Grieving alone
Hello
I lost my dad very suddenly in may last year, we had just came home from a 2 week holiday in America, celebrated my mam and dads 26th wedding anniversary and 2 days later he was gone. I had just finished my second 12 hour shift sitting in my pjs eating my tea when I heard a knock at my door, it was my mam, my brothers and my auntie and uncle stood there. My mam dad auntie and uncle had just went to Leeds for a couples weekend on that morning so I was so confused as to why they were all standing at my door at 9 o’clock at night. I immediately thought something had happened to my nana. So I opened the door after warning them not to bring me any bad news. I opened the door to be told it wasn’t my nana it was my dad, he had passed away in a hotel in Leeds that afternoon and he was gone forever. I fell to the floor screaming in disbelief. Every day since has been a massive struggle. I’m only 26 my dad was only 48 and we had only just lost my mams mam the year before. I have 2 small children who depend on me and I am back to work as I only took 3 month off, I wasn’t ready to go back but with sick pay being so crap and being told to go back to work, I did. I feel like the world is on my shoulders at the minute. No one understands what I’m going through, I don’t talk to my friends about it they can’t comprehend the pain I’m in as they all still have their parents, so the only people I can talk to but refuse to because I don’t want to upset them is my mam and my brother. Even my with my partner I choose not to talk about it because he’s not the best at giving emotional support. I’m just at a loss and feel like it’s taking it’s toll on my mental well-being.
I lost my dad very suddenly in may last year, we had just came home from a 2 week holiday in America, celebrated my mam and dads 26th wedding anniversary and 2 days later he was gone. I had just finished my second 12 hour shift sitting in my pjs eating my tea when I heard a knock at my door, it was my mam, my brothers and my auntie and uncle stood there. My mam dad auntie and uncle had just went to Leeds for a couples weekend on that morning so I was so confused as to why they were all standing at my door at 9 o’clock at night. I immediately thought something had happened to my nana. So I opened the door after warning them not to bring me any bad news. I opened the door to be told it wasn’t my nana it was my dad, he had passed away in a hotel in Leeds that afternoon and he was gone forever. I fell to the floor screaming in disbelief. Every day since has been a massive struggle. I’m only 26 my dad was only 48 and we had only just lost my mams mam the year before. I have 2 small children who depend on me and I am back to work as I only took 3 month off, I wasn’t ready to go back but with sick pay being so crap and being told to go back to work, I did. I feel like the world is on my shoulders at the minute. No one understands what I’m going through, I don’t talk to my friends about it they can’t comprehend the pain I’m in as they all still have their parents, so the only people I can talk to but refuse to because I don’t want to upset them is my mam and my brother. Even my with my partner I choose not to talk about it because he’s not the best at giving emotional support. I’m just at a loss and feel like it’s taking it’s toll on my mental well-being.
Thanks in advance for reading I know it’s a long post
xx
xx
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Replies
it sounds like you’ve gone through a lot of trauma aswell I’m so sorry 😢
yes I’ve finally rang to seek some counselling but I think the waiting list is very long tbh. I just feel so low but I have no other choice but to just get on with it I’ve got my children to care for and no one can do my job as a mother. It’s just hard to deal with day to day rubbish when inside you just want to scream and hide in bed all day. I may look fine to people on the outside but in reality I feel like a ticking time bomb like I’m going to have a break down xx