy. She never liked my daughters nursery graduation pics or my status about her first taster at school. No message to see how she did. Again this makes me feel like she does not care about my daughter.

Her mum used to have her daughter every saturday so she could work. Her mum asked her to have her step sister in the school holidays and she moaned and called her cheeky. Her partners mum is struggling to look after her little one now but she still says she will have to have her or i cant work. She is also always slating her friend who spends quite abit kf money on herself and child. She just seems all arpund negative and i dont enjoy her company. She is selfish and puts herself first. 

Anyway she wants to meet friday and ive said yes but im already worried. My daughter wont want to see them. Last time we saw them my daughter badly needed a wee. She is potty trained and dry for over a year. She pulled her pants down in a lane (path trees both side) and she went to squat for a wee. My friend said in disgust what is she doing. I whipped her pants back up before she did it and made her hold it in. She never usually does this but she was bursting. I felt so embarassed because of her response. She stated her kids had never done that. 

I dunno. Should i see her occasionally when i get nothing out of it? I just feel lonely and the fear of cutting myself off from one of my last 2 friends is hard. Although my daughter goes to school september and ive already been chatting to a couple of nice mums. Help

Please dont think im being horrible. It was hard for me to write this all down x


  • Hi hun,
    Honestly I think its time to move on. She is only bringing negativity to your life and sometimes its better to be alone then have someone in your life who makes you feel bad. You are just not jelling. I cant say if she cares or not. She probably does and you are probably a massive support in her life but what is the point if you don’t get anything back. 

    You will make new friends. You will talk to people at school and have play dates. I also suggest that you try and find some groups to attend with your one year old. There are lots of free ones at sure start centres or nice toddler groups at church halls. I know it takes time to make friends. It took me ages with my first, probably a year seeing the same people at groups but those friends are my best friends now and my oldest daughter is nearly 12! Don't feel guilty! You deserve a better friend 
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