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Think this is pretty unbelievable ! ! ! (quite long)

Hello.

My partners daughter finally went in to labour yesterday, 10 days overdue. We (Me + partner + daughter + partner) arrived at the hospital delivery suite at approx 7pm and she was shown in to a delivery room. By now she was in a lot of pain and very tearful. This was her first child and she's only 20.

After examination she was 5cm dilated. Myself and OH popped out and came back. we were told that nothing would happen until morning and so she would be going on to a delivery suite ward til then. Obviously we knew that we would have to go then.

What took us by total surprise was that her partner was told that he would have to go too!! By now she was already very distressed ,scared, very upset and in pain. To then be told that everyone had to go was unbelievable.

I myself am due in July and it would have never entered my mind that my partner would have to go and i'd be without anyone close with me. I find this policy quite ridiculous.

He does not drive and had to rely on us to be able to get him there when needed. The journey to hospital is 30 minutes. Surely having him there to just sit by the bed to comfort and reassure her was not too much too ask. He wouldn't be making anymore noise than she was!

Finally, two hours after getting home he got the call to return at 11pm. Their baby was born at 3.18am. Bearing in mind that there is no public transport until morning he was then told he would have to leave at 5am where he sat for 45 mins waiting for a lift home.

Is it just me that finds this really surprising. I've always assumed that your partner is there with you from beginning to end for support and encouragement etc.

Does anyone else find this totally out of order or r u already aware of this happening??

Would be interested to hear from anyone please.

Jules.
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Replies

  • Oh my god. Im shocked by this!! I thought your partner was there til baby comes. I hate hospitals and there is no way im being left in labour on my own. I would threaten to discharge myself. I think its disgusting, it is partners baby to so they should be there throughout.
  • This is standard practise if they put you on to a ward I am afraid. Normally if you are in established labour then they leave you on the delivery suite and your partner is allowed to stay with you. Not sure why she was moved if she was 5cm as normally I think 4cm is the point at which they count labour as established. I think they do it as the wards are obviously all female and having male visitors overnight may upset some people. I agree though that I wouldn't want to be left on my own either!
  • I agree that is out of order. 5cms is classed as in established labour so I can't see why they sent him back.

    In my case though, I don't mind so much if my oh is sent home - I'm being induced Wednesday and if it takes ages then I'll worry about my oh being bored. He wouldnt be, but I get really funny about things like that.
  • i cant believe they sent her onto ward! i refused with both mine i knew if i went onto ward id loose oh and pain relief bloody stupid rules!!! did any of u guys get to keep ur pain relief while the pushing stage was happening, they took my gas n air away once i hit 7cms n today my mums friend said her epidural was turned off at pushing stage is this just my wanky hospital?? im getting a bit worried to b honest my mum says it probably only happens if they think u r not concentrating on the pushing any thoughts???
  • I CANT BELIEVE THAT, I WAS ON A WARD (WITH OTHERS WHO HAD THEIR BABIES ALREADY), AND WAS GETTING INDUCED, IN MAJOR PAIN AND HAD ALL THE OTHERS STARING AT ME OBVIOUSLY CONCERNED. I TOO WAS TOLD NO-ONE WAS ALLOWED TO STAY WITH ME SINCE THERE WERE OTHER PATIENTS TO THINK OF (WHICH I CAN UNDERSTAND NOW BUT AT THE TIME I FREAKED OUT BEING ALONE FOR MY FIRST LABOUR).

    I DID GET MOVED TO LABOUR SUITE WHEN I WAS 5CM WHERE I WAS ALLOWED SOMEONE WITH ME.

    IT REALLY SURPRISES ME SHE WOULDNT GO TO LABOUR WARD AT 5CM, THAT IS DEFINITELY PAST ESTABLISHED LABOUR!
    MAYBE THERE WERE NO ROOMS AVAILABLE IN LABOUR WARD? BUT IN ANY CASE THAT IS TERRIBLE!!


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  • OH MY GOD

    that is terrible, how can they leave some one whos in pain by themself's , whats the point of having a birthing partner if their only there at the end bit, thought the whole point was for them to be there thru out to support you . if they do this to me ill be going home , id have to discharge myself because i hate hospitals as it is and the thought of being by myself and in pain and OH not there would be un thinkable

    Donna 39+6
  • Yeah wen i was in labour with my son i was 3-4cm and still on the ward and my partner was told at 9pm that he wud have to leave and that nothing wud happen till the morning. Then at 12am i had to ring him up to get down to the hospital as they were transfering me to the delivery suit. Luckily our hospital is only 2mins away but still it seems really pointless and this was too my first baby and i was only 19 so was pretty scared and didnt want him to go. I think its called hopital and NHS beauracracy. Kerry xxx
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  • Oh no that's awful! I would hate to be on my own and would rather come home if they wouldn't let hubby stay. He would freak out at the thought of leaving me too (he worries now that he won't get home from work in time if I suddenly go into labour lol).

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  • Hi Lollyhatch, I had gas and air with my first baby and was allowed to keep it until I was ready to push.
    After that they took it away (much to my disgust), apparently its so you can concentrate on pushing, which you wouldn't if you were concentrating on breathing or something like that.
    Its got nothing to do with how the midwives think you are doing ~ its standard practice.

