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If you've just miscarried and need some support

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  • My gp and all other gps are too stupid to admit I got hashimotos. I was diagnosed by polish endo in 2015, and in this country they still don't get it. I got raging autoantibodies confirmed several times and hormones going haywire rapidly. At least they gave me meds, I'm currently doing immunology course at university to enhance my knowledge coz I don't trust drs. I even wrote essay about mcs with relation to immune system recently. 

    Obviously, else are thyroid hormones making mess, which is likely, else my other autoantibodies (I have others confirmed) making mess. As for drs they say thyroid doesn't need to be tested sooner than every 2 months coz hormones don't change that fast. But ofc when I had total tsh suppression to 0 without meds, which suddenly turned into tsh 7 in 4 weeks they started to listen. Good my endo in here was reasonable enough to put a note in file for immediate meds in case of pregnancy coz those duft morons argued with me about tsh norm in pregnancy. Only to call back apologise and admit I was right. So yeah I got meds I get testes more often, but when I come and demand testing coz I feel bad (I already can recognise it) they test, results come borderline but in norm. They say it's not thyroid causing this and don't increase dose coz its in norm, who cares I'm floored. So I go home and increase dose myself, two months later they retest, before results I admit I increased dose two months ago and turns out my results are again borderline and I have done well increasing, but they will not increase more anyway. 

