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My partner won't touch me now I'm pregnant - I feel ugly

I've got one month to go before I give birth, and I'm really anxious about my partner being at the birth. 

This is because I haven't been intimate hardly at all with my partner while pregnant. It's not just the lack of sex, but it's the lack of touch and intimacy that I've found really hard. Not having sex has meant that there is no touching or anything in bed now. And because of this, I've come to feel really unattractive and physically gross throughout my pregnancy. I'm not massive, I've only put on a bit of weight. My partner rarely touches me or acknowledges my body. He rarely sees me naked, and when he does I'm so embarrassed and shy. 

He tells me his loves me, and gives me hugs. But it's not the same. And when I try to initiate anything sexual, he pushes me away. 

The plan is to have a water-birth, and obviously with birth he will see everything - which normally I wouldn't care about. I'm quite a liberal and relaxed person. But now, I feel like I'm a stranger physically - and I feel resentful for his behaviour and angry with him for making me feel like this.  

I bought it up a while back, but nothing has changed. He said that it feels awkward and that he doesn't find pregnancy sexy - which I understand. I can't blame him for that. But no intimacy at all is hard. I feel like a freak. Anyone who says pregnancy is beautiful is wrong. I feel the opposite of beautiful. While I love my baby inside me, I find it very hard to love myself :(

If anyone has any advice I'd be most grateful. One month to go and I feel such a stranger from my partner. The only anxious part of the birth for me is him being present now - which is nuts.

Thank you.

Replies

  • Sounds like you are giving yourself far too much of a hard time, maybe your hormones are playing a huge part in making you feel the way you do.  

    Pregnancy is natural and it is beautiful, you both created it together it's amazing.  

    The weight gain should only be temporary if you've looked after yourself.  But your body may never be exactly what if was.. You may have stretch marks or a more curved tummy. Who cares... your body did something truly amazing... It's natural.  

    Your partner sounds like he's acting like a bit of a douche! Maybe he's worried about something, keep trying to talk to him and find out if /what it is.  he needs to step up and be more supportive As its time to focus on somebody else.  

    Maybe go do something together, hold hands, kiss, cuddle - it's all intimacy.  Intimacy is about feeling.  

  • Sadly many men behave similar - fears of harming baby, fears of hurting you, fears of triggering labour...

    As for the birth, once you are in the throws of labour you honestly won't care who is in the room with you as long as they are helping deliver baby

  • Omg you are me!!!!! 28 weeks

  • My husband is acting the exact way. I'm very disappointed in him. I've told him the lack of emotional and sexual support leaves irreversible scars sometimes. I'm not sure if I'll forget the feeling of loneliness and lack of love.

    He's a great man and wonderful father to our girls. He has dropped the ball when it has come to our intimate relationship.

  • I'm going through the same thing right now I'm 30 weeks and the past couple of months I feel like me and my boyfriend are falling apart. All I get is a kiss and a hug there is no intimacy anymore. I try and try because I'm always in the mood but he pushes me away to the point I feel like giving up because of how horrible I feel about myself . I don't know what to do he watches porn and looks at other girls but nothing to do with me in that way I'm lost should I stay or should I go I just want him to be happy but I also want to be happy as well I don't want to feel so low about myself anymore.

  • I have the same problem. I’m 20 weeks with my second. My first pregnancy he couldnt keep his hands off me but this time is different. It’s not just him I’m also not interested but I desperately want to be and I want him to be too. I have gained weight before this pregnancy and I feel huge and horrible now. 

  • I'm going through the same thing right now I'm 30 weeks and the past couple of months I feel like me and my boyfriend are falling apart. All I get is a kiss and a hug there is no intimacy anymore. I try and try because I'm always in the mood but he pushes me away to the point I feel like giving up because of how horrible I feel about myself . I don't know what to do he watches porn and looks at other girls but nothing to do with me in that way I'm lost should I stay or should I go I just want him to be happy but I also want to be happy as well I don't want to feel so low about myself anymore.