    I had it back though when they were stitching me up afterwards!
    Take care
    Charlotte
    34+1
  • This is one of the main reasons why I am planning a home birth with my first, two of my friends had to stay in overnight and their husbands were sent home. I don't think they were as far on as your partner's daughter, and probably not so distressed- but it still isn't a nice thought. I am the kind of person who will be ok if my oh is there, but likely to panic the minute he is asked to leave, so I really feel for anyone who has been put in this situation. I can understand about having to consider other patients, but can't help thinking that there is something wrong with the NHS if women who are scared and in pain end up being left without anyone they know.
  • It's so wrong. Everyone knows that the more relaxed a woman is, the more likely her labour will be shorter, less complicated and more comfortable yet they take away the one person who can give you the strength to keep going and then wonder why lots of intervention is suddenly needed.
    For these reasons I would have loved a homebirth but live so far away from hospitals and up a narrow/long flight of steps that I have compromised and am going to a birthing centre. Really hope I don;t have this terrible experience. I really feel for you.
  • OMG, i would have point blank refused to have let my hubby go home! If she had threatened to walk out in established labour they would have had to let him stay. I kicked up a huge row because after my lo was born they were sending hubby home, 30 minutes later!!! I said no way and if he was going so was i! He got to stay the night with me, although saying that i was in a room of my own so it was differant anyway.
    I didnt get my gas and air taken away all all and i think i sat it down once lo was born. I was in a midwife unit though where they incourage you to follow your own instinct and do what you think is right, they dont tell you when to push or what position to be in etc, i think all hospitals should be like this. x
  • OMG
    that is awful, I just assumed once you were in hospital, you stayed in the delivery suite until after baby was born, I had only just heard about partners being sent home after baby being born and that has upset me. To think that my husband will be leaving me while I'm in pain and need him has just made the whole thing seem like a big nightmare. I ideally wanted a home birth as it was but as i live 30 mins from hospital and am under consultant care that's out the question.

    Yet another complete NHS farce!
    Em x
  • i think its out of order, i was aware of this when i had my lo 6 months ago, but i think its very very wrong that your partner isnt allowed to stay. when i had lo i went to hospt at 12 and she was born at 8pm and then oh had to leave at 12 and wasnt alowed back untill 8am, i didnt find this very good as i was not stitched up untill just after 11 so we didnt really get any quality time together untill the next day, which upset me alot. thankfully i had her during the day so was not left alone, i dont think i would have coped otherwise x
  • That's awful! I'm going to try and stay at home as long as I can bear it before going to hospital as I don't want anything like that to happen! It's disgusting!! xxxx

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  • I agree its awful! I was induced at 40+10 and arrived at hospital at 10pm and given a pessary then my hubby was sent home and not allowed back until 8am. By 8pm sunday night i was only 1-2cm so hubby was sent home again, i cried so much because i was scared and had a woman in the next bed to me screaming and begging for pethadine! My hubby returned at 8am and i was examined and was 4cm so we were sent to labour ward where my hibby and mum were allowed to stay with me till my litle boy was born.

    It's very scary when you don't know what to expect and you worry that you will give birth during the night and your hubby won't make it back in time! xx
  • Hi, I gave birth at 19:58 & my hubby & I had an hour together in the delivery room then they came to move me onto the maternity ward with my hubby carrying the bags & then he was told he had to leave - it was 9pm...I was in total shock at having my first baby which I had to have delivered by forceps & I had an episiotomy & I found labour really painful & I was knackered & I had a candular in my right wrist so I was in a bit of a state & feeling like I couldn't move etc. so really needed my hubby but I had no fight in me & he wouldn't say boo to a goose! So next time if I give birth at night I am going to scream blue murder if they try & send him home so soon! What harm can it do having someone there?...maternity wards are noisey & I couldn't wait to leave so I could sleep without crying babies etc & they're short staffed so you would have thought they would like someone else there to help you so they can do more important things, my hubby would have been best suited to changing me & fetching food/drinks rather than wasting their time.
    xxx
  • this is awful,i didnt know it happened maybe as i was already 5cm dilated when i got to hospital with my daughter so my hubbie stayed with me.I know for a fact tho if he got told he had to go home and then come back when it progressed then id go hom ewith him n come back later!!how can they predict how quick or slow she would be going from 5-10cms anyway?i was onky at hospital for 3 hrs before my daughter was born and that was with me goin in straight away as i was group b strep carrier.You need support frm someone in a time like this! xxx
  • hi i think i would have freaked out big time. my last pg i went into hosp after my contrctions were every 5 mins and got sent home as my cervix wasnt even dilated. my waters went at home the next day and i went up after contractions were 3 mins apart. when i got examined after a few hours i was only 1-2 cm dilated (much to my horror) and the mw tried to send me home. i was going nowhere !! i got undressed and stayed put! she wouldnt give me gas and air. i had been having contractions for 27 hours at this point and was exhausted so my oh demanded it and i coped brilliantly after that! my son wasnt born until 9 am the next day so was a 40+ hour job my hubby and mum stayed all the time i was there and only left once i was taken to the ward. i had such a good experience in hospital i have no concerns this time and dont want a home birth for that reason. the way you stepdaughter was treated was disgusting its a terrifying time and you need support and alot of it! xxx
  • I've only just read this, I am gobsmacked! This is just the sort of reason why i'm having my first baby at home.
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