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Missed miscarriage

Missed my period and thought it was stress related. Started to feel very sick in the mornings and boyfriend said perhaps you're pregnant. No way not at my age(47) completely dismissed it and carried on with life. Second period nothing. Now I really started to panic and walked around boots for a good hour deciding on if I should buy a pregnancy test. I finally did. Went home and I sat staring at the stick to say negative but there in front of my eyes was positive 3+. I was shaking and crying in disbelief. Told my boyfriend who was over the moon. I did 3 more tests because I wouldn't believe that I was pregnant. The following days, were sore boobs, morning sickness and the start of a baby bump. I couldn't shake this awful feeling of something awful was going to happen especially being a older mom. I was constantly in a worried state. My boyfriend wanted to tell the world but I said lets have the scan first. Had my midwife appointment and they give you loads of information about your journey in pregnancy. The next days was awful waiting for the scan. My very excited and happy boyfriend dropped me at the door because of the situation with the coronavirus I had to go on my own. I waited for them to call my name and was in tears when they did. The gel was applied and I laid there waiting for her to speak but she didn't. I said it's something bad but she still wouldn't answer. She then said she needs to do a internal scan. After a few minutes she said I'm sorry but there's no heartbeat.There on the screen was the sack with a fetus but no movement. I got up looking at my baby bump and cried. There was no signal inside the hospital to tell my boyfriend. Telling him was the hardest part because he was so happy to be a dad for the first time. I was sent upstairs to see a doctor and she explained my options. I don't think I heard a word she said and just sat there numb. My boyfriend was still outside waiting happy in the car. I was heartbroken to tell him. I lovely nurse walked me to get a signal. I was crying and he couldn't understand me. So came inside. I broke down when I saw him. I keep on saying I'm so sorry it's my fault. That bottle of wine I had and not healthy eating before I found out I was pregnant. This all happened yesterday. We cried together for hours. I can't get my head around how I can be pregnant but not pregnant at the same time. My body screams I'm pregnant. Now I've got to decide what to do next and phone the hospital. So I'm sat here looking at my bump whilst my boyfriend sleeps but knowing it's passed away. Ive never felt such grief before. I really feel for anyone who's gone through this. I can't look at the sadness in my boyfriends face. I think I'm always going to blame myself for being so stressed out and afraid. Pregnancy should be a happy time with a happy ending. I don't think I'll ever be the same person again. 


  • Hi

    I wanted to say that I'm so sorry for your loss. I completely understand what you're going through as it's happened to me twice now, the last time was a fortnight ago.

    You must not blame yourself. I know it's hard not to, I still do myself, but until you knew you were pregnant you had no reason to stop anything you were doing.

    I had the ERPC both times as the baby had died a few weeks before the scan, so I didn't want to still be carrying it around not knowing when it would come away.

    We too are devastated. I'm over 40 myself so we know time is not on our side, and we'd been ttc for a year before we got the positive test.

    When I went in for my ERPC the hospital gave me a memory box for the baby with some lovely items in, and they're going to ring me when baby will be cremated. They said I could bring it home to bury myself, but dh and I couldn't face it. 

    All I can say is, if it's something you both want then you know it can happen now, so ttc when you feel ready. I've lost 4 up to now and I have to say you don't get over it, but you do come to terms with it. It's utterly heartbreaking and I feel sad most days at the moment, but dh and I are trying to be positive and hope we will get our rainbow baby soon.

    Lots of hugs to you, and if you need to talk please pm me xx
  • I am so very sorry for your loss. You have been on a roller coaster of emotions. Allow yourself and bf time to heal! Take care of yourself 
  • I've read so many sad stories about missed miscarriages. The last two days since the scan have been very difficult. Still waking up with morning sickness. Sore boobs and everything I wear shows my bump. It's a constant reminder. My boyfriend was so upset yesterday blaming himself for asking me to have a baby. This would of been his first. Waiting to let things happen naturally but not sure if my mental health can cope with that because I've read it can take weeks. I've still got the baby book the midwife gave me in my car. The thought of going back to have another scan in two weeks is so upsetting. Sitting there with other mothers to be. Sending hugs Hippiemama4 xx thank you for your kindness Summer08 xx
  • Hi there,
    I went through the exact same thing just a few weeks before you, and I felt the same way you described. The worst part for me was listening to the doctor, not having my fiancé there because of covid, and walking out the doors knowing I was about to absolutely crush him in a minute. He was so excited I was pregnant too. 

    It’s awful to have the bump knowing your baby passed.were getting married in a few weeks and I swapped my fancy dress out for a cheap flowy one because I can’t stand my stomach right now!

    anyway, I wanted to post because we had so many similarities. And while this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to walk through, I’m doing so much better now than I was when it happened. I think you’ll get there too. Some days feel easy, and a few days later I’m balled up on my bathroom crying and cursing the world. But overall, I feel peace and more love for my partner than I ever had. 

    I hope you allow yourself the space to feel exactly how you’re feeling, exactly when you’re feeling it. I hope you let go of that guilt, and know it will not be this hard forever. I wish you all the love and peace in the world.
  • @hopefulmom28 thank you. Today I went in to start medical management. Really praying it will work because I don't want to go back and repeat the procedure. Sending love xx
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