    Has it changed I'm in the same position now I'm scared once babies here it will always be the same
  • My husbands been the same.  We live with his family, they are very conservative to begin with.  He is always stressed at home anyways.  This is my second pregnancy and he hasn’t touched me ages.  I’ve tried to kiss him on a couple of occasions and asked him about why he’s distant.  He says he has a lot on his mind atm.  Same shit different different day.  Lately everything has been getting to me, his family, his mood swings, he’s constantly angry with me, and a big part of it is that he hasn’t come near me in a very long time.  I feel like he must think I’m repulsive looking in this state.  I still try doing everything I can and try to remain as independent as possible.  I’ve tried to have a good relationship with his family, to the point that I feel like I’ve become a door mat.  I don’t care about pleasing them or being at their service anymore, I’m not anyone’s maid.  And I wasn’t put on this earth to kiss anyone’s sorry ass.  Basically I’ve realized he’s his own person and I’m my own person.  If I’m going to look good, it’s definitely not for him, it’s for myself.  I’m setting goals for myself and my children, to build a firm future for us, to have something in my name down the road, Bc currently i have nothing.  I’m focusing on growth, and not on petty things like him not wanting to come near me. Or his sorry ass in general.  Be independent, be confident.  Do what makes You happy, not your partner who is clearly a giant ass.  Build a strong and stable future for your self and your child.  If your partner changes that’s great, if not, he knows where the door is.  Don’t leave yourself in a position where you are dependent on this person.    
  • My husband was the same way, the whole time I was pregnant he didn’t want anything to do with sex. There wasn’t even any cuddling- frankly my hormones were so crazy I was so hot I didn’t want to actually cuddle either, but I wanted him to want to! 
    But! After my daughter was born he’s sex drive went right back to where it was before and it was like he was trying to make up for lost time! 
    (Now it’s me who is not interested though 🤷‍♀️) 

    but it’s not permanent, and some day your sex lives will get back to where they were... your child might be a teenager by then but hey... it’ll happen 
  • It looks like a lot of us(mums to be) have the same problem.Before I got pregnant(with my 3rd baby) I had perfect body as I look after myself, now not so perfect😊 me and my new partner(my two children are from previous marriage) went to the beech the other day and he kept looking at a particular woman all the time, I told him how I feel and he just laughed. So I fought to myself that if he can't realise that my body is changing because I am caring his baby, he doesn't deserve me or my attention. It doesn't matter how much I love him I will not let him treat me like that. So ladies don't let anybody make you feel down just because you are growing life inside you. Sod them 😊
  • Hi , me and my partner have had 3 kids together and im now 14 weeks with our fourth ,men can be weird !! Or mine has been anyway lol ,ive had thought of he will go off me or he won't fancy me if I put any weight on ,he won't like my belly bla bla bla to be honest I wished I hadn't give it too much thought pregnancy is such a amazing time in your life that depending on how many children you have is a short time in the scheme of things ,I get that u miss the sex the intimacy and I think pregnant women do need that for various reasons but some men just do not find it attractive, some dont care and some do ,your body does change alot and it must be a bit weird for men really when u think about how a womans body changes ,some dont see it a sexual thing ,aprt from tellin him how u feel etc 
  • And ive just realised this is a old post 🤣🤣🤣
  • @90schick i am realizing this too but im still commenting........most of the time the men are scared they r gonna hurt you or the baby.......i got the short end of the stick and have been put on pelvic rest by dr meaning NO SEX.....with that being said my hubby hasnt been very intimate lately either.....the most we do together is a cuddle on the couch but i think the dr really scared him n now he thinks anything he does can hurt the baby lol....i just try to respect that he wats to b distant for now and give him space 
  • @Catlady220 for me i find it does affect our relationship if we have no sex ,we are less connected we aren't as close and sex is really important,  i just know my partner doesn't find pregnancy a sexual attractive thing ,women don't like to think or hear that but for some men that IS how they feel ,holding hands and cuddles just doesnt make up for proper affectionate and sex for me 
  • @90schick well i just found out I have placenta previa so we are cut off......hubby still compliments me also and makes sexual comments toward me......he says stupid guy things that he thinks r sexy still.....just not allowed to have sex which sux but id rather baby b safe and healthy

  • @Catlady220 of course if its for medical reasons goes without saying 
  • 90schick said:
    And ive just realised this is a old post 🤣🤣🤣
    lol😂😂😂
  • Sandy7788 said:

    I've got one month to go before I give birth, and I'm really anxious about my partner being at the birth. 


    This is because I haven't been intimate hardly at all with my partner while pregnant. It's not just the lack of sex, but it's the lack of touch and intimacy that I've found really hard. Not having sex has meant that there is no touching or anything in bed now. And because of this, I've come to feel really unattractive and physically gross throughout my pregnancy. I'm not massive, I've only put on a bit of weight. My partner rarely touches me or acknowledges my body. He rarely sees me naked, and when he does I'm so embarrassed and shy. 


    He tells me his loves me, and gives me hugs. But it's not the same. And when I try to initiate anything sexual, he pushes me away. 