    With hashi, hormones can fluctuate a lot during destruction stages, if I don't get meds on time, one flare can make me miscarry.
  • Sorry that came out as a long rant apologies 
  • Hi guys, hope you don’t mind if I join. I had a miscarriage on November 25th right before Thanksgiving. I was about 6 weeks along and lost the baby. The whole day spent at the ER was traumatizing enough on its own, after all the tests they had to do. Thanksgiving spent with my family was much, much harder than I expected it to be. Hubby and I had just told our families we were pregnant about a week before the miscarriage. My sister is 9 months pregnant, I have a 3 month old nephew, and a 6 month pregnant cousin. All my family talked about throughout Thanksgiving gatherings was babies. It was like a knife to the heart each time. This was my first pregnancy. My mother, sisters, and mother in law have never lost a baby. I had feared a miscarriage very much, and they all assured me that it wouldn’t happen to me because it never happened to any of them. Just feeling very down and out. Having a very hard time being happy for expecting parents right now. Please tell me it gets better.
  • @MadDoda I can understand you. That's why I am trying to avoid doctors at all cost and one of reasons I become naturopath a d alternative medicine practitioner.
    @abbyttc at some point it will hun,but it will takes time... After my first MC I couldn't be near babies or baby related things...my husband took me out for a coffee and I saw lady breastfeeding baby and I burst in tears, going to get some clothes to my 5 year old I cried just cos I knew near a newborn clothes and ect.... Took me a good 2 month to recover, but unfortunately I had another mc, this time was easier as I knew about pregnancy for about a week and no one else knew about it, so I was fine, till I found out I am pregnant again and after 3 days I had another mc... At that point I felt so broken, I was crying, screaming and boxing like mad... It helped and we decided to tak a break so my body can recover and my mind settle a bit... And after 2 cycles I fell preg ant again. (never planned it, just happened) and this one was successful pregnancy but full of anxiety. Little bit of back story, before first MC I had 2 healthy pregnancies, without any symptoms or complications, both delivered on EDD and I ever thought I can mc as I am very healthy person....but it did happened and there is nothing to do with me or my husband, it just meant to happen I think
  • @abbyttc hey
    im so sorry to hear about your miscarriage, i too have had 2 this year and its awful mentally physically emotionally every way possible you will hurt but it will get easier.
    you will never forget and it may take you a long time to get over it but thats okay.
    some days even months down the line you will still cry. 
    Every pregnancy is a new sperm so it doesnt mean it will happen again, although it can do it doesnt mean it will. I like to think that it happened for a reason that they were too ill and wouldnt have been a fair life for them.
    my inbox is always open if you want to talk x
  • Hello, just needing a little support if you dont mind me joining? I've had a little look through your stories. I'm so sorry for what you're all going through. @MadDoda I cant imagine how frustrating it must be for you knowing and understanding the cause of your mc and getting no help from your dr! @abbyttc it seems you have so many babies in the family, that must make it so hard. Especially as no one seems to understand what you're going through. @Amnx I'm so sorry you've had to go through this twice. Hopefully the new year will bring some hope and be the year for you to have a healthy pregnancy. 
    I had a miscarriage on Friday. I had a heavy bleed, and went to hospital to find the baby has no heartbeat. I was 10+3 and baby stopped growing at 9 weeks. I need to go back on friday for another scan and then to discuss removal of the baby. I dont think my body is going to do it naturally as I've stopped bleeding for a few days now and the pains are hardly there anymore. I'm feeling so sad and so angry. I'm very lucky to have an amazing husband and a 2 and a half year old son keeping me busy. But I'm finding that if I'm alone, not distracted, or through the night, that I cant stand to be in my own head. I'm also getting frustrated at the way people are treating me. I know that no one knows what to say or do in this situation, but so many people are just ignoring it completely and not talking to me. Or else saying a quick sorry and then moving on as if everything is back to normal. I want people to realise that this was my baby and I need to grieve. I'm dreading christmas because I just don't want to spend a day with people avoiding my eye contact and trying not to get into conversation with me. Dont get me wrong, some people have been absolutely amazing and so supportive. But I just feel so many people dont know what to say or do. Am I totally crazy and irrational or do you feel the same? 
    How long did you take off work? I'm going to get a sick note as with being back at hospital on friday I know I wont be able to go back then. But I feel like it's going to be ages before I'm emotionally ready to go back to normal. The thought of putting on a happy face and going to work is terrifying! Especially because I was at work when I had the bleed and I dont know how I'm going to ever walk back into that toilet without crying. Sorry for the really long message. I just needed to get some stuff off my chest xxxx
  • Hello, just needing a little support if you dont mind me joining? I've had a little look through your stories. I'm so sorry for what you're all going through. @MadDoda I cant imagine how frustrating it must be for you knowing and understanding the cause of your mc and getting no help from your dr! @abbyttc it seems you have so many babies in the family, that must make it so hard. Especially as no one seems to understand what you're going through. @Amnx I'm so sorry you've had to go through this twice. Hopefully the new year will bring some hope and be the year for you to have a healthy pregnancy. 
    I had a miscarriage on Friday. I had a heavy bleed, and went to hospital to find the baby has no heartbeat. I was 10+3 and baby stopped growing at 9 weeks. I need to go back on friday for another scan and then to discuss removal of the baby. I dont think my body is going to do it naturally as I've stopped bleeding for a few days now and the pains are hardly there anymore. I'm feeling so sad and so angry. I'm very lucky to have an amazing husband and a 2 and a half year old son keeping me busy. But I'm finding that if I'm alone, not distracted, or through the night, that I cant stand to be in my own head. I'm also getting frustrated at the way people are treating me. I know that no one knows what to say or do in this situation, but so many people are just ignoring it completely and not talking to me. Or else saying a quick sorry and then moving on as if everything is back to normal. I want people to realise that this was my baby and I need to grieve. I'm dreading christmas because I just don't want to spend a day with people avoiding my eye contact and trying not to get into conversation with me. Dont get me wrong, some people have been absolutely amazing and so supportive. But I just feel so many people dont know what to say or do. Am I totally crazy and irrational or do you feel the same? 
    How long did you take off work? I'm going to get a sick note as with being back at hospital on friday I know I wont be able to go back then. But I feel like it's going to be ages before I'm emotionally ready to go back to normal. The thought of putting on a happy face and going to work is terrifying! Especially because I was at work when I had the bleed and I dont know how I'm going to ever walk back into that toilet without crying. Sorry for the really long message. I just needed to get some stuff off my chest xxxx
