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TTC and feeling helplessly alone

My husband and I have been trying to conceive for over a year now. We're in our early 30s, have no health concerns and recently had a fertility MOT which has flagged no issues. And yet month after month, we don't fall pregnant. 

Is anyone else in this position? I don't know anyone who is and I feel so alone with it all. I find it so difficult to speak with my friends about how frustrating this last year has been, because as great as they are they just do not understand. People constantly say "you'll be fine" or "just give it time" but sometimes what I think I really need is just to connect with someone who is in the same boat. 

If anyone out there is reading this and nodding along because they understand how it feels, please feel free to message me. Would also be great to hear from anyone who was in this position and did then fall pregnant naturally. Maybe some hope is what is needed!

Replies

  • Hey love. This was me both times TTC. Took us a year the first time and about 15 months the second (am currently nine weeks pregnant). We had some early losses and I’ve had various investigations over the years due to some pelvic pain issues but nothing ever seemed to be wrong as such. 

    The only things I’d say are:

    - bloody hell it’s hard. It’s so hard. Give yourself some grace, allow yourself to get upset and wallow and then pick yourself up. Putting on a brave face only gets you so far. 

    - how are you tracking ovulation? This was key for me especially second time around as I’m still breastfeeding my son and that definitely used to impact ovulation. If you’re not sure of ovulation then you could be timing it wrong! I think more ladies than you think get the timing wrong. 

    - what supplements are you taking? This time around I finally started taking omega 3 as well as the usual stuff, maybe it helped with egg quality. 

    - what’s your weight like? First time round, I got pregnant with my son after losing a bit of weight and doing more exercise. This time round, I got pregnant after I finally put on weight (I lost loads post baby!). Both times my weight at conception was 10 stone on the dot. Possibly a coincidence but I think this time my body needed some more fat on it!! 

    Keep smiling 🙂 
  • Hey, Lauren, I feel completely same- I want to talk about it but all my friends are not in this stage and I am sure their reaction would be similar as you said: "you will be fine". I am really looking to talk to someone about it. I just had another period and it hit me hard, I was crying for 2-3 days, very very bad mood and complete hopelessness. I always wanted family and now everything else (like, work, other projects) seem meaningless.
  • Hi Lauren, I feel the same as you and it’s actually nice to know there are others in the same position as I feel so alone. Been TTC since October now and every month having no luck. Feeling very down with it. 
    Always here for a chat.. x  
  • Hello ladies, I just joined this forum as I also feel so hopeless. Husb and I were trying for 8th month so far and every month it is unsuccessful. My period is very regular so it comes super on time (not even a glimmer of hope of a delayed period lol). Every time during the TTW I observe my body and what I feel. But nearing my period I will always feel the same at which makes me know that I’m not pregnant again. I’m 30 this year and have a stressful job. I feel that my job is partially the reason why I can’t conceive. :( I don’t know if it’s anything that we’re not doing right when we do the deed lol? But can’t be asking such qns to people around you 😅

    either way, I’m with all of you… praying for good news for each and every of us!!
  • Hello, Yellow Pretty Poet, such a nice nickname! You are writing how I am feeling literally. You are definitely not alone if you count "us" from these online chats in. Unfortunately, I am very lonely in this in my "real life", don't have any friends who went or is going through this and that's extremely isolating. I was so upset these days, that I wish to talk to someone but really don't want to spend half a day explaining why would I feel this way at all to somebody who got a kid as a surprise without any pre-struggles or to someone who is not planning on having kids. Bah. This is definitely very heavy. But we need to go forward. As my doctor told me a couple days ago: "We will go until success". Sending virtual hugs to everyone who is reading this and needs hope.
  • Hey Lauren!

    I have also been struggling for some time. We started trying in September of last year and for the first few months I was so hopeful and excited. Slowly over time my hopefulness has started to fade. I’m in my late 20’s and everyone keeps telling me “you’re so young. You have time. It’ll happen. Stop trying so hard.” But to me those are all things I don’t want to hear. To be quite frank.. I don’t know that there’s anything anyone can say that will truly make me feel better about it all. It makes conversations with friends hard, because most of my friends already have children and didn’t exactly struggle to conceive. I just recently had an appointment with my OB and he doesn’t want to perform any additional tests until at least the two year mark. I just feel like no one takes my concerns seriously, or quite understands what this is doing to my mental. Every month when I get my period I just feel like a failure, like my body isn’t doing what it’s meant to do. If you ever need to talk or vent or even cry, feel free to message me. 
  • Hi all, does anybody want to join a whats app group for support?? :)
  • I’m feeling the exact same. 33 and 10months of TTC would love to have the chance for a group chat as it’s so hard finding people to discuss this with 😔
  • How’s everyone doing today? I had an appointment with my OB last week and he said that he doesn’t want to do any additional testing until we’ve been TTC for at least two years with no luck. That paired with the fact I’m supposed to start tomorrow has me extra emotional. BFN today so I’m sure I’m out this month. I’m sure I’ll start crying any minute now 😅. Hope you girlies are having better luck! 
  • Good morning all, I hope you're all feeling ok wherever you are in your current cycles. Still no positive news from this end sadly. I've actually been spotting (really only when I wipe) since Thursday. Quite a long time to be spotting, usually it's only a day or two so of course my brain is trying to convince myself that it's implantation bleeding - but I know deep down it isn't. AF due tomorrow so I guess by Wednesday I'll know for sure, but wow it is so hard to concentrate on anything else right now.