    The plan is to have a water-birth, and obviously with birth he will see everything - which normally I wouldn't care about. I'm quite a liberal and relaxed person. But now, I feel like I'm a stranger physically - and I feel resentful for his behaviour and angry with him for making me feel like this.  


    I bought it up a while back, but nothing has changed. He said that it feels awkward and that he doesn't find pregnancy sexy - which I understand. I can't blame him for that. But no intimacy at all is hard. I feel like a freak. Anyone who says pregnancy is beautiful is wrong. I feel the opposite of beautiful. While I love my baby inside me, I find it very hard to love myself :(


    If anyone has any advice I'd be most grateful. One month to go and I feel such a stranger from my partner. The only anxious part of the birth for me is him being present now - which is nuts.


    Thank you.

    I feel the same exact way, my fiancé hasn’t touched me at all and he only gives me hugs and rubs my stomach and he doesn’t even kiss me anymore, I feel like I’m just not attractive anymore to him and this is our first son and I feel like he might even have interest in other woman I don’t know if it’a all just in my head or I’m just over thinking about everything, he even changed the passcode on his phone and I never used to check his phone anyways and now I just feel like a woman just carrying his son not even his fiancé or love. He hardly sees me naked and if he does he tells me to get dressed or helps me put on my pants since it’a hard for me now that I’m less than 1 month away from my due date, I don’t know if I said anything wrong or did anything I ask and he won’t tell me or say I did nothing but I just feel crappy. I hope that after I have my son things change if not I would rather just stay single because this doesn’t even feel like a relationship anymore, feels like I have a room mate and the farthest interaction he has gotten with me lately is hugs, no kisses and no sex and no nudity. We talk sometimes but it’s not the same anymore, no romance, no compliments and I just wonder if maybe he has moved on or have eyes set elsewhere but is too afraid to hurt me or leave because I’m pregnant? I won’t be upset with him if it’s so, I just want an honest answer so we can call off the engagement and I can get closure if it is so 
  • Sandy7788 said:

    I've got one month to go before I give birth, and I'm really anxious about my partner being at the birth. 


    This is because I haven't been intimate hardly at all with my partner while pregnant. It's not just the lack of sex, but it's the lack of touch and intimacy that I've found really hard. Not having sex has meant that there is no touching or anything in bed now. And because of this, I've come to feel really unattractive and physically gross throughout my pregnancy. I'm not massive, I've only put on a bit of weight. My partner rarely touches me or acknowledges my body. He rarely sees me naked, and when he does I'm so embarrassed and shy. 


    He tells me his loves me, and gives me hugs. But it's not the same. And when I try to initiate anything sexual, he pushes me away. 


    The plan is to have a water-birth, and obviously with birth he will see everything - which normally I wouldn't care about. I'm quite a liberal and relaxed person. But now, I feel like I'm a stranger physically - and I feel resentful for his behaviour and angry with him for making me feel like this.  


    I bought it up a while back, but nothing has changed. He said that it feels awkward and that he doesn't find pregnancy sexy - which I understand. I can't blame him for that. But no intimacy at all is hard. I feel like a freak. Anyone who says pregnancy is beautiful is wrong. I feel the opposite of beautiful. While I love my baby inside me, I find it very hard to love myself :(


    If anyone has any advice I'd be most grateful. One month to go and I feel such a stranger from my partner. The only anxious part of the birth for me is him being present now - which is nuts.


    Thank you.

    I feel the same exact way, my fiancé hasn’t touched me at all and he only gives me hugs and rubs my stomach and he doesn’t even kiss me anymore, I feel like I’m just not attractive anymore to him and this is our first son and I feel like he might even have interest in other woman I don’t know if it’a all just in my head or I’m just over thinking about everything, he even changed the passcode on his phone and I never used to check his phone anyways and now I just feel like a woman just carrying his son not even his fiancé or love. He hardly sees me naked and if he does he tells me to get dressed or helps me put on my pants since it’a hard for me now that I’m less than 1 month away from my due date, I don’t know if I said anything wrong or did anything I ask and he won’t tell me or say I did nothing but I just feel crappy. I hope that after I have my son things change if not I would rather just stay single because this doesn’t even feel like a relationship anymore, feels like I have a room mate and the farthest interaction he has gotten with me lately is hugs, no kisses and no sex and no nudity. We talk sometimes but it’s not the same anymore, no romance, no compliments and I just wonder if maybe he has moved on or have eyes set elsewhere but is too afraid to hurt me or leave because I’m pregnant? I won’t be upset with him if it’s so, I just want an honest answer so we can call off the engagement and I can get closure if it is true so I don’t continue living with this feeling that I carry on everyday, I don’t know how else to deal with this. Any advice?
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