    It's really hard miscarrying. I lost my bub at 8 weeks in September. It's the worst, everyone wanting you to move on and be 'thankful' for what you do have. Ugh! Give us a break. People need to let you grieve. It wasn't just a foetus or whatever they call it. It was your baby and it was real and it crushes you. I will say, I still hurt over it, and I probably always will, but time heals and you won't feel this way forever. Some days will be better where you think you're getting better and reaching the 'end' of the grief and then you'll get days that just beat you down and it all comes crashing back. But just know that eventually, you'll start having more good days than bad and one day, even though you'll always miss bub and hurt for bub, it won't hurt as bad and it won't be in your every thought and you'll be able to move on, while still remembering your beautiful baby. I chose to memorialise my lost baby, by naming him/her and by buying a pair of ornaments. One is an angel sitting on a rock that stays in our bedroom and the other is a little porcelain baby with wings sleeping that I put under my Christmas tree. Know that however you choose to grieve and memorialise your baby is up to you and there is no wrong way to do it. Whatever you feel is right. I am celebrating baby's due date by sharing a bottle of port that I bought just after the miscarriage with a select few people. I feel better knowing that our baby won't be forgotten. My husband and I will always remember him or her and a select few people know too. I would have told more people, because I felt like people needed to know that my baby had existed (I hadn't announced him yet), but my husband is very private, so we kept it to only close friends and family who we knew we could trust. I hope your pain eases soon. Do what you need to and feel how you feel. The pain will ease with time. xx
  • People who never experience that will not understand... But loss is a loss. It is hard and you will remember about it for a long time, but try to think that your lost baby will be happy in heaven and its a lot better than fight illness or abnormality here (I had 3 losses and this thought helped me go through it) 
  • hey 
    Hello, just needing a little support if you dont mind me joining? I've had a little look through your stories. I'm so sorry for what you're all going through. @MadDoda I cant imagine how frustrating it must be for you knowing and understanding the cause of your mc and getting no help from your dr! @abbyttc it seems you have so many babies in the family, that must make it so hard. Especially as no one seems to understand what you're going through. @Amnx I'm so sorry you've had to go through this twice. Hopefully the new year will bring some hope and be the year for you to have a healthy pregnancy. 
    I had a miscarriage on Friday. I had a heavy bleed, and went to hospital to find the baby has no heartbeat. I was 10+3 and baby stopped growing at 9 weeks. I need to go back on friday for another scan and then to discuss removal of the baby. I dont think my body is going to do it naturally as I've stopped bleeding for a few days now and the pains are hardly there anymore. I'm feeling so sad and so angry. I'm very lucky to have an amazing husband and a 2 and a half year old son keeping me busy. But I'm finding that if I'm alone, not distracted, or through the night, that I cant stand to be in my own head. I'm also getting frustrated at the way people are treating me. I know that no one knows what to say or do in this situation, but so many people are just ignoring it completely and not talking to me. Or else saying a quick sorry and then moving on as if everything is back to normal. I want people to realise that this was my baby and I need to grieve. I'm dreading christmas because I just don't want to spend a day with people avoiding my eye contact and trying not to get into conversation with me. Dont get me wrong, some people have been absolutely amazing and so supportive. But I just feel so many people dont know what to say or do. Am I totally crazy and irrational or do you feel the same? 
    How long did you take off work? I'm going to get a sick note as with being back at hospital on friday I know I wont be able to go back then. But I feel like it's going to be ages before I'm emotionally ready to go back to normal. The thought of putting on a happy face and going to work is terrifying! Especially because I was at work when I had the bleed and I dont know how I'm going to ever walk back into that toilet without crying. Sorry for the really long message. I just needed to get some stuff off my chest xxxx
    hey, it wont let me tag you for some reason.
    I am so sorry you are going through this and I hope you take as much time as you need to heal. thank you for your message to me. 
    I agree, people don't know what to say or how to act around us when this happens especially men, try not to think too much into it. 
    have you thought about your options?
    the 2nd time I went for a d&c and I am glad I did it that way, I didn't want to feel the pain and see what I saw the first time again, I think I coped better having the d&c emotionally and physically as its all gone away in one and you don't see it I found it easier. you will never forget whats happened but you will learn to cope with it.
    Just remember that next time it doesn't mean this will happen again, every pregnancy is a new egg and new sperm. it could be that the baby was so poorly and that's why the pregnancy didn't continue.
    I had my d&c on the Monday, worked from home weds-fri and went back the following Monday, for me I need to be kept busy to not think about it so as soon as I was physically feeling better I wanted to go back. 
    my inbox is always open if you want to talk
    sending you lots of love xx
  • Thank you so much @Sunflowerkisses @Sigsauer and @Amnx for your amazing replies. I cant tell you how much they mean to me. I definitely want to do something to memorialise the baby. We are thinking of planting something in the garden after winter and getting a plaque made. I've also ordered a feather Christmas tree decoration and a bracelet to wear. I think I'm going to go for the d&c as i want to get it over. Pleased to know it's not very painful. Part of me wants to see the baby but not sure if that would be a good idea or not. It's so hard to know the best thing to do and how to cope, but thank you for sharing your experiences and reassuring me that it does get a little easier. I dont ever want to forget my baby, but I do want to get to a point where I can sit alone without finding I cant stand to breathe! I've never known emotional pain like it and it breaks my heart that so many people go through this and go through things even worse than this xxx
  • I had a footprint earring, and want to do tattoo, but it will not be at anytime soon as I had my rainbow baby and breastfeeding him so will wait till we finished and then will have tattoo
  • yeah I wanted to see mine after d&c but I forgot to ask, I would say not to though really as when you come round from the anaesthetic you may be really emotional and out of it for a while and seeing it may make you worse. I am terrified of needles but was fine, you feel abit dizzy and all over the place when you wake up and they will keep you in till you have eaten, drank and urinated.
    I agree I never knew the emotional pain would be so bad, I find myself still filling up at new born babies xx
  • @MrsB2010 I agree with everything the ladies have said. I find these boards so helpful. I lost 2 babies last year. One at 20/21 weeks,(my little boy) and I had to give birth to him and the other at 11 weeks where I had a d and c. I found the d and c less traumatic personally but it could’ve been other things too. I was still grieving the loss of my little boy. It wasn’t painful and I healed physically really quickly.

