Forum home› Pregnancy› Miscarriage & pregnancy loss

Husband doesnt want to try again

90schick90schick Regular
in Miscarriage & pregnancy loss
Hi ,had 2 miscarriages in last 11 mths most recent began at the end of feb . Had one period since ...cycles are trying to get bak to normal etc and we havent really mentioned the subject at all ,I'm hesitant to approach the subject because of the reaction I may get and he wouldn't ever bring it up. Last night I did mention and he said he thinks it's a bad idea it's too stressful scans etc worrying which I too agree it was a awful thing, so depressing ,and the worry is there all the time ,we have 3 kids already ,the youngest is 4 and a half. Regardless of that I have had two losses consecutively and I dont know if I can just accept that this is it , after losing two I just feel like I want one more ,but dont want all the crap that comes with it ,worrying and ttc . I cant really talk 2 him about how I feel about it all ,so keep it too myself.  I get what he is saying but to say never is a long time to accept ,dont know what I can do about all this 
«1

Replies

  • CoconutfoxxCoconutfoxx Regular
    If you can't speak to your husband about it then you have a communication breakdown and I'm sure that's not the case. You need to discuss with him your feelings after all you are a partnership. 

    Perhaps you could come to an agreement that you try once more, and if it doesn't work out then that is that. But think of your mental health too and how it might affect your family, your husband is correct, and another miscarriage could cause strain on your relationship. 
  • 90schick90schick Regular
    @Coconutfoxx it's just hard to discuss it sometimes ,and he can be difficult to talk to about things .I did say after the first one if it happened again that wud b it ,but obviously u feel differently after it has happened ,I didnt think I'd have 2 in a million years . So that approach wudnt work really. Agree mental health and the rest of the family is hard to consider everything and it does put me off ,but I think if everything is ok how great it would be 
  • CoconutfoxxCoconutfoxx Regular
    Totally agree I still think you should discuss with him, it's obviously had a negative affect on him too. You're not being selfish to want more children but it would be to completely reject his feelings on the matter. The other thing you've got to remember is how your children view you when you have these misses, children interpret new babies very differently and they could see your desparation in a negative way against them. 
  • 90schick90schick Regular
    @Coconutfoxx I dont discuss anything about it with my children ,they knew i was pregnant and then i wasnt they knew i was sad but ,i kept things from them like crying etc . They dont even know I want another. I dont feel like he is sensitive to how I feel about it all ,he doesnt ask ,he would never even mention it and that is what pisses me off ,he doesn't feel the way I do ,yes he was sad but he doesnt give it much thought if any now 
  • CoconutfoxxCoconutfoxx Regular
    Well it will affect you more directly than him so to speak. If that is the case I would seriously consider then. I'm not trying to be disrespectful to your husband and you know him best but if you did both agree to another go and. You did have a miscarriage, it might be you holding the burden on your own. Almost like a "I told you so" moment. Again I don't know him well enough to make that judgement, but you do. 
  • 90schick90schick Regular
    @Coconutfoxx yes I get what ur saying , I can understand that scenario, I said I didnt wana do this again etc etc . Difficult when someone else is deciding ultimately what you want future wise x
  • EmJ3EmJ3 Regular
    I get your feelings @90schick. We were a little similar. We lost our baby boy at 20/21 weeks and tried for another. We lost that baby at 11 weeks and my hubby said he was put off ttc because of the stress and what it did to me. He thought we should count our blessings for the 2 living children we already had. I was gutted and desperate for another baby. We talked it though over a few months and we now have a beautiful 9 month rainbow baby! Try to explain to your hubby what it means to you.xxx
  • 90schick90schick Regular
    @EmJ3 oh I'm so sorry that must of been horrific for you , thing is I completely understand what HE is saying it's a horrid time there is no joy to anything when you are grieving and I do understand why people want to close that chapter ,maybe I'm wrong and I should forget it ,I dont know why I cant seem to do that . I'm so glad you have your baby after what you went through . I will try to talk to him at some point ,I feel like he just shuts me down some what though . I think he sees the bad overtakes the good xx
  • MadDodaMadDoda Regular
    You need to ask urself how much are u able to sacrifice for this, and if it's worth it. U can't decide on ur own,  so I think first thing u gotta do is come to terms with urself and only then talk to him honestly, no matter what type if person he is, he is a part if it. Men suffer quietly a lot, I realised after months when my dh finally let out few words. U can't force him, so only way is to discuss this. And giving up isn't such a bad thing, it's hard, it hurts, but if u have kids it makes u love them even more and ur bond strengthens. I'm sure I said that already,  but really talk to urself first.
  • MadDodaMadDoda Regular
    And u don't even realise how much u and ur family suffers coz of mcs until u finally get over it. I realised very recently, it was real bad, our life changed so much, now we are r joying each other a lot more. I'm not trying to convince u give up, I just want u to know, that it's not a bad thing.
  • 90schick90schick Regular
    @MadDoda I understand why some people do stop ,depends on what their personal experiences are etc and what they have suffered ,I feel torn on what I've gone through but also feel I would try again wether that be right or not I dont know. If it was to happen again i would think that would be it . Atm I cant see a way of agreeing with him about things he is very bad idea that's it sort of attitude doesnt say much else just says I can see where its going with u etc ,I find him hurtful to my feelings xx
  • 90schick90schick Regular
    Not intentionally but still x
  • MadDodaMadDoda Regular
    Maybe u talk to him wrong way, u should think from his perspective. He is worried about u mostly probably and he thinks he knows what's good for u. Truth is men sometimes don't realise how strong women are. U need to talk to him the way so he does understand ur point if view. Smth like u may regret bit trying for rest of ur life, or that giving up may hurt u way more than going through mire hardships. It's always that difference between sexes which complicates communication, coz we look too much about our own point if view. If u know that giving up is not an option then u gotta find way to communicate, but I wouldn't push and insist too much, I think persistence over time would work better. Give him time and talk again and again. I think that's all I can think of to tell u right now, there is no really way around it. 
  • 90schick90schick Regular
    @MadDoda I havent mentioned anything about it for a while nor will he ,till last night wen I said we haven't mentioned possibility of trying again ,and he just said I think it's a bad idea too much stress etc ,after that I didnt reply bcus I didnt really know what 2 say ,today I have been a bit off with him just because it makes me clearly feel sad for him 2 say that . I know he was and has been worried while I was in hospital as I was bleeding alot and they said I shud stay in . It's not something I bring up with him because it's just fear of what he will say x
  • MadDodaMadDoda Regular
    To be honest I think u overreacted, u didn't even have a conversation. He just said his honest thought, if u will not explain him how u feel, he will not know. 
  • 90schick90schick Regular
    He has changed his mind a few times ,after first miscarriage he said not again then changed his mind and said he was being selfish whatever makes me happy then 2nd miscarriage and said he didnt think he wud want to again to let's see how we feel and now sounds like a definite no x
  • 90schick90schick Regular
    @maddoda he said this morning I know u want to try again and still said it's not a good idea x
  • MadDodaMadDoda Regular
    Still u didn't have e a conversation! He can't read ur mind, u gotta explain. 
  • 90schick90schick Regular
    @MadDoda I get what ur sayin but he does know already ,wev spoke b4 ,if told him things b4 ,he knows how I feel ,wev been 2gether 24 years he knows as if told him already . But sure a in depth conversation would be needed again at some point by the looks of it x
  • MadDodaMadDoda Regular
    Just make attempts once per awhile. If that's what u rly want then u can't give up. No matter how long u are together and how well he knows u, this is new. 
Sign In or Register to comment.

Featured Discussions

Promoted Content