Bro and sil havivg trouble concieving
Hi,
As some of you here may know I have just fallen pregnant again and am absolutely delighted, my family are even pleased for me this time (I am 25 and have 3 children already and my relatives were less than pleased when I started at 18 and continued to have more kids-thats another story), anyway my brother and sil are currently on the waiting list for IVF and we don't usually see each other.
I met my brother last night and he gave me a real ear bashing about 'all the mistakes I have made' and how he won't visit my house coz he doesn't think my kids are happy. This is total nonsense- I am a good mum, I'm not perfect by any means but my kids are very well cared for, well mannered and well dressed, they want for nothing.
I spoke to my other bro about this today and he said it was because of the fertility problems he and his wife are having but I just feel it is a bit unfair- its not my fault I can have children and they can't- I don't mean that to sound harsh, I am sure it is difficult for them to handle but surely I didn't deserve that- he had me in tears in public.
I just wondered if any of you had any advice on how to handle this if it comes up again- I don't want to hurt my brothers feelings but I also don't think that he has any right to hurt mine.
As some of you here may know I have just fallen pregnant again and am absolutely delighted, my family are even pleased for me this time (I am 25 and have 3 children already and my relatives were less than pleased when I started at 18 and continued to have more kids-thats another story), anyway my brother and sil are currently on the waiting list for IVF and we don't usually see each other.
I met my brother last night and he gave me a real ear bashing about 'all the mistakes I have made' and how he won't visit my house coz he doesn't think my kids are happy. This is total nonsense- I am a good mum, I'm not perfect by any means but my kids are very well cared for, well mannered and well dressed, they want for nothing.
I spoke to my other bro about this today and he said it was because of the fertility problems he and his wife are having but I just feel it is a bit unfair- its not my fault I can have children and they can't- I don't mean that to sound harsh, I am sure it is difficult for them to handle but surely I didn't deserve that- he had me in tears in public.
I just wondered if any of you had any advice on how to handle this if it comes up again- I don't want to hurt my brothers feelings but I also don't think that he has any right to hurt mine.
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Replies
TBH - if i was feeling what your bro said - I would be round your house to check on the kids - not stay away. I think your other bro is right - he is just upset because of their probs - it doesn't make it right tho.
Is he likely to have a sensible conversation with you? Maybe you can really find out what is going on in his mind? You could tell him you don't need the stress at the moment? I don't know tho as it is a hard one xx
Kee your chin up hun - and I hope this is a great PG!!
If anyone could help with that I could- I have suffered bad pnd in the past and know exactly what its like but he won't listen to anyone.
He also won't talk to anyone about the fertility thing I think its to do with male pride (even tho its his wife) and also coz my other bro had to have ivf and my mum is a village gossip and told absolutely everyone. So he wants to talk about it but feels he can't coz it would spread around and its all bottling up inside.
I feel for both of them- his wife is a lovely girl and hes going a bit mad out drinking alot and stuff and its not fair. It just sucks coz they would make lovely parents and there are ppl out there who have kids and don't care less about them.
I rarely ask them to do anything for me with regard to the kids. I work and oh is a house husband so were not scroungers.
It awful that two married adults have to feel nervous and slightly wary of telling ppl they are pregnant for fear of how they will react.