i can't cope anymore
I have been crying for five hours straight. I go to bed at 11 after I finally get the kids in bed and settled. I try to tidy up the house and then go to bed. Ihaven't really slept in months to be honest. I work three 12 hour night shifts a week and have two daughter 3, and 1, and am 24 weeks pregnant. My job has been really stressful as it's hard physical work, and they have made huge cut backs to staff. So we are struggling to keep up with everything and everyone is paranoid about loosing their jobs. I was really sick for the first 18 weeks, and it's come back again. On the nights I'm not at work I'm either awake with one of my girls, or up vomiting. More recently I just seem to come downstairs at about 1 am and cry until the kids wake up about 6. I am doing two courses at the university, and I have exams in three weeks. My husband works during the day and to be honest is absolutely useless with helping me at all. I mean he's the sort that can't manage to move his cereal bowl off the table to the counter much less wash it up. I tend to all the house work and gardening as fighting with him just wears me out and I'm so exhausted. He also decided two weeks ago to start a course and he's away every week day from 8 - 21:00, as such he's made my working a nightmare as I'm rushing about trying to make childcare arangements. I just feel like I can't cope anymore. I just can't. I don't know what to do. On top of all this he's being deployed next month for eight months. He won't be here for our baby's birth and as such I'm moving back to stay near my mother, in Canada. Not that we get on well even but I just need anybody right now. So, I'm trying to arrange an international move six months pregnant with two toddlers, while studying and working. As from my money rant, I've had significant financial issues crop up, and my husband has just launched into a huge fight with his family which seems to be coming at us from every angle. I can't sleep, and I keep loosing weight. I feel so sick to my stomach and I feel like I'm no longer capable of functioning. I sit and try to study but I can't retain anything, and I'm worried about how this is affecting my kids. What's worng with me? I look around and everyone else struggles but seems to be able to make it through. I just feel like I'm falling. Is this depression? Or is it just because I haven't slept for four hours out of a twenty four hour period in months. Sorry to be such a moany cow, just everytime I wirte something up here it seems to feel less difficult.
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Replies
as for hubby well he is being a selfish bastard sounds to me like your more like a single mum!!! and mabye you should just cut him out the equation (don't mean dump him but let him fend for himself) i had problems like this with my ex and decided to do just that i had a similar thing in the morning he would sit at the table waiting for hs cereal and toast and i would get it but he wouldn't evenput his dirty dishes in the sink so 3 days of using the same bowl over and over without washing it soon got him to the sink with it... have you thought about getting some help. mabye things like a cleaner for a few hours a week or putting kids to chilminder so you can catch up with your sleep (no don't use this time for course work or house work )get your shopping delivered wee things like that or 1 of the nights your not working get a sitter and go for an aromatherapy massage.you need to look after your mind and body and its time something gave so its time to prioritise babe ,easier said than done but its time.
take care and ease up on yourself and the kids
fea x
fea x
[Modified by: abeasley on September 21, 2007 08:26 AM]
I do hope your book deal wont be used to pay off your husbands debt - like WH says a marriage is an equal partnership, but it doesn't always work out like that, especially if you are the main wage earner and a woman... I was personally stung by my ex and it cost me around ??100k because he was saw me as a cash cow and boy did I pay for it big time...how can a man come off better in a divorce when I have my 2 children to support?
Thankfully there is life after shitty divorces and I have married the most amazing man who is my total rock and soulmate and you know what...he treats me like the intelligent business woman I am...not a cashpoint...in fact I have managed to start my own business now because of my hubby! We are also expecting our first baby together on 4th Dec.
You sound like such a strong and dynamic woman and you need a dynamic man who will support and nurture your talents, stand by you and be your rock. Rather than someone who drains all the energy out of you.
Sorry to go on...and please do tell me to b*gger off, but as much as children need both parents, the parents have to be happy otherwise it is just hell for the children.
Wishing you all the best with your move to Canada and do rant as much as you need to!
C.xxx
Bex
Your hubby reminds me of my Dad - he was about as useless around the house and wasn't a very involved father. He's so selfish - always has been - and it's made my Mum very bitter over the years. I still resent his behaviour as well. I think my parents should have divorced years ago. You deserve so much better.
Please don't feel you're the only one cracking up. People all around you are experiencing their own problems too but most tend to hide it. Perhaps some sort of support group would help? Have you told your story to your doctor or midwife?
Do take care - you're doing an amazing job of keeping everything together. Much love, Jo x x x