to all stay at home mums...
hi i have given up work a few months ago after getting married. i have one child age 3 from a previous relationship and am 3 months preg with second. my husband works fulltime, sometimes doesnt come home til after 8pm.and has 2 days off perr week.. i would like to ask what happens in other people houses, when they are a stay at home mum and their partner works most of the time...do your partners help with children/housework inthe evenings?are you expected to so everything? this is all very new to me as i am used to being at work parttime and 3wanted to give up work to be with my daughtrer (now that i have a husband to earn etc i have been ablet o do this and feel very fortunate for the opportunity) but at times it gets me down. i feel it is very much like he works and i do everything else, to me he has it the easiest but what do you all think?what are your situations?is it reasonable to expect my husband to do things around the house when he's off or am i just pushing it? i just feel i dont get days off or evenings off whereas he does.
0
Replies
[Modified by: cloclo on November 03, 2007 10:52 PM]
Sara
A stay at home mum is exactly that - she stays at home to be a mum. If she's going to spend all day cooking, cleaning etc then she might as well go to work.
A housewife is someone who stays at home to take care of the house and make sure all the chores are done.
Thats what I think anyway.
I took a year off after my lo was born and his needs came 1st.
If he wanted to play I played etc. It was a bonus if the washing up got done.
I just think you'll never have this tme at home again with your lo so enjoy it. I know I am.
Vic xxx
While I feel the majority of the household chores should be up to you now as technically this is ur 'job' it doesn't mean he should do nothing.
If for example your daughter lies on in the mornings I think you should be able to also- ur hubby is perfectly capable of maikng a few sarnies for himself. I wud also ask him nicely to sort his work clothes out at night by himself- that way he will know if he has clean underwear etc. I also feel that it is not entirely ur job to get up at night and I would definately stress this one before lo comes along.
Don't worry about coping with two kids. Just do what you can. When I was at home I found I could always find something needing done take at least one day each week out of the house for yourself and your daughter. Also at weekends I would ask oh to do any maintenance work like painting, cutting the grass etc. I am by no means sexist but he needs to do stuff too.
In early pregnancy I was extremly tired and did what I could. He quite often phoned me in day to make sure I wa sin bed sleeping as I was just so tired and then he would come home and do whatever I hadnt done and cook tea...
Now it has all changed again as I have just been diagnosed with SPD and been told to try and not do too much standing, so now I hardly do anything as he tells me off when I do.. I am not even allowed to run the hoover round....
I do no how you feel as I feel bad that he works full time and then comes home to keep a house as well, but I no I will get a big telling off if I do... I know once the baby is here he will also help with the night feeds etc.. as he did with the other two.. only thing I know he wont do is bath lo, i dont know why but he has never done it!
Lisa x
Hilary x
I sometimes feel very lonely in the day which i find hard. i havent really met anyone where we live so my day is spent with the dogs until OH gets in. I dont really mind doing the housework as i find i do it better than he does LOL.
Del (22+3) x
Hi Del.. I would love to do some housework.. lol... tell you what come and drive to me and do mine for me so i dont feel so bad that oh is having to do it and I will supply you with plenty of cuppas...lol... I know how you feel as I dont really know anyone around here so its a case of sitting round all day on this thing!!!!
I stay at home mum but with 4 already and 20 weeks preg with 5th its no picnic.
OH works full time and often travels. He is off one and half day per week providing he is not away those days. We live abroad so away from family! He was a nightmare and still isnt great about helping with the house but he is fab with kids. He will come in and play with them and take them out for walk with dog. He will bath them, feed them etc... they love watching nature programmes with him. i do housework, cooking etc... (have ironing done as hate it and why bloody not)
I am not anal about the house but like it clean and dust free. hate dirty windows, floors and bathrooms. I try best to keep on top but kids come first. Oh knows better than to comment on something not done.
dont beat yourself up. You are newly wed and it takes time to adjust. Sit him down and tell him how you feel. He may not realise that his ideas are unrealistic. If his mum was like this then this is how he may think all woman are. Do a bit of crying (always works) and gently tell him how he could help. You work full time too. You just get no breaks, no pay, no hols and no thank you at end of it.
You have to find a balance that works otherwise you will just start to resent him and the little things become the big things.
Talk to him asap and tell him this tale (sorry its long)
A man comes home from work to find the hall a mess with school bags, toilet roll, wet shoes and a wet dog in it! He goes in the lounge and finds crisps everywhere, scribble on the walls, toys all over and the tv blaring. The kitchen is a state. Dishes are overflowing out of the sink. The bin is full and the fridge is open with milk and juice spilling out. He is really scared by now so goes upstairs. The toilet is disgusting and the tap in the sink is still running. Towels and toilet roll are strewn all over the place. He goes in the kids room to find them watching rubbish on tv and eating junk. Wheres mummy he asks. The kids say she is in bed. He runs in thinking she is very ill. He finds her in bed reading the glossy mags and eating chocolate. What the bloody hell are you playing it he yells. The wife smiles and replies
' Well today I thought I would do what you think I do everyday anway....sweet f**k all'
Needless to say he learnt the error of his ways!!1
Good Luck
d x
I loved that story. Although my hubby is great at helping round the house & doing his bit I honestly dont think any of them realise just how much we do around the house EVERDAY. Then theres the no pay, no holidays & no lunchbreaks as well & thats before you even start talking about the NO THANKS bit too!!!
Although he helps its the multi tasking that really beats him at the end of the day though I think all men are the same. He cant understand why when he starts hoovering the house it always ends up worse than it was before he started & when I try to tell him thats just the joy of having a 2 year old trying to help he just laughs!!!
Hilary x