Gutted :cry: (tmi?)
i tried to make love to my oh last night (as its around that time of the month ) and just as i was about there he said...........
"come on, hurry up, its almost half eleven" (he gets up at half 6 for work)
Of course that was a major turn off, and he was upset that i didnt want to continue having sex.
So now i know having sex with me is a chore.
he didnt even kiss me goodbye this morning when he went to work.
He did make me a brew and apologise when he came home briefly about 9am, but I'm still left feeling unattractive, undesirable, and like its all a chore.
It had been just over a fortnight since we'd had sex on friday, so i told him he had to get upstairs and he said can we not leave it till later .. (knowing that by the end of the night were both too tired to bother)
How are we supposed to have a love life let alone make a baby when i now worry about having sex because he might not want it????
"come on, hurry up, its almost half eleven" (he gets up at half 6 for work)
Of course that was a major turn off, and he was upset that i didnt want to continue having sex.
So now i know having sex with me is a chore.
he didnt even kiss me goodbye this morning when he went to work.
He did make me a brew and apologise when he came home briefly about 9am, but I'm still left feeling unattractive, undesirable, and like its all a chore.
It had been just over a fortnight since we'd had sex on friday, so i told him he had to get upstairs and he said can we not leave it till later .. (knowing that by the end of the night were both too tired to bother)
How are we supposed to have a love life let alone make a baby when i now worry about having sex because he might not want it????
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Replies
I usually get the "I'm knackered" all the time(which in truth he, or I usually am because we both work and have Ollie to look after), so the fact that i'd got him to agree to it was great....
He never makes the first move, its always me that instigates it, even when he's suggested it he doesnt start anything.
For me though it's changed so much though i use to love sex and now I never feel in the mood as it's become only to make a baby.
I would say sit down with him and tell him how that comment made you feel. The biggest thing is to talk to one another I talk all the time with OH and things are getting better, I would say he was tired and maybe feels it;s just for making a baby though he could of said it a lot better.
Big hugs
K xx
Im sure he in no way meant to hurt you, or make you feel undesirable etc, maybe the pressures of work, caring for a lo and ttc have got to him a bit, and as men really cant handle their emotions or feelings too well, he just blundered in with foot firmly in mouth!
Obviously I dont know your background or anything, so I dont know what other pressures may be a factor, but I do know that if you dont tell him how he hurt you and how you are feeling now, then things will just get a whole lot worse. The resentment will fester and eat away at your relationship.
Good luck hunny, really hope you can sort this out and start to feel closer soon xxxx
tell him exactly how it makes you feel when he says stuff like that. i did to mine last night because it was playing on my mind. the more i was thinking about it the more it was winding me up. it was making me feel like he wasn't attracted to me anymore. he did apologise and said he never realised. (do men ever) i don't think he understands how hard it is to conceive. hes been desperate for a baby since before we got married but i wanted to wait but he thinks we can just have sex once and thats it job done.
i thought men were the ones who were supposed to think about sex all the time and moan there wives don't want it. lol its like getting blood out of a stone with my hubby.
I mean I know now it's hard as we are trying to there are times we know we have to do it but if we are just looking at a normal sex life then that is what he said.
k XX
The amount of sex we have these days has dwindled to practically nothing, when my sex drive used to be sky high.
I've tried playing hard to get, but it doesnt make any difference, because he never instigates anything anyway. He didnt even realise it had been that long since we'd had sex, and when i told him his response was "oh well".
He used to have a high sex drive as well, and used to try to start things before we had ollie. :roll:
We didnt take much notice of ttc last month and as a result had sex maybe about 2 times..... but this will prob be our last month of trying before we give up and settle for what we have. (and no it wont happen then because i would be goin on the injection, i'm sick to death of afs!)
I dont have a high view of myself since Ollie was born, and am struggling to get rid of the baby belly and especially the overhang, and OH has openly admitted that it doesnt look very attractive. I went from a size 8 to a current size 14/16, but i'm only 5ft tall so i look really really big.
We leave Ollie at nans house occasionally to have time just the two of us, but then we usually flake out from exhaustion, before any mention of sex.
Cant really talk much for the next few days, I've got friends coming round this aft and evening, and also got my sister here for a couple of days. :roll: So no talking and no sex either.
To top it all off this weekend my MIL suggested we should get rid of our dog! Thats another story tho, but i hate her for saying it.
xxx
I can't believe I'm about to share this.....but I hope it helps! My OH went out a few months ago and bought me some Ann Summers lingerie. Not the trashy kind, but stuff he liked, and would have liked to see me in. I don't have to put it on everytime, but sometimes if he hasn't had a lot of sleep, or we have time restraints for one reason or another, it works! I'm not saying I like everything he chose. But it seems a small price to pay, to get him "in the mood". After all it's him that needs to enjoy it more...if you know what I mean! *blush*
We do plan when to bd, and my OH doesn't like that part of it either. xx
amandaxx