Forum home Pregnancy Miscarriage & pregnancy loss

It's hit me!!

Hi All

Just wanted to talk a bit, woke up this morning and it hit me big time that I am no longer pregnant and won't be holding my much wanted child in Dec!!

I have sobbed and sobbed for the last two hours and it really hurts, I feel so alone, my family and friends live 144 miles away and my husband just doesn't know what to say or do so just leaves me to it so makes me feel even more alone, he finds it difficult to show his emotions, I wish my mum was here so I could sob into her arms but instead all I have is my pillow as my mom is out on a day trip today with my dad and don't want to ring her and spoil her day as she's been looking forward to it.

I don't know how much more pain and hurt I can put myself through, this is our fourth consecutive miscarriage and I know all the tests they can do up to now have been done and although we don't get results for another 6-8 weeks it doesn't help ease the pain and I'm scared they are going to tell me there is nothing they can do!!

Is there anyone out there who feels the same or am I truly alone?


  • Heya
    you are'nt alone so don't worry. I have only had one mc so can't even imagine how much harder 4 must be. After my mcmy oh found it very hard to understand my greif. I think for them because they never really had a chance to bond with the baby they can move on easier.
    I am on month 4 ttc since mmc and every month I don't get pg it reminds me of how much I have lost and it makes the pain even worse.
    I hope the test results show that there is something they can do to prevent you having another mc. If you ever want to talk about it more then I am on msn, send me an e-mail and I will give you my msn details.
    Stay dtrong Hep.
    Hopefully we will all have our babies sometime soon.
    Take care
  • aw hun you are not alone. i am trying my best to stay positive but i am having my up and down moments.
    i'm still bleeding, and it was slightly heavier today which kept reminding me of what i'm going through and the fact that i am no longer pregnant.
    i know any mc must be awful but i'm particularly sad that we won't have our little christmas baby. i'd been dreaming of what it was going to be like.
    i'm worried i'll randomly break down at work when i go back.

    we've been out for the day today and all i could think about was the fact i really want to be pregnant again and i long for the day we can hold our little baby. it's so hard not to talk about anything else to my DH but i'm aware that i should probably shut up as i'm saying the same thing over and over again. and he has told me that we can't keep dwelling on things, which is probably his own way of dealing with it, fair enough.

    i really hope your tests enable you to be treated or prevented from having another mc.

    big hug hun, we're all here for you.

  • Bless you hep, you are not alone. I wish I could be there to give you a big hug and a shoulder to cry on. i really feel for you being so far away from your family. I had not told anyone that I was pg, was waiting until after the dating scan. So now I have no one to talk to either, even tho my family are all around me. I just dont feel able to tell them I was pg, had kept quiet, and have now lost it. My partner too seems to have 'shut down' and doesnt want to talk about it. We had some huge rows the past week or so, but seem to be a bit closer now. I think it was mainly that I felt abandoned to cope with my grief alone. I cried every night for a week, and it still hits me blindside now and I have to fight the tears. I was so looking forward to my Christmas baby.

    I cant begin to imagine how much you must be hurting right now. one mc is bad enough but 4 must be devastating.

    I really hope you get some good news from these tests, that they can help you to go on and have a healthy pg and that you will soon be holding your much deserved baby in your arms.

    If you want to chat, cry or shout and scream, feel free to email me anytime hun. I know its not as good as having someone there for you, but it might help to get it all out.

    ((((huge cyber hugs))))) Take care hun. xx
  • Thanks ladies for your posts it really does help to know I'm not alone.

    Normally this kind of breakdown doesn't happen to me for sometime as I keep a brave face on but this time I think because we had a heartbeat I really thought this was going to be the one.

    I had a really bad day yesterday bleeding and really bad pain, lost a lot of clots which was quite scary as I haven't had that before and constantly reminded me I was no longer pregnant.

    I also have been dreaming (when I can sleep) about our xmas baby and and what it was going to be like and imagining all the family gushing over it and saying "well done it was worth all the previous pain I had gone through" but for what? yet again another mc it's so heartbreaking.

    Luckily I'm signed off work for now as hospital signed me off for a week which is standard practice following an ERPC and I have to go back to my GP weds for evaluation and more blood tests, I know I can't face work yet so will most likely get another sick note, the girls where I work aren't very sympathetic as I'm just a nuisance to them as I keep going off sick as this is the third time in less than 12 months, which puts more pressure on them but I can't help wanting a child of my own, they all have theirs it just doens't seem fair.

