to all stay at home mums...
hi i have given up work a few months ago after getting married. i have one child age 3 from a previous relationship and am 3 months preg with second. my husband works fulltime, sometimes doesnt come home til after 8pm.and has 2 days off perr week.. i would like to ask what happens in other people houses, when they are a stay at home mum and their partner works most of the time...do your partners help with children/housework inthe evenings?are you expected to so everything? this is all very new to me as i am used to being at work parttime and 3wanted to give up work to be with my daughtrer (now that i have a husband to earn etc i have been ablet o do this and feel very fortunate for the opportunity) but at times it gets me down. i feel it is very much like he works and i do everything else, to me he has it the easiest but what do you all think?what are your situations?is it reasonable to expect my husband to do things around the house when he's off or am i just pushing it? i just feel i dont get days off or evenings off whereas he does.
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I think if at the end of the day when your lo is in bed you are still running about while he is sat with his feet up then he definately should be helping out. I bet that when he is at work he gets a break for lunch and coffe beaks, I can't remember the last time I got to drink a full cup of tea unless someone else was there as well!
When I go back to work full time me & oh will sit down & discuss the housework, laundry etc as I certainly wont be doing it all & having a full time job.
If your oh seems to think you have to do it all then start billing him for every hour you "work" & see how he likes paying your salary 24hrs a day.
I think he realises just how intense it can be at times when you are at home & its not always possible with a 2 yr old to get ALL the housework done. We also go to alot of activities through the week such as mother & toddler group & jo jingles as well as various trips to places like the park or the farm so we are not alays in the house either.
Hilary x
i am on mat leave at min (had lo 4 months ago) and have 3 children from 4 months to almost 5 years. My oh works full time and before mat leave i used to work at weekends.
we do the shopping together although i do most of cleaning oh will help if asked with out much complaint. when he comes home from work we have dinner (that i make) then he gets the kids some milk, gets them changed for bed and puts them to bed and reads a story. i usually do washing up and hoovering whilst he is doing this but if i am rushed he will also do hoovering.
when i worked weekends he also used to do housework whilst i was at work and make the dinner whilst i was at work.
He spends very little time with the kids to the extent that our daughter wont stay with him at all and cries for me. I even have to take her up to the bathroom with me when I have a shower!
He is very critical too and moans if there are toys on the floor or something, and asks what do I do all day! He has not once fed our daughter or changed her nappy or bathed her. He changed our son a handfull of times when he was still in nappies and gave him a bottle once. Its very sad and he cant see what he is missing out on.
I've had enough.
i was going back to work this summer, after my girl turned 2 and was all set to go back in september, but then in june i discovered im pregnant (by then i was quite far gone) and due in jan so there was no point in going back for a few months.
the only problem is that my fiance had given up work to go back to uni so we're a bit up the creek financially but we get by!
i look after our daughter when he's at uni and he looks after her and does some of the house work when he's home! its great! but im the one who runs the house, i have to be!
it does get me down being at home alone alot, but as we're a few years older im lucky that he doesnt want the student life style of going out partying all the time and he'd prefer to be athome with us.
im very lucky he's so domesticated as ive had pnd and he's had to pull his weight....
we all get by, if i didnt have my friends and my mum id go spare!
Now, the first two weeks with bb and OH on Paternity Leave was great - he was very helpful. When he went back to work everything seemed to change and he stopped being so helpful with the bb. Unfortunately for my OH I know his work load as he is covering my ML! (we met at work). So after a couple of weeks of me arguing with myself in my head about him...I threw a couple of hissy fits over him not making any scrifices in his life over various things happening in our life...and now he is doing a bit more but unfortunately I still have to ask him to do anything, if I don't either I end up doing it or it doesn't get done. The only thing he always does is the cooking. I have played on the fact that when he wakes in the morning he has to get up and can't fall asleep again (I don't know why as I don't find it a problem falling to sleep again!) so when our bb wakes I let him make noise long enough for my OH to wake up and take bb downstairs so I get to stay in bed!
My friend's husband is incharge of cleaning the bathroom & en suite every Saturday morning - she never does it. I think I will have to talk to my OH and let him decide what he will do and set it to a day like that.
I hate the fact that I always have to ask him to do anything (even if he is happy to do it) as it makes me feel like a nagging wife.
Be patient if you ask OH to do something and they don't do it properly...my OH cocks up the simplest of things but looks very crestfallen when I tell him he must practise more then - he was hoping to get out of doing some things! He wouldn't change nappies at one point as I was using pins with washable terry squares - my sister quashed that excuse when she bought me some Nappi Nippas!
If my OH was bringing in mega bucks then maybe I would be more forgiving of his lack of enthusiasim with the chores (I'd have a cleaner!)...a couple of designer handbags & luxury holidays would be very appeasing but alass he doesn't so he should be helping! lol!
Frankie
I cant understand dads that don't want to get involved in there kids lifes, i think if they stayed home for a couple of days and let there other halfs go to work they would quickly realise who has the harder job. x
I have gone back to work part-time (my son is 15 mths now) but he used to do so much more when i was full time before our baby.
He doesn't moan if i ask him to do something but i do get fed up of asking and when he looks after our son when i work on a saturday and he doesn't do any housework during that time but expects me to do it with my son at home.
Anyway rant over I should stop moaning really and think of the men who dont do anything!!
I have gone back to work part-time (my son is 15 mths now) but he used to do so much more when i was full time before our baby.
He doesn't moan if i ask him to do something but i do get fed up of asking and when he looks after our son when i work on a saturday and he doesn't do any housework during that time but expects me to do it with my son at home.
Anyway rant over I should stop moaning really and think of the men who dont do anything!!