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OT-am I being nasty and insensitive?
My lo's dad tried to kill himself today-overdose, and all I can think is what a selfish bastard! My lo is my whole life and I could never choose to leave her and cannot understand him wishing to. He says he is depressed but from the way he talks(and boy does he go on about it a lot) he sounds more self obsessed than depressed.
I told her that daddy was held up at work today so couldn't come and see her and am waiting to hear more from his mum. I think if it was life threatening she would have told us by now, so I don't know if hes still in hospital or what is happening. If he is kept in I suppose I'll have to just tell her that he's poorly and not tell her why although that will rankle when she tells me how good daddy is to her-don't know how I'm going to not tell her when shes older.
I can't help feeling like this but then have to think what a cow I am!
I told her that daddy was held up at work today so couldn't come and see her and am waiting to hear more from his mum. I think if it was life threatening she would have told us by now, so I don't know if hes still in hospital or what is happening. If he is kept in I suppose I'll have to just tell her that he's poorly and not tell her why although that will rankle when she tells me how good daddy is to her-don't know how I'm going to not tell her when shes older.
I can't help feeling like this but then have to think what a cow I am!
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I understand that there are obviously issues in his life, but at the end of the day, he is blessed with a little girl and the thought of you having to tell your daughter that, would be unbearable! He's got to think of his responsibilities!
Sorry if I now sound harsh or nasty or insensitive, but think he needs to see the bigger picture and look after his responsibilities!!
xx
The silly thing is that he has a good job thats very rewarding and a full life-lots of interests, friends etc,as well as her.
He has been very mollycoddled and is self obsessed-hes the youngest(by 7 years)of 4.
I don't think I'm going to be able to find it in myself to be sympathetic and am worried that my attitude may make matters worse for him.
I have to say, I think I would be with you on this one. I would find it very difficult to be sympathetic with him. He appears to have a full life, although of course I don't know what goes on behind closed doors, but still don't think I could be sympathetic.
If you think it could be worse for him if you are not sympathetic, it may be wise just to completely stay away from him, He probably wont be in a fit state to see your little girl anyway, so that will give you a bit of space from him.
What is your relationship like with him normally?
xx
I think you're right to have reservations about him!
xx
hope you ok hun, big hugs xxx
I don't suppose I'm going to know I will react until I see him. I think if I feel that I may not be able to be understanding then it might be better to tell him that I'd rather not discuss it because I wont be able to tell him what he wants to hear. On the other hand if I don't say something about his responsibilities to her then its almost like condoneing it.
Thanks Chloe-I can see that if I say too much thats negative to her that I will be accused of poisoning her against him, but I feel that I shall have to tell her when shes older.I'm sorry that you have such a poor relationship with your father.
I guess I'm going to have to sleep on it.
Thanks for your replies-its done me good to write it down rather than it going round and round in my head.xxx
I don't think ur being nasty and insensitive isn't the right word but i understand that its difficult 4 some1 who has never been in ur babies dad's position to understand- i have.
A long time ago b4 i had my lo and met dh while at school i tried to do the same thing and i can tell u that it never crosses ur mind that ur going to hurt the ppl u'll leave behind but in fact u think they'll be better off with out you.
Thats how i felt.....like nothing was going right i couldn't do anything right and i couldn't shake the cloud or fog that was in front of me i just didn't want to exist anymore and thought the world would be a better place without me- my parents would be happier- every1.
I was lucky that my parents found me and got me 2 hospital and i got help..i got my 2nd chance and i've never looked back!
Its understandable that ur going to feel protective over ur daughter and angry about what he's done but depression is a mental illness and he needs all the support and understanding he can get.
Please don't take this the wrong way i'm not judging u but like SB i think its important ppl see it from the other side and i hope he's okay now.
xxxxxxx
[Modified by: lilac* on July 01, 2008 09:48 AM]
I don't think you are wrong to feel so mad about it, it could have seriously affected your lo's future. For my mum it happened on boxing day and so she has always hated xmas so in some ways it has even changed parts of my life although my mum tried to hide it etc.
I hope that he gets help!
Todays update is that although I left a message for his mum I have had no reply, but my friend who I've worked with today lives across the road from his mum and says her car is there and the spare room curtains are closed so he is obviosly there-nice to be kept informed by his mum-for all I know my lo could've been fatherless!!! Yes unfortunately I am still very angry and dont want to ring her home because if he answers I will rant at him which I appreciate isnt really fair but I need time to calm down about it all.
Anyway thankyou again for your support and advice.
Helen.xxx