Christening...what to do??

MrsJules · Dec 31, 2007 3:39AM

(Warning: This rant is very long)

I have a dilemma. It's my DH's brothers baby's christening in January. Now usually I have zero problem with seeing babies. It's more seeing pregnant women that make me want to cry etc. For some reason, the thought of going to this christening puts me in a very dark place. Think it's more to do with the mother than the baby itself. Oh and the fact that there will be 4 (yes...FOUR!!) pregnant women there. Not to mention very nosy Aunts who will probably ask me why I aren't pregnant yet.

I have never not wanted to go somewhere so bleedin much in my whole life. Seriously. I feel physically sick whan I think about it. If it was a local thing I wouldn't be so bad but it'll have to be a full weekend do because it's a six hour drive away. Needless to say hubby really doesn't get what the problem is. Not sure I do fully so hard to explain.

Thought I'd get my head round it after visiting mum in law t'other day but it was made worse by her pointing out three times that sis in law "fell very quickly with baby after they were married" and other such gems.These comments were totally out of context so sure they were aimed at me.

Aaaaarrrrgggghhhh!!! Please don't make me go! I know I should and I am being a bitter cow but I really really don't want to go through a full weekend of crap. Was so so down over Christmas, like worryingly so and everytime I feel a bit better the thought of this christening pops into my head and I come crashing down again.

Help!!! Need advice (please don't tell me off! Be gentle )

(oh my godness. I vanish for a week with promise to be positive after I come back and I come back with this rant!!

Sorry!!)

xxx

[Modified by: *MrsJules* on 30 December 2007 04:34:20 ]

[Modified by: *MrsJules* on 30 December 2007 04:52:33 ]

Zoe-53378 · Dec 30, 2007 4:42AM

Oh that sucks big time mrsjules. I get so annoyed when family and friends ask about babies, it's hard enough trying as it is, without nosy people butting in! : >
Sounds like you'll need to find your pma to get through this one. If anyone asks you (especially the already pg ones) just say you're enjoying life a little bit too much to stop and have a baby now.

Good luck!

xxxx

jen24 · Dec 30, 2007 5:22AM

Oh Mrs Jules ((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I dont no what advice to give you could you maybe ill that weekend? (if you think you really cant handle going).

When are you back at the doctors? They are doing tests right? You must be on the same month as me? month 9?

I know its hard but try to stay positive, ive started a new blog of new years resolutions im gona try and relax a bit more and book a holiday. Im here if you need to talk although i havent given you very good advice.

Loads of love jen xxxxxxxxxxxxx

icecreamloverpissedoffwithBE · Dec 30, 2007 5:46AM

I know you asked for people to be gentle but this might come across as a bit erm, ungentle....

You should be the number one priority for your DH, not a christening. I know you said its difficult to explain to him how you feel, but if you try to explain it to him then he might (and yourself too) understand a bit better.

If thoughts of going are putting you in a dark place that isnt very nice to be in, then what will going to do you? You might enjoy it, but you might not. And rather than having to worry about it you should be enjoying bding and ttc.

maybe print off your post (without the bit about his mums comments ?) an give him that to read....?
Exlain to him that this christening is making you ill because of worry and stress and fear, and that the thought of people asking you why ur not pregnant yet is behind it, as well as seeing pregant people. Dont mention any names, just keep it general but hopefully he might understand a bit better...?

What happened at xmas? Did you have a good one? (you could have called round if you needed to - and you know youre welcome anytime, except maybe at almost midnight ;\) unless prebooked

)

I'm here for you anytime chick.
Love you lots
xxx

camlo · Dec 30, 2007 9:54AM

I agree - maybe tell them the travelling is too much on top of your hectic social life and you've little time to spare with all the shopping, skiing and manicures you want to fit in!!

