Forum home Family life & relationships Single parents

ex causing problems HELP!

hi im 18 and a single mum to cailtyn who is 10 months...

me and her dad split up nearly 6 months ago now after having lots of problems... so when we did split up he saw caitlyn a few times but only ever for a few mins with me being with her not even once a week... then one day when i took her to see him, he threatened to take me to court so he could have her 4 nights a week so i was so scared i started ignoring his phone calls and bought a new phone so he couldnt get hold of me...so that was 3 months ago and he has not seen her since... he hasnt even attempted to see her...he has not paid a penny since the day she was born...and now a friend has told me that he is thinking about going to court again...i have been to citizens advise and even seen a solicitor myself but they just tell me to wait till he makes his next move...so i just dont know what to do...his daughter doesnt even know him anymore and he is only doing this to get back at me for leaving him...so would be gratefull for some advise...thanks...

Replies

  • hi hunny.
    sounds like he mite be planning something, maybe he's in talks with his solicitor...but if he is, he shouldn't let your daughter suffer in the process, he should still be seeing her.
    have you got a number to contact him? i know its hard and you would probably rather he didn't see her but it her who's losing out and if he goes through court it will happen eventually anyway. it would be in contact centres to start with i would imagine for the fact she doesn't know him now.
    in court i think you would both look bad i'm afraid. him for not paying anything or making any effort to see her, and unfortunately, you for ignoring his calls and changing your number without informing him. it sounds harsh i know, but they put the baby before parents feelings.
    my ex has a son with someone else. while we were together, she would let darren (my ex) see him every other week although she wouldn't let them out of her sight, but i was never allowed aywhere near, even after i had my lo. rhianna's 1 next week and has never met her brother.
    we were going to go to court to get reasonable unsupervised access, but couldn't afford it and didn't qualify for legal aid. the solicitor said we had a good case as darren had always paid maintenance and made regular visits, she made it worse for herself with the way she was being. the solicitor even said she may get refused legal aid as she was being unreasonable.
    i split from darren a month ago, but luckily we have got a good arrangement and he pays me maintenance. if things did get tricky, i would never stop him seeing rhianna as that is punishing her, but i would go through solicitors to get a legal agreement.
    its hard for me to say as i don't know the reasons for you splitting up or anything but if i were you i would try and contact him as that would make you the better person and show you are putting your daughter 1st, epsecially if it does go to court, it would work in your favour.
    good luck hunny, i hope it all works out for you and your lo.
    xxx
  • babe they guy wouldnt have a leg to stand on. one your the mother ( whic h im not going into father rights or anything im just stating that unless there is substance evidence you are not caring for your child they wouldn't grant him four whole days, it would be supervised weekend visits on your conditions. secondly, considering he hasnt paid you a penny, the judge would literally laugh in his face darling. and thirdly, he is prob just saying this to scare you so he feels like the boss. my cousins ex tryed that with her, and she did exactly like you ignored him, but she was petrified. Then as soon as she trned around and said o.k you pay me the maintenance you should be for your child and you can see her more, or bring me to court, i dont care. he dissapearred. funny eh?
    good luck babe. xxsarah 28weeks xx
  • thanks...

    yeah i think he is playing games cus still havnt heard from him....i havnt recieved any letters or nothing from any solicitors...so hopefully he is all mouth trying to make out he cares...i know its not fair that caitlyn doesnt get to see her dad..but i truely believe she will be better off without him...he will only ever dissapoint her...i only want whats best for her...
  • hi hun. i agree she's better off without him, if he cared he'd still at least ask how she is if he is going to go through court, which if you haven't eard anything...looks like its all mouth no action.
    i just think that if you made an attempt to contact him, when she's older and asks questions, you can prove it was never you stopping him from seeing her.
    xxx
  • yeah exactly...he cant look after himself let alone a baby...if when caitlyns older and she wants to see her dad then thats fine...as long as he doesnt mess her around but now he is no use to her...he just wants to cause problems...he hasnt tried contacting me in over 3 months and he knows my house number...he just moans to other people to try and make out he is not a bad dad...that i am the one not letting him see her...
  • he's just an arsehole...thats men!!!
    i'm lucky that my ex sees rhianna a couple of times a week but and pays me ??100 a month, but there have been a couple of times he's messed me around at the last minute.
    if i were you, i would write him a letter, send it recorded delivery and keep a copy...saying that you don't appreciate him bad mouthing you, if he wants to see her he can have supervised visits on your terms, but he has to make it regular or not at all.
    that way, he can say what he likes...but you'll know and can show others and your daughter when she's older, that you tried and were the better person the whole time... and that he was just a no good knob!!!
    if when she's older they do end up contacting and seeing each other...i can almost guarentee that he'll portray you as the bad guy, men have a great way of twisting things and making them believeable, and she'll be emotional and vunerable. you just need to cover your back now hun.
    this happned to my aunty...she did the letter thing and hen it came to it...the arsehole who called himself a father 8 years down the line tried making out it was all her fault...my cousin didn't know what to believe because everyone was always bad mouthing him...but her mum shown her the proof that she gave him more than enough chances.
    no matter what he says now...she knows the truth and doesn't want to know. she said it might have been different if he didn't lie about it and try and blame her mum.
    she feels awful now because she did doubt her mum for a while, but its all turned out ok now, and she doesn't want anything to do with her dad...told him she's coped this long without him and doesn't want a low life liar in her life...he's just walked away again so obviously doesn't bother him that much.
    xxx
  • HI SKYE I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT I AGREE WITH YOU WHEN YOU SAY THAT YOUR BABY IS BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM, I MOVED FROM ENGLAND TO IRELAND AWAY FROM MY OH FOR THOSE EXACT REASONS. I CANT TRUST HIM, BELIEVE HIM OR ANYTHING ANYMORE AND I DONT WANT MY BABY IN THAT. SO HE WILL BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIS DAD. its a shame because i do still love OH alot but i cant put my baby into that.
  • i know it can be really hard..see m parents might be moving to newzealand and i have the chance to go with them...but atm am not ready to move...but i know i can always go with them if he starts making things difficult for me...although there is the chance he caan stop me doing so....
  • Hiya, you dont need to panic! Im in a similar situation- im nearly 27 weeks pregnant, and my ex left me 14 weeks into my pregnancy, because he "couldnt be bothered to give up drugs to be a father". We have had absolutly no contact since we split, he hasnt got in touch once, despite me asking him repeatidly what he plans on doing regarding our baby. I've accepted he's not going to be part of this babys life, and like you, I changed my number a few weeks ago too.
    Im assuming you werent married? But did you register him on the birth certificate? Im not sure how it works, but ive done my research, and if he DOES go to the courts, the government policy states that:

    Applying to the courts for parental responsibility:
    A father can apply to the court to gain parental responsibility. In considering an application from a father, the court will take the following into account:

    the degree of commitment shown by the father to his child
    the degree of attachment between father and child
    the father's reasons for applying for the order
    The court will then decide to accept or reject the application based on what it believes is in the child's best interest.

    Based on that, i think he wouldnt have a leg to stand on!
    Hope it helps
    Izzy
Sign In or Register to comment.

Featured Discussions