    personally I’m not sure seeing your baby at this gestation would help you but I’m not a doctor/nurse so I would suggest asking them- I found them very helpful with questions like this because they have so much experience in it unfortunately.

    as for keeping your baby’s memory alive, I wear a bracelet with a baby grow on it and have an angel wing necklace that I wear too. I think planting a tree or something similar is a lovely idea too. 

    I do know how devastating it is and I still get very emotional about my babies now. If I’m honest I still struggle sometimes but I’m happy to say that I have my rainbow baby now- Matilda- she’s 4 months old and amazing.

    good things will happen to you but you have to get through this heartache first. You will get your baby!

    sending you a big virtual hug and message me at any time if you need anything.xxxx 
  • Hello, just needing a little support if you dont mind me joining? I've had a little look through your stories. I'm so sorry for what you're all going through. @MadDoda I cant imagine how frustrating it must be for you knowing and understanding the cause of your mc and getting no help from your dr! @abbyttc it seems you have so many babies in the family, that must make it so hard. Especially as no one seems to understand what you're going through. @Amnx I'm so sorry you've had to go through this twice. Hopefully the new year will bring some hope and be the year for you to have a healthy pregnancy. 
    I had a miscarriage on Friday. I had a heavy bleed, and went to hospital to find the baby has no heartbeat. I was 10+3 and baby stopped growing at 9 weeks. I need to go back on friday for another scan and then to discuss removal of the baby. I dont think my body is going to do it naturally as I've stopped bleeding for a few days now and the pains are hardly there anymore. I'm feeling so sad and so angry. I'm very lucky to have an amazing husband and a 2 and a half year old son keeping me busy. But I'm finding that if I'm alone, not distracted, or through the night, that I cant stand to be in my own head. I'm also getting frustrated at the way people are treating me. I know that no one knows what to say or do in this situation, but so many people are just ignoring it completely and not talking to me. Or else saying a quick sorry and then moving on as if everything is back to normal. I want people to realise that this was my baby and I need to grieve. I'm dreading christmas because I just don't want to spend a day with people avoiding my eye contact and trying not to get into conversation with me. Dont get me wrong, some people have been absolutely amazing and so supportive. But I just feel so many people dont know what to say or do. Am I totally crazy and irrational or do you feel the same? 
    How long did you take off work? I'm going to get a sick note as with being back at hospital on friday I know I wont be able to go back then. But I feel like it's going to be ages before I'm emotionally ready to go back to normal. The thought of putting on a happy face and going to work is terrifying! Especially because I was at work when I had the bleed and I dont know how I'm going to ever walk back into that toilet without crying. Sorry for the really long message. I just needed to get some stuff off my chest xxxx
    Hi, I also had a mc this Friday it's my 4th (3rd consecutive in 6months), I'm finally getting some help...