Only joking - I think I would explain to oh that it was too upsetting right now and also ask him to have a word with his mum to cut the crap xxxxxxxx

LYNNI · Dec 30, 2007 10:11AM

I wouldn't go.... we all know stress can cause problems ttc & it sounds like you have alot on your shoulders atm

Hope you feel better soon xxx

hayleys1 · Dec 30, 2007 1:33PM

it must be awkward. when i was ttc joseph for 15 months my freind fell within 2 months so that pissed me off but i think it made her feel more awkward than me! one of my best freinds lost her baby at 40 weeks (still born) and when she came to my wedding 6 months later i had to put them on a able with all our friends (would have been worse not to) and one was preg with twins one had her baby with her and one is ttc and they all talked about kids, which is natural, and she kept getting really upset i had so much respect for her stying all day and night but it mus have been hard xxx

diggys_mum · Dec 30, 2007 3:07PM

It's a really difficult situation but I think maybe you should go... I do agree with the others that you need to try to help your husband understand how you feel about it but he may still struggle.

Family are a problem with making comments (as are most people!) because they often don't realise how difficult it is to conceive. My mum still thinks all women get pregnant immediately because she did and a whole bunch of her friends kids got accidently pregnant. I did get pregnant very quick and she didn't understand that I believed it would take ages. I still have to explain to her that she and I are in the minority... I don't think many people realise unless they have struggled themselves (or know others that have). The problem is you'll be coming across people making comments and assumptions all the time. And you shouldn't have to hide away because you are in a perfectly normal situation.

Having said all that, if you don't want to go then don't... You get to decide. But if you are trying to avoid the questions then it won't make a difference because they will come up in some other event. In fact, you know they come up day to day anyway from your mother in law.

I wish I could say something really helpful to make you feel better but of course I can't. Just think about your needs and speak to hubby. And no one should judge you for finding this kind of situation so hard. xxx

MrsJules · Dec 30, 2007 7:47PM

Hi everyone

Thank you for your comments. I have tended to get a bit erm...worked up when trying to explain how bad I feel about going so it's not Mr Jules fault really. He is a very understanding man usually so perhaps if I stay calm and reasonable sounding next time. He's said he won't go and we don't have to go but I feel sooo guilty. I know in my head that I should go for my DH and forget about the people that'll be there asking stuff or the one I don't like very much but then my heart starts doing it's "don't make me go!!" thing and I get all confused! Told hubby I thought his Mum was hinting but no way he will ever see that. I could be wrong anyway but that was how I took it.

Hmmm, still no idea what to do. It's like there is a battle of wills in me at the mo. The good one who does stuff for others and the bad one who wants to be selfish for once.

Looked for an outfit yesterday, thinking that if I found something really nice to wear it might put me in the right frame of mind for going. Very shallow but there you go! lol. Anyway couldn't find anything.

Hope you had a good Christmas Stephe with all your relatives and Olliver had a top first Christmas!! Ours was really nice with just me and hubby on then day and then my family Boxing day and his mum's the day after that.

Meant what I said about calling by the way. I'm always around for a chat.
The blog idea is a good one Jen. I used to find writing things down helps a lot. xx

Thank you all for being so kind. Honestly it really helped. Been bottling it up for a few weeks now. I am still weighing it all up so will let you know what I decide.

xxxxxxx

MrsJules · Dec 30, 2007 8:30PM

I'm having tests on 11th Jen. Two days before this christening. One of the things they test for is the stress hormone. Another reason not to go. Just explained again to hubby and read all of this out to him and he says we don't have to go but still not sure he gets it. Month 9 for me too Jen. Was surprised the Doctor agreed to start tests etc but glad she did. Nervous about them but sooner they are done the better. I have been making myself ill over ttc so trying hardest to chill out a bit this year. Good luck and baby dust ****** xxxxxx (((((0))))))

jen24 · Dec 31, 2007 3:39AM

Hi Mrs Jules

Ive never knew they could test for that, hopefully you'll get some answers im sure everything will be ok. I had ov tests done last month everything came back fine which is nice to know but still frustrating as to why it isnt happening!

You doing anything nice for new year? We are just going to family (i know what you mean about questions) My sister asks me constantly (we are not close) just feel like saying nono of your bloody business or im trying my hardest!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH.

Think that was a bit of a rant. lol

You take care off yourself and mr Jules. speak to you soon.

jen xxxxxxxxx

Christening...what to do??

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