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How to deal with shared custody...

lorialoria
in Single parents
My bf and I live together at the moment. My daughter is 8 months old. Recently he has agreed to move out but only on the condition that we share custody 50% and that he doesn't pay child support. I am so upset. I dreamed of having my daughter my whole life..and the thought of not seeing her 50% of the time hurts me sooo much. I don't know if i can do it. I'm so sad.
Our relationship was not healthy..he lied and threatened suicide 3 times when I told him we had to leave him . He lies, has creditors calling him daily, and is very manipulative. He doesn 't own a house, and has had to go to court in the past for a domestic disturbance with his ex. Is there any hope for me to get sole custody? I'm so upset...:\(

Replies

  • BenjismummyBenjismummy
    Hi i dont really know the ins and outs of the law and such but i would think he is just saying this to worry you and make things difficult about him moving out!maybe its best you talk to a solisitor or someone about where you can go from here...with all the past things you have mentioned im sure you would get custody with an agreed time slot for him to see your daughter..He has proven himself to be unstable(the suicide threats)and obviously has no stability with oweing money and no home!The first thing you should do is get him out and THEN worry about what to do next because i really feel this is just another one of his ways of trying to manipulate you...i have had a taste of this myself with my ex and babies dad.....he was always threatening to do things and the best way i believe is to ignore it because all to often its just silly childish threats from little boys who dont know what else to do or say!Good luck..x
  • leona2leona2
    hi hunny. go speak to a solicitor.
    when i split from my ex a few months ago i let him take our lo 9.30 - 6 once or twice a week...but there was big issues and stuff going on (read my post 'am i being selfish and unreasonable') so now i have said he has to see her at my house. he said he'd take me to court then...so i spoke to my solicitor.
    she says that because he has a criminal record and the things that have been going on, if he was to go through court he would get alot less than what i am offering.
    at the end of day we are the lo's mothers and have been their main carers so we know what is best for them and have the right to lay the ground rules.
    i think you should tell him he can see her a couple of days a week, and if your happy let him have her once overnight.
    rhianna was 11 months when we split and i only agreed to let him have her overnight after a couple more months.
    don't let him bully or scare you into having things his way...tell him how its gonna be and stick your ground...from what you've said it'll be the same as with my ex if he went through court...bur darrens was empty threats and he's now doing things my way, especially after i told him what my solicitor said.
    as for not paying maintenance...the csa don't care how often dads see the kids...they still have to pay.
    are you working, have you spoken to the job centre about benefits?
    its hard to start with but it gets so much easier, and you will have the most amazing relationship with your daughter.
    good luck hunny...let me know how you get on.
    xxx

    [Modified by: ~leona~ on June 26, 2008 10:26 PM]
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