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My mum is going to drive me NUTS !
Ladies,
Firstly sorry for the long post.
i have an issue, which im sure due to being pregnant is seeming so much harder to deal with.
So i am hoping i can gain from your advice/experience and expertise.
My mum and i didnt talk for about a year due to some issues which are irrelevant really, but know we are back in touch and meet up etc.
I am 22 wks pregnant and she is over the moon, knitting away. Which im so happy about.
The problem is is she is set in her ways of how to do things etc and keeps telling me what i should and shouldnt do. Silly things that i should not really worry about are really stressing me out.
She is knitting stuff that i would really put my child in . Ive told her NOT to knit big things yet shes knitted for a 12 month old - a romper suit with ears. Saying "well i think its cute". This is not the biggest thing though.
She wants to come and stay for 6 weeks after i give birth. Instead of saying "oh i want to come and look after you and help you" etc. she told me "well you wont know what to do with the baby - how to bath it, change its nappy and you'll need some-one there to tell you". I did tell her actually it would be nice if you could help with the house/cooking and she ignored me and said "well i found it hard when i had you so you need someone there to tell you waht to do" AAARTRRRGGGGHHHHH.
I know this is my first baby, but i am not STUPID. i am 35 and she treats me like a incapable child!
Shes told me i prob wont be able to breast feed beyond a month cus thats all she could do with me and your body doesnt produce enough for the first baby. Again AAARRRGGGHHH. I thought everyone and every pregnancy was different - am i STUPID.
Then she showed me a qiult for the cot, to which i told her no point yet as i wont be using it until the baby is about 1 dye to recommendations. So she asked me "Are you going to make the baby freeze to death then. Again AAARRRGGGHHHH, weve alreadty had the conversation about the cellular blankets and she said I KNOW!
I showed her a book (Staurt Cambell - where he goes thru wk by wk with 3d scan pic) and she did a quick scan and said " oh we had these when you were born"...AAAAAAARRRGGGGGHHHHH, no you didnt . This is new technology, NOT 36 YEARS OLD !!!!!
If she stays ahe will constantly critise me. You dont know this - that-the other.
Thing is when i was 16 i looked after my little bro alot, changed his nappies, bottle fed him - thats all forgotten now!
I cant say no to her completely, so me and OH have agreed to say she can come for 2 wks, my othert half will be there too at the time and he said he will manage her.
But she will try and take over - i bet you i will hear from her that the baby likes her more than me.
Dont get me worng ladies, her issues are not that she is evil, shes had it hard and had a lot of citicism so she does it to build her own self up (at my expense). She never says anything positive to me.
I know i will have to have some words with her and i am prepared for some, but do any of you have any advice on how to deal with someone like that. her heart is in the right place, she just is like an old woman that doesnt let up !
As i say i cant not let her stay - i actually want her to be part of it - just not at my sanities expense.
Please help if you can ! xx
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Replies
i will try my best to balance it. Just dont know if ill be able to do it without losing my temper. She loves babies, but she doesnt do boundrys very well !!!
Thanks again x
I think you need to be straight with her and tell her that you will manage fine after the birth. You will be more than capable and you want to be left alone with your baby to learn by yourselves in the early days. Set her a certain time that she can come and make it clear as to whether she is allowed to stay overnight or not etc.
Ooh, knitted romper suit for a 1 year old with ears - I think that's your biggest problem!!!!
I think Lolly's right, she probably misses you and your bro and if you weren't in touch for a while she's may be trying to make up for that (but going completely the wrong way about it!)
I think maybe you're going to have to take the 'advice' with a pinch of salt and let it wash over you.
I have the same thing going on with my MIL trying to tell me all these old Jamaican wives tales that are complete rubbish 90% of the time. She thinks I follow all her advice to a T, but I give her ear time out of respect and then go home and do my own thing!!
Lolly, even if your mum has had 12 kids, you are still allowed to find your own way of parenting whilst taking on board (or not) your mums valuable advice.
Families huh?!
Karenxx
12 days to go
As for romper suit i'd imagine it will be near impossible to get a screaming 12month one in it anyway so it'll look lovely hung in the wardrobe! good luck and congratulations
artygal: my inlaws phoned us and told us it was ok now we could call our lo zachariah as they now approved .... like we actually cared what they thought, i was half tempted to change it just to p*ss them off, they huffed about every name when really its none of their business... also id imagine when burgess gets old enough he'll kick up enough stink himself about nan getting his name wrong
mothers... Aaaarrrggh, lets hope we learn from them and their mistakes
forgot to mention new borns tend to sleep most the time so she wont be able to help you with that much
[Modified by: waiting4baby on May 23, 2008 09:37 AM]
Like the advice before I proved her wrong and i could cope and manage fine by myself. All i can say is i wish i had said something right at the start and not left it to mount up over 6 months, it was such a huge weight off of my shoulders.
Well good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and whatever you decide to do. Take care xxx
Good luck dark chocolate - she sounds a big pain, I wouldn't have her over for a fortnight let alone 6 weeks, but you obviously have the patience of a saint! Karen makes a good point about giving ear-time and then doing your own thing.
My MIL's knitting like mad - not sure how comfy it'll be but it can be worn for a photo and then put away again... perhaps she's just not that good at getting the size right?
for your advice and for the laughs ive had reading the replies. Not that im laughing at your pain but laughing at the fact that im not the only one suffering !
Mothers not caring enough - involved too much - some are great !- or just plain me me me.
Seems we all have our crosses to bear.
But youve all been so helpful with your advice.
I am just one big hormonal ranting little person at mo so lose my temper very easily, (kezzie79 i dont know how you took it for 6mnths) so i am worried about losing it with her.
She is lovely really, tries toooooo hard though. if you just mention one thing she'll have bought it for you, or if you mention food she'll have cooked it for you !
Laughing about the comments about the romper suit, ive told her not to knit anymore of those so she will be laying off
I do feel bad too as some poeple are not lucky enough , either mums not interested or mums not around, which i think is sad.
I will take the advice given, and good luck to all of you aswell.
Thanks so much xx
I spent the first 6 months of my prg complaining about what a pain my mum would be when the baby comes and dreading her taking over and telling me im doing stuff wrong...then when i was 27 weeks, she passed away! and now i want her here more than anything!!
so i guess im saying, just try to remember when she is on at you that if she wasnt around you would be much worse off. I think you will be much more confident in telling her to shut her pie hole when your lo is here as you will know that you do know best! good luck hun!
x x
She did my head in when I first announced my pregnancy.... Thought I was bonkers for wanting to resuable nappies but only through her own ignorance and memories of Terry squares, once I spent the time to re-educate her and explain what the 21st Centuary washable nappies are like she has been ok. Although she is hell bent that we use disposables when we go to visit. She still thinks I'm barking for wanting to express my own milk and went out and got me a Taggie toy so I wouldn't use a soother :roll: But I've since learnt using soothers can be problematic if breastfeeding so maybe not entirely a bad thing on her part!! I'll forgive her for that one
My MIL is indifferent, she cares and asks me how I am but she is kinda leaving me to it... Maybe because her other DIL miscarried at 5 months in Janurary and things are still very raw for the family