    Does anyone else struggle with obsessive thoughts? I think that's the hardest part for me. I wake up and it's the first thing I think of, and from then on it's what my mind always comes back to throughout the day. There is always a cloud of sadness and despair at the moment, it's exhausting.

    Sending love to everyone on this journey. If only others could understand how difficult it can be. Would be great to keep speaking to you all and sharing our lows, as it really can be such a comfort.
  • Hey Lauren! 

    No positive news this way either. My period is later than usual but negative tests. I’m currently on CD 35 and definitely just feeling like I’m ready for AF to get here so we can just get on to the next cycle. 

    I completely relate to everything you just said. I obsess so much, and I know it’s not healthy and probably works against me in the stress department. It’s so hard not to obsess when it’s something that we almost crave. Deep down I really want to ask my OB to go ahead and do the additional tests, but I also don’t want to seem like I’m going against his recommendation of waiting until after two years of no conception. I just can’t help but feel like if it’s taking this long then I must be doing something wrong, or something must not be right. It’s so hard to stay positive right now. 

    Hopefully next cycle will be better! 
  • I’m terrible for obsessive thoughts! They literally ruin me! All today I’ve been having heart palpitations and feeling so anxious and I’ve only been going to work and doing my normal day! 

    This journey is mentally exhausting and please don’t take this the wrong way but I’ve found it a relief to know I’m not the only person feeling like this. Please feel like you can reach out to me if you need to! 

    Definitely be open and share thoughts and views. I like to read them and try to offer some support x
  • This might be an unpopular opinion, but I think you should do what you feel is best for you in terms of testing. My doctor tried to make us wait until we'd hit the one year mark but my husband and I had a fertility MOT done in January after trying for 6 months. And I'm so glad we did! Because here we are six months later and still not pregnant, so I don't understand why this "one year" or "two year" mark means anything. For us it was a huge relief to know there was nothing wrong. And although we're still not pregnant, it means we don't also have that additional worry hanging over our heads. 

    Worth saying that we did have to go privately for this and we're very lucky that our work paid for these tests as part of our healthcare benefit. But if it is something that is available to you then my view is why wait! 
  • Yes I agree in terms of not waiting. My partner is awaiting his dates to come through for his testing and I’ve had mine so just waiting to see my doctor to have a chat about next steps. And if I leave it any later it may not do me any favours at all, my AMH has told me I haven’t got the time to wait! And im more than happy to pay for treatment, I don’t care as long as it’ll bump me up the list by the end of this year I want to be further on than what I know now, my GP appointment is 26th July so not too long to wait! 
  • Hey peeps heres my number 07548813336if anybody wanted to talk on what's app its just easier,  but upto you all xx

    My husband makes it really difficult for me to talk about it:( 
    I have all these mixed emotions that recently I'm starting to really dislike people who get pregnant without trying etc and who just have accidents etc :/
    Xx

  • Hi everyone. I can't quite believe I'm writing this but...it turns out my period spotting was implantation bleeding after all and I had my first ever positive test yesterday morning. I'm completely in shock after so many months and months of not believing it could happen. Of course it is still very early days and anything could happen but I feel like I've struggled for so long I should try and enjoy this moment as best I can.

    It's difficult to even write this to you all, despite never having met you I still feel guilty that I have had a positive month and so many of you haven't. I want to say thank you to each of you for your messages over this past year. It has been so amazing to feel the support of so many women who have been going through a similar struggle, and I will still be here to speak with anyone who wants to have a chat. I will never forget how difficult this journey has been and hope that everyone on here gets their happy ending.
  • @laurenl91 congratulations! That’s such wonderful news! Definitely enjoy the moment! X
  • @laurenl91 congratulations!! Don’t be silly, it’s great news and it’s also an encouragement to all of us that we could succeed in conceiving too despite the long wait/journey. Happy for you :))
  • Congrats Lauren! Im so happy for you!! 💗 if you ever find yourself needing to chat please feel free to reach out as well!!
  • @laurenl91 congratulations!! Don’t be silly, it’s great news and it’s also an encouragement to all of us that we could succeed in conceiving too despite the long wait/journey. Happy for you :))laurenl91 said:
    Hi everyone. I can't quite believe I'm writing this but...it turns out my period spotting was implantation bleeding after all and I had my first ever positive test yesterday morning. I'm completely in shock after so many months and months of not believing it could happen. Of course it is still very early days and anything could happen but I feel like I've struggled for so long I should try and enjoy this moment as best I can.

    It's difficult to even write this to you all, despite never having met you I still feel guilty that I have had a positive month and so many of you haven't. I want to say thank you to each of you for your messages over this past year. It has been so amazing to feel the support of so many women who have been going through a similar struggle, and I will still be here to speak with anyone who wants to have a chat. I will never forget how difficult this journey has been and hope that everyone on here gets their happy ending.
    Good luck on your journey, this is fantastic news

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