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Other people not happy about our pregnancy
Hi
Me and hubby are so excited to be pregnant and it's our first baby, but other people are taking the shine off it for us.
His sister lost a baby when she was 17weeks pregnant at Christmas and so is understandably upset, but now she won't see me at all and it feels like we aren't allowed to be happy about our baby or celebrate at all.
It's made worse because we are due to be going out tonight with a load of friends to celebrate an engagement and another friend won't come because I'm pregnant and she isn't, her hubby is coming though. That isn't the excuse she gave of course, but her other excuse is so poor that me and hubby know the real reason, even if the rest of our friends don't.
Of course I feel sorry for them as they have been trying for a while, and although I got pregnant quite quickly, the first few months were really difficult so I can only imagine what it's like to be trying for over a year, but people are actively avoiding us now and it's really upsetting.
Any advice or has anyone else been in the same situatoin?
Thanks
Me and hubby are so excited to be pregnant and it's our first baby, but other people are taking the shine off it for us.
His sister lost a baby when she was 17weeks pregnant at Christmas and so is understandably upset, but now she won't see me at all and it feels like we aren't allowed to be happy about our baby or celebrate at all.
It's made worse because we are due to be going out tonight with a load of friends to celebrate an engagement and another friend won't come because I'm pregnant and she isn't, her hubby is coming though. That isn't the excuse she gave of course, but her other excuse is so poor that me and hubby know the real reason, even if the rest of our friends don't.
Of course I feel sorry for them as they have been trying for a while, and although I got pregnant quite quickly, the first few months were really difficult so I can only imagine what it's like to be trying for over a year, but people are actively avoiding us now and it's really upsetting.
Any advice or has anyone else been in the same situatoin?
Thanks
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Replies
Hope this helps and always remember everyone on here will always be here to support u
I'm gatecrashin from baby, but saw this on the homepage and the title sounded familiar!
My pregnancy was not planned at all, i was in my last year at uni, with nowhere proper to live so wasn't exactly the best timin! But once me and oh had got over the initial shock we were absolutely thrilled and so excited bout our baby. Unfortunately my family weren't. In fact my mum actually told me i was silly. And when we were telling other ppl they'd say congrats, but i cud tell wot they were really thinkin was well that obviously wasn't planned was it and things like that! It really got to me for a while and in some ways stopped me enjoying part of my pregnancy, but eventually i though stuff them, i'm happy so is oh and thats all that matters. My lo is now 8 months old and we're all sooo happy, and my parents came round eventually, and we're livin with them at the mo whilsts we save.
Ne way sorry 4 ramblin on, it must b upsettin for ur SIL and i expect she jst needs a bit of time to get used to it and at he mo it is prob easier for her not to see u, same goes for you friend as well i spose. Mayb try txtin them and seein if they wanna meet up or sumthin. i'm sure they'll come round eventually.
Enjoy ur pregnancy
xxx
I was beginning to think that maybe I'm being a bit unreasonable, but it's difficult to think of how others are feeling all the time when you're hormonal!
x
[Modified by: LizzieB on March 06, 2009 02:18 PM]
[Modified by: LizzieB on March 06, 2009 02:16 PM]
xxx
Im so glad I did that, as I think otherwise it really would have spoiled our friendship and I know she would do the same if the roles were reversed.
Just try and ignore any negativity, they will get used to the idea of you being pregnant in time
19+5 xxx
I suppose the most hurtful thing is that I feel my baby is rejected and not wanted but is beyond innocent in other peoples treatment. I guess I never appreciated how social have a baby really is.
However,this must be sooo hard for your sister,and I imagine that she feels guilty that she can't speak to you about it. Have you tried writing her a letter? Just to say that the last thing you want is to cause her pain etc and that she can be as involved/not involved as she'd like with the pregnancy. How long has she known? I imagine she'll come round in time but she'll prob appreciate knowing that you understand!
K 18+3 xx
My sister lost a baby 8 years ago, she was too young either way but has been trying since. I got pregnant and we had to work through some stuff but it did prompt her to go and throughly investigate with a doctor what was wrong and now she can try and work through those obstacles, it was really hard for her and I'd feel a degree of compassion for anyone in that situation. Its harsh for everyone.
U shouldnt let this bother u, u have every right to be happy so does ur hubby, im even happy for u.
Enjoy ur pregnancy babe, its passes so quick and I know that after my daughter was born, I kinda missed being preg, lol.
I hope all goes well for u hun
Kirsty xx
I know how hard it is to be TTC for a long time when everyone around you is getting pg it is sooooo hard but I was never rude or horrible to any of my pg friends I did stuggle with my SIL as she was giving birth as i was having my fallopion tube removed and they hadn't been trying long this I found very difficult and heart breaking but I only ever showed this to hubby. I am now pg from ivf and am so thankful everyday and still can't believe it. Enjoy your pregnency and be happy people will learn to cope with it, but it is hard for them but don't feel guilty its not your fault xx
As for your 'friend' . go out enjoy your evening and have a fab time. its your friend who is missing out not you and by her own choice. Shes an adult ( albeit not behaving like one) so if her choice is to stay at home thats up to her. Dont let it affect you hun. Stay happy x
I have a few friends who have been ttc for a while; they have been down the IVF route also with no success. So when I found out I was pregnant I was over the moon but nervous about how they would take the news. One of them never spoke to me about the pregnancy and generally avoided me, another was very pleased for me and we were able to go out and she would ask me how I was etc...
I know it must be hurtful for you that your SIL and friend are avoiding you but at the moment they are too wrapped up in their own disappointment and grief to be able to be glad for you. Sometimes when you want something so badly seeing someone else have it is just too much to bear. So I would say give them time... you may find in time they can get past their own feelings to be happy for you or maybe they can't. I would take your cue from them... the friend that avoided me I respected that and made sure she knew when I'd had lo etc through mutual friends. The one that didn't avoid me I did talk about the pregnancy etc when she asked but didn't push the info on her as I didn't want to rub her nose in it.
Lastly don't let the situation stop you from enjoying your pregnancy and talking about it to other family and friends. Wishing you a safe and healthy 9 months!
Apologies I am nipping out in a minute so haven't had time to read all the messages. I can understand completely what you are going through. My OH and I were not trying and when we tell people we get a kind of "really???" response and not the congrats that we are hoping for, I am dreading telling one set of friends as they are how I me my OH and have been together 7 years and she is really broody at the moment and I just know they are going to avoid us from the minute they find out. It is so hard and does take some of the pleasure out of it but as long as you and OH are happy then that is the main thing. Try not to let it get you down, easier said than done I know, but remember your little bean can sense your emotions and you need to be positive for him/her!
I hope everything works out for you!