    I'm so sorry for your loss, there is no way ppl who didn't go though this will understand. I made last attempt over the weekend and told my sister u know what she told me? 'I'm miscarrying every month coz of my iud' I didn't even continue conversation and I will never so this mistake again. So definitely stay with us, we can understand you, you can pop me a msg whenever you feel down, I'm always around. It will hurt it will always stay with u from now on, bit it will be easier over time. You have all the right to feel what u feel.

    We decides to do Xmas alone, not seeing anyone and I'm happy about it. That's exactly what I need. 
  • @MadDoda, that was so insensitive of your sister and a little ridiculous. It’s nothing like the same. I’m sure she wasn’t trying to be hurtful but it is a little hard to understand. Maybe she just doesn’t know what to say??? God knows. I’m just glad the docs are on the case now and hopefully something will help so that next time you get a sticky bean.xxxx
  • @EmJ3 thank you, wellies complicated with her. She had only one pregnancy with extreme complications, she never mced, but gave birth to baby at 30weeks which stopped growing St 24th, he is now 12. And requires years of care, he is like normal kid, but it was hours and hours if constant exercises and rehabilitation. So she can't comprahend what I feel and in same time she can't see passed what happened to her. I still hope for some support, was my mistake. 

    Well I'm gonna tell them what treatment I want and back it up with solid explanation and list of references. I'm gonna be very prepared. However it may take awhile before I see someone and with my crazy stud I will probably be pregnant soon again. Will see
  • It's such a specific kind of grief isnt it? And I think you're all right, its so hard for people to understand if they havent experienced it. But it still amazes me some of the insensitive comments people make. @MadDoda it seems like your sister has gone through an awful lot, but that doesnt lessen what you are going through. I'm so sorry you havent been able to find the support you need. Hopefully talking in here will help. I was unsure whether to leave a message on this thread or not, and I have to say, I'm so pleased I did. You are all so supportive and hearing your experiences and advice is so helpful. So lovely to hear you have your rainbow baby @Sigsauer congratulations! Its lovely hearing all the different ideas you have for memorials, I think I would like a tattoo at some point. Can I just ask, did any of you name your babies? Mine stopped growing at 9 weeks so obviously I'll never know the sex. I already have a son and had a feeling that this baby would be a boy. So not sure if I should give him a name or just refer to him as baby. I'd be interested to hear your opinions xx
  • I didn't.. I never New sex of babies and felt if they will have names my grief would be in another level... I know inside me all losses was girls and we have girls names but decided not to name loss... They are just angels with different coloured wings
  • Sorry mrs b 2010 it won’t let me tag you. I named my baby boy that I lost later but not my mc- purely because I didn’t know the gender. It’s so hard but you have to do what’s right for you. I’d describe losing a baby as a lonely grief- it’s so hard. @Sigsauer I call them angels too.

    Like I said earlier though my rainbow baby was definitely worth every worry but even Being lucky enough to have her, I still grieve for the babies I’ve lost, particularly my little boy- I never ever expected that to happen.

    @MadDoda god your sister has had it hard too. That sounds like a long journey- she has been very dedicated to her child but it would be nice to support you too.

    life’s hard sometimes isn’t it!!!

    xxxx
  • @EmJ3 yeah well, I think life made her very bitter. She thinks that my life is so nice and easy in compare with hers coz I'm happily married and bought a house. But here I am studying and rising kid at age of 31 , had to quit job,  so funds getting bad and mcing like crazy... Everyone has troubles, impossible to compare, life is hard all we can do is push through and support each other. That's why I'm a bit dissapointed how it turned out. It's fine, it will be all fine.
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