So scared.
I have 6 weeks & a day left and I am getting really scared.
I know someone with a 14 week old and I am rubbish with him! It always feels so awkward holding babies, and I've never changed a nappy before so have no idea how to do anything. When my lo's born he will have a big family (all who I bet are brilliant with kids) and I know he is going to get passed around and it makes me so upset to think he might love someone else more than me, or someone else might be better with him. People are going to be visiting constantly and wanting to hold him, and I'm dreading it, this sounds mean and overreacting but it makes my blood run cold, that he's been mine exclusively for 9 months, I don't know how I'll cope if someone else does it all better!
This sounds awful but I really don't like the thought of others holding him in case he 'prefers' them! I am terrible with babies as well so I can see it happening. I don't know how to tell people about this as it sounds stupid like I just want him to myself. But the truth is I am so worried about looking after a baby (babies hate me).
My OH is completely unhelpful, all he says is you will be great.
Am I weird? Help!!!
I know someone with a 14 week old and I am rubbish with him! It always feels so awkward holding babies, and I've never changed a nappy before so have no idea how to do anything. When my lo's born he will have a big family (all who I bet are brilliant with kids) and I know he is going to get passed around and it makes me so upset to think he might love someone else more than me, or someone else might be better with him. People are going to be visiting constantly and wanting to hold him, and I'm dreading it, this sounds mean and overreacting but it makes my blood run cold, that he's been mine exclusively for 9 months, I don't know how I'll cope if someone else does it all better!
This sounds awful but I really don't like the thought of others holding him in case he 'prefers' them! I am terrible with babies as well so I can see it happening. I don't know how to tell people about this as it sounds stupid like I just want him to myself. But the truth is I am so worried about looking after a baby (babies hate me).
My OH is completely unhelpful, all he says is you will be great.
Am I weird? Help!!!
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Replies
Your baby won't like anyone more than you as even the sound of your heartbeat will comfort him as he has been listening it for 9 months.
You never know, once the baby is here you might be glad of a little break while someone else holds him for a while.
I know it's hard but try not to worry about it hun, you will know your baby, and what he likes more than anyone else.
Faith.xxx
I feel exactly the same as you. I have never changed a nappy, never been around young babies and don't know what you are meant to do with them. I was so shocked they needed food every 2-3 hours! Everything I read I just think, 'oh my god, what have we done'.
I just think we'll manage and I am sure you will too. If you get the nappy on the wrong way round, well, so what, my view is when you've had to clean up poo from it's trousers several times you'll learn to get it right.
I don't think anyone will be better at it than you. He is yours and you have carried him for 9 months. I've decided to cut my visitors down after the birth and maybe you could do the same. Also, it might seem someone is 'better' but don't forget they are not up throughout the night and bloody knackered looking after a newborn.
Try not to worry. You will be fine.
We have been trying for a baby for two and a half years - & Up till recently I hated being pregnant! & I've been having anxious thoughts about will I be able - how will I know what to do - what if I sleep through a feed through sheer exhaustion - Am I ready?
My OH is one of 6 and is an Uncle to 17 he became an uncle at 4 and is now also a granduncle at the ripe old age of 25... All his sisters (4) seem to have it in there blood - pop babies out, cope, still manage to look fab and be fantastic parents with well behaved loved secure children - I hope that I won't be inadequate by comparison... I on the other hand am an only child with very little experience.
It's only recently that I've started to enjoy the attention that being pregnant brings - in a shop yesterday I asked about a maternity swim suit and the shop assistant rubbed my belly lol? - on the tube later going to see Afrika Afrika at the O2... the tube was jolting around and somebody I didn't know held my arm to make sure I wasn't knocked over - I've had complete strangers - just smile almost grin at my protruding bump! It's because it's a different type of attention - normally I will be complemented by having the -Phwarr factor' as apposed to being a frumpy big mama! But getting my head around it - and starting to love this little life I'm growing all just me!
& while he is in there he is mine - I don't have to share him, I know I can do by best by what I eat and drink and how I can take care of myself and that it is rapped up safe and warm with all his needs being met!!
They say this is the easy bit - not that encouraging when you are finding pregnancy Sooo hard! But the thing is - the pregnancy for me has seems too gone in a flash and only now I'm starting to enjoy it!
I think the thing with it all is you always look back through rose tinted glasses... and to just try and enjoy each stage as it comes... when your pregnant enjoy your pregnancy... When you have a new born and are exhausted just try to enjoy it remembering they are only that little for such a short period of time, we all spend our time wishing it away so we can just catch a minute of sleep and before we realise its all gone and were onto the next stage! & in some ways although it frightening prospect letting them go a little bit, you'll soon be reassured when the baby will ONLY settle with you because you know best - lol and I'm sure at the time I'll be wishing please just go to daddy for a few minutes so I can have a bath ect... even thought I'm really anxious about where baby's and daddy affection is going (I've not had to share either of them as of yet - Daddy is mine and baby is mine if that makes sense and of course they will love each other and I want them too) - it the nature of changing a relationship to a family and to remember that love doesn't run out... you don't only get so much and when it's used up it cant be replenished! That your baby can love you and other people too and no ones love is compromised!