    My husband keeps acting like he's helping and he's not, initially he asked "why was I so upset" I screamed at him "what do you think or have you forgotten already" I was so mad and he just upped and left the room leaving me sobbing, he just doesn't know how to handle emotion as they don't experience the pain like us do they? Then all he keeps asking is "do you want a drink? Do you want something to eat?" I could screama t him but just say "no leave me be if you've nothing to say" it's so frustrating.

    I know I can't bring my baby back, I just hope we get the answers we are looking for otherwise I really don't know what we will do. Have told hubby I don't want to get pregnant again until after we see specialist, he thinks we should but I think mentally I need a break having 4 mc and 3 being in the last 12 months is too much for me to handle emotionally at the minute and need time to rebuild my strength.

    I know I have gone on and on but find it helps.

    Thanks again all of you, your all a big help xxxx
  • oh hun a big hug to you.
    you can tell us anything, especially if it helps you.
    i'm so sorry to hear you are feeling so alone i wish i could come round to yours and give you a big hug and we could have a good cry together.

    it sounds like you have made your decision about waiting to try again which is probably for the best right now.

    when i get frustrated i try to see it from the man's point of view and luc86 is right - it is hard for them to grieve like us because they didn't have that bond. and it is probably difficult for them to know what to say to us so they do what they can and try to be "practical" like you say Hep with offering us drinks/food etc. maybe it is just their way of coping. i know it is frustrating for us, and especially for you Hep as you really need support. i am sure that they are all upset for their little lost beans but just don't show it like we do. i can only recommend trying to talk to them to say exactly how you are feeling and why you are feeling like that and that you love each other dearly but just need some support. i think they need pointing in the right direction. maybe there isn't enough information out there for how they should deal with miscarriages.

    i'm also sad to hear that your work colleagues aren't being that supportive. you can't help what has happened and you need time to heal physically and mentally. i hope you manage to get some more time off. i've got a couple more days off this week providing i feel well enough to go back. i just hope my bleeding doesn't get heavier.

    i hope you manage to get some rest and that you will feel a little better in the morning,
    we're all here to hold your hand and support you
  • Hi Hep. I have now started to come to terms with my miscarriage on the 01/05/08. I had weeks of uncontrollable sobbing, and i too started having arguments witn my partner (which we never usually do). Things are a bit better now, and we are closer. I have had towo miscarriages, and have the same worries as you about the future. I think you are being sensible waiting for your results, as thins will give you an emotional and physical break and also provide you with the reassurance you need for next time. A week or two after m,y miscarriage, i was telling my partner that he doesn't understand how i feel and that i wanted him to look at some miscarriage information on the net with me. we looked at this website: and it really seemed to help my fiance see how i was feeling and the worries taht i was having. Maybe you could look at it with your husband. About the girls at work - well it is tough- you have the right to try for a baby, and it is a sad fact that miscarriages do happen and they need to be more understanding. Are these ladies not mothers?
    I hope you are getting all the ciddles you need
    Bex XX
  • Thanks Bex

    I would have emailed you personally but it appears your profile is not set up for me to email you.

    The website you gave me was really helpful and printed it off and gave it to my husband to read when he felt ready to and told him that hopefully this will help him understand what I am going through. Not heard back from him yet but he has gone off round the garage with it so hopefully he will take the time to read it.

    As for work most of them are mothers and a couple of them have been through 1 mc but not multiple like me. They are very insensitive I'm afraid and I don't think much of them apart from a couple who have kept in touch by email and are trying to be as supportive as possible. Not even my own boss has contacted me she just gets HR to go between us so I think we will be having words when I get back, she isn't a peoples person and feel it's very porr management on her side.

    I'm sorry to hear of your loss and that things are getting easier, I know they will for me too but it's been a lot harder this time as it was twins and although we lost one twin quite early on the other had a heartbeat and we had never got that far before so it's hits me harder this time knowing I had a life growing inside me.

    I feel a little easier today but still feel I have quite a lot of pent up anger and I need to get it out. Back to docs tomorrow and see what she says and take each day as it comes fromt there.

    Thanks again

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