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Will Being a single mum affect my children?

Hi

Ive recently split from my long term partner after years of abuse and violence, My daughter is now 2 and im expecting my second in January, This obviously was the wrong time to get pregnant but ive made my descison and im sticking to it, Im finding it ok coping on my own with one child and im confident ill manage when my second comes along, however the only thing that gets me upset is how my children will cope without their dad, and how do i explain to them when the time comes that their father is no longer about. My 2 year old still says 'daddy' alot and i tell her he is at work. Due to the violence and constant beatings I recieved it has been advised that he stays away from me for the time being, I just worried that when they start school etc..they will be full of questions of why they dont have a daddy, (i dont plan on ever being with another man) i feel like im blabbling on now but the question im asking really is how do children cope without their dad does anyone have any positive feed back for me?

Replies

  • hi hun.
    sounds like your better off on your own and your coping really well.
    your children will also be so much better off without him if he thinks its ok to beat their mummy.
    i know you have probably lost all faith in men...but in time, i'm sure you will find yourself a lovely caring man who will love and respect you how you deserve, so never say never.
    does your ex want to see the children or is he not fussed?
    i personally don't think it will affect them. your baby will not know the difference as it would have never had a father and your 2 year old will soon forget if he stays away.
    when they get to school, there will inevitably be questions but aslong as you have answers to give them, i honestly don't think it will affect them.
    my lo still sees her dad (well, when it suits him, but thats a different story) so i can't give advice on experience, apart from my cousins dad has not been around since she was 3 and shesays she's noit bothered.
    her mum explained what happened when she started asking questions at about 5-6 years old. she says she can't remember him and she has always been ok with just her mum who has given her everything she needs, so she has never really been bothered about not having her dad about.
    i'm sure your daughter and new baby will feel the same hunny, so please don't beat yourself up, you sound like your doing a fab job.
    take of yourself and don't forget we're all here for you whenever.
    xxx
  • Hi yeah i just want to say well done for having the strenght to leave this "man" now your life can really start!i agree with everything Leona said so not going to repeat..I also do think single mums and children being brought up with another man taking the role of their dad is the norm these days,and yes children may ask questions at school but i seriously doubt it will effect your kids as im sure they wont be the only children in the class!im a single mum too and my sister was for several years and i think the bond the child has with the mother from this is great and my sisters kids(now they are older) respect how hard it was at times for her to cope alone!
    Take care x
  • Hi well done. It cant have been easy. My elder 2 boys dad left when the youngest was 2 then saw them on n off for about 6 months when i finally stopped access as he wasnt consistant. They are now 9 and 10 the eldest is off to senior school and i am proud to say they are well balanced kids. I found it easier to tell them the truth and as they got older i gave more detail.
    I fell pregnant xmas 2006 and when i told the dad to be he demanded i got rid. I didnt and had a beautiful baby boy sept last yr, I wondered how i would cope. You will be surprised at how you cope but if you do find it hard there are some fantastic midwife counsellers out there. Please dont suffer in silence ask for help. Good luck xx
  • Wow, Thanks so much for all this positive advice, I know that i may be looking into the future too much but this seems to be the only part that upsets me, it took me a while to get the courage to leave this man as i wanted a stable home for my daughter but in the end it proved to much for me to take. I cant image he will be in my childrens life when they are older but who knows but im starting to feel much better about the whole thing, so thanks leona, sarahlou and shorty!
  • hi hun i was a single mum for 4 years till i met my new partner when i got the courage to leave my husband my children was 5 and 2 it was hard at first but i think thats because i was lonely but i got through it for my girls and we got stronger together i wasnt looking for anybody when i met my partner and still i dont think i need him to help me raise my girls but i love having him around but it took me 4 years to find him and trust again because i didnt want my girls hurt after their dad did what he did to me we women are strong and so are our kids and yours will turn out great aswell take care keep strong and smiling x x
  • hi hun i was a single mum for 4 years till i met my new partner when i got the courage to leave my husband my children was 5 and 2 it was hard at first but i think thats because i was lonely but i got through it for my girls and we got stronger together i wasnt looking for anybody when i met my partner and still i dont think i need him to help me raise my girls but i love having him around but it took me 4 years to find him and trust again because i didnt want my girls hurt after their dad did what he did to me we women are strong and so are our kids and yours will turn out great aswell take care keep strong and smiling x x
  • hun, your daughter and baby are going to have more of a stable home without they're violent dad in it.
    looking into the future will upset you, it does still me coz when we decided to have a baby, i never imagined i would end up doing it on my own, and i do get lonely. then i just look at my daughter and how close we are, and think of what might happen in the future.
    you will find it hard to trust men again, but there are some lovely 1's out there, and 1 day when we least expect it, we'll all find 1 and get what we deserve and once dreamt of.
    keep smiling hunny...it'll get better from now on, you've done the hard bit leaving him.
    xxx
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