OH struggles..... any advice??

KelB79 · Feb 27, 2021 12:44PM

I always thought that the male of the species would be delighted if his OH told him go crazy in the bedroom for the next week.....but I’ve been “blessed” with a terribly sensitive soul who wants our conception to be the perfect romantic moment and who often feels “used” for his little guys 🤷🏼‍♀️

Now, if I were forceful with the issue I could understand these feelings and be able to back off a bit but I’m stuck here because I genuinely don’t force the issue - I didn’t even used to let him know my fertile days, I’d just make subtle moves at the right time 🤣🤣 But he’d assume that any time I made a move on him it was purely for baby making and push me away 🤷🏼‍♀️ .... it wasn’t - I do actually enjoy sex with him and I tell him this but he can’t seem to believe it - I’m just not massively sexually confident and forward with it so me instigating anything puts his head in a funny place.... but if I don’t, he often won’t 😫 he goes through phases with sex - he’s a very big thinker and is going through a few things so it can affect his interest. It makes a difficult TTC journey even more tricky ffs 🤦🏼‍♀️

I now tell him when the window is as it was causing too many rifts but he doesn’t cope with that well either.

Any advice here ladies???

I’m CD7 and trying to chill on the tracking for a mo so going for getting jiggy between days 10-16...,

JaneDC · Feb 28, 2021 7:27AM

From your post, it looks like you only instigate sex during your fertile window and always aim to have set during that time.

Sorry if I'm reading this wrong.

I'd recommend having sex though out the month, not just at that time. Might make your partner relax and make thing less predictable.
.
I didn't really track my cycle when ttc because I feel like I'd get obsessed with it. So we just had sex regularly through my cycle. But obviously everyone's situation and history is different, so you have to pick what works best for you..

KelB79 · Feb 28, 2021 11:16AM

Ah no, I do try to initiate sex at all times, like I said - I do actually enjoy it and want to have sex with my partner. I think the issue has mainly arisen because he used to drink regularly and would always be the one to initiate things.... as I said, I’m terrible at initiating things - I feel really awkward! He’s since laid off the drinking and sober him is just like me, a bit awkward when it comes to sex 🙈 a great pair huh?!

Added to that, he’s an insomniac and is always in bed far later than me, so I’ll be asleep by the time he comes to bed and he’ll be asleep when I get up so morning wake up calls aren’t the most natural 🙄 So we have to make a real effort to make sex happen. But therein lies the issue - if I make an effort he assumes it’s just because I want a baby and feels used 🥴
hence why I started communicating when I would be fertile so that he’d know the other days were about us.

But it doesn't really help - he put a bee in his bonnet before we were even trying through talking to friends of his who had very demanding partners and now it’s an issue in his head.

It causes occasional arguement - I’ll initiate things, he’ll push me away, I’ll get upset.... blah blah blah... we’ve talked it through lots, we communicate really well, but we just can’t find the solution 🥴🥴
he’s a very sensitive soul.... 😕💜

EmJ3 · Feb 28, 2021 11:42AM

@KelB79 can I just ask, does he actually want a baby? I’m wondering,even subconsciously, if he’s worried about it and maybe doesn’t think it’s the right time.🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ Other than that, you seem to have tried most things, hiding your fertile time, telling him etc. if you are initiating sex throughout the month then he must realise it’s not just about a baby. It can get stressful and the man can start to feel like sex is only about having a baby for a woman and become a bit too pressurized. It’s tricky. Perhaps suggesting massages to help you both relax or date night on your house with nice food etc???

Fingers crossed he relaxes about it!xxx

KelB79 · Feb 28, 2021 12:09PM

Oh we’ve had that conversation over and over as I’ve often come to the same conclusion.... he’s definitely got a bit of fear of it all but I think that’s natural, but he’s made some real efforts to make this happen - given up regular heavy drinking and all but given up smoking too which has been really tough for him so I think he’s very on board. He was the one who actually pushed me to talk to my GP.
He’s just a perfectionist I think, wants the big romantic story and can’t accept it can’t be like that every time 🤷🏼‍♀️

JaneDC · Feb 28, 2021 12:32PM

I don't have any advice for you, unfortunately, but I know I've seen post like this before, so I'm sure someone will be able to give you helpful advice.

It sounds like he's making a real effort with his health, he's on the right track, just needs to work on the actual baby making part

Good luck with everything.

OH struggles..... any advice??

Replies