Just think all those babies you think hate you - don't really its just THEY prefer mummy! & that will be the same for you and me too!
And really if someone with a little more experience is willing to give you time while you just wash your hair that it means the time you have with the little one will be so much more valuable because you won't have to be preoccupied with ALL the other things you have to do!
I'm sure people will make comments when the time comes even if it's not meant maliciously that makes us feel criticised and I when the time comes will remind them that only I am this child's mother that I make the decisions about his care and that I am new to this and that I love him and I am doing the best job I can with the skills I have got... that I will learn from my mistakes... I will remind them that they were once new mums too and that I don't need to be undermined but support would be appreciated & just because I do something a bit different from them that it by no means implies I'm wrong.
There is no harm in telling EVERYONE you want some bonding time with your son and later when you are ready they may visit! Let me know how it feels when the time comes xxx
Pregnancy for me has been a piece of cake so maybe that's why I am worrying. I only had sickness for a few weeks and tho I am slightly uncomfortable and heavy now, normally I just feel like myself with a bump! xxx
I'm on my 4th child and my 2nd dd (17years) tells me that I'm still not responsible enough to have children! I do things like forget to feed them and stuff but they keep hanging around, so I guess I'm not too bad!!!! LOL
Karenxx
27+1
These feelings are natural, but trust me chick, these people might give good cuddles, but you will give him food, straight off making YOU his favourite person.
I have had 2 as well, and I am all nervous again. I think anyone who has no qualms at all isn't natural, so it is fine honestly.
it must be love i loved your post becouse everything you said is so true in fact you made me cryx
He he - naughty but very funny West Brom!
Kx
27+1
xxxxxx
Westbrom- your comments are so reassuring, it sounds like you are doing a fantastic job.
Jellyfishpink- You are not the only teacher that feels like that, my class drive me up the wall sometimes (often!) but at the end of the day they are my class and no matter how good another teacher is they never do things in quite the same way.
xxx
Jellyfishpink, I am the same, I like to think I'm good with children and toddlers but babies are a whole different ball game arent they! They can't tell you what they want for one! lol xxx
As for visitors..if you don't want visitors start laying down the law now about when people can come and for how long... I said right from early pregnancy that I didn't want visitors for a week, it took ages to get that through to parents ..although that didn't stop them staying a lot longer than they were supposed to when visiting (my parents turned up early and the inlaws stayed half an hour past visiting hours... when I was meant to be resting!!). If you are in hospital you can ask them not to let any visitors in to you if you want. I am glad i kept people away - I tried to only have one visitor a day and not every day..the day 3 lots of people turned up was a nightmare!! I used the excuse of wanting to get lo settled in a routine as a reason to keep people away... but I really needed the time in peace with hubby and lo to rest and get used to our boy without interuptions.
I totally understand what you mean about other people holding lo - my inlaws were up this weekend and I was twitching every time MIL was slobbering kisses all over my poor lo... and I was close to thumping my mother when I went round and she grabbed lo in his car seat and ran off into the house with him! LO is 12 weeks old and I won't let parents have him.. my mum is desperate to get her hands on him wihtout me there but its not happening! MIL had the pushchair when we were out and about and I don't think she was impressed with me following her around but I wasn't letting her wander off with my boy! Its totally natural to want to keep your lo to yourself... maybe one day I'll stop twitching when my mother tries to grab lo before he's even out of his pram but I doubt it!
Remember you and your oh will be the ones that will be around all the time, you will be feeding, bathing, changing etc..even if there are other people around taking your lo, you two will still be the ones that lo will prefer because you are there always... and you will get to know your lo best and what is best for them..it may take a little time but you will. Maybe you can make sure that you and oh do certain things with lo that noone else gets involved in so thats your special time - hubby does this with bathtime... he's awfully protective of his bathtime with lo.
I get fed up of my mother and mil not believing me when I want my boy back cause he needs his nappy changing..they don't think I know best but I do! You really will get to be the same and you will fi gure out lo's signals for whats wrong.. why they are crying or fussing.
My hubby was really worried he wouldn't be a good dad and know what to do with lo..pretty much the same kind of worries you have and he is fantastic with lo...he really is - he has such a great bond with lo...
Sorry this has rambled a bit..I'm kinda sleepy - hope it makes sense!!