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Think OH is fed up of trying
Well i think its finally happened. My OH is getting sick of trying not the BFP bit.
He's been desperate for a baby for a long time even since before we started trying. It was me who wanted to wait until we were married.
Anyway up until now hes been brilliant, he's been finding out things he never knew and even questioning about my motorcycle (as he calls it).
Since the weekend its like he just can't be bothered.
i've been picking up highs since monday on my monitor but hes just not interested and hasn't come anywhere near me. i'm not gonna force him to bd but he knows from the monitor that we should.
hes even been sneaking to bed without telling me then when i go in hes asleep. i don't know if its me being paranoid or if its just because i feel guilty that we've been trying so long and it hasn't happened as hes been given the all clear and i think its my pcos that causes the problem. maybe i'm doing his head in with all working out of dates and cycles and ov etc.
i know he might feel like i only want him to ttc but he should know thats not true because i'm the same with him all the time, i don't force him to bd when i'm picking up any signs of ov. its usually him checking on me all the time as he doesn't want to miss my ov.
i don't want to bring it up as he might just think i'm pressuring him.
i don't know i just feel really sad today as him being like this all of a sudden makes be feel crap.
maybe i'll just not mention anything about ttc for a week or so and see if he says anything.
He's been desperate for a baby for a long time even since before we started trying. It was me who wanted to wait until we were married.
Anyway up until now hes been brilliant, he's been finding out things he never knew and even questioning about my motorcycle (as he calls it).
Since the weekend its like he just can't be bothered.
i've been picking up highs since monday on my monitor but hes just not interested and hasn't come anywhere near me. i'm not gonna force him to bd but he knows from the monitor that we should.
hes even been sneaking to bed without telling me then when i go in hes asleep. i don't know if its me being paranoid or if its just because i feel guilty that we've been trying so long and it hasn't happened as hes been given the all clear and i think its my pcos that causes the problem. maybe i'm doing his head in with all working out of dates and cycles and ov etc.
i know he might feel like i only want him to ttc but he should know thats not true because i'm the same with him all the time, i don't force him to bd when i'm picking up any signs of ov. its usually him checking on me all the time as he doesn't want to miss my ov.
i don't want to bring it up as he might just think i'm pressuring him.
i don't know i just feel really sad today as him being like this all of a sudden makes be feel crap.
maybe i'll just not mention anything about ttc for a week or so and see if he says anything.
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Replies
I have been in the same boat as you in the past. It took me a while to understand the effect that my obsessiveness had on my DH and our relationship suffered for a bit because of it. Everything I talked about included the word pregnancy, baby, ovulation, sex etc and my DH backed off completely, the more he backed off the more I got depressed. I know you said that you would never put pressure on him but does he know this? Men need to hear these things LOL Maybe you should sit down and talk about it, he needs to know you love him for him and not because you want a baby. I did this with DH and it changed our whole relationship for the better.
It sounds to me like you both need to take a break from the whole "baby thing" and concentrate on each other for a while, remember why you got together in the first place. I know that it's easier said than done when all you can think about is pregnancy and ovulation but it's important that you are strong as a couple and understand why you got together.Once you relax about it and don't let it consume your relationship it will probably happen alot quicker for you both because you won't be thinking about it as much. For the moment I wouldn't tell him anything about your OV dates etc, if he asks you I would say don't know and change subject really quickly. Bet he won't expect you to say that.
I understand how you must be feeling, it will happen when the time is right so enjoy your time together. Good luck and let me know how you get on
xxx
I've not been TTC all that long but it's easy to imagine this happening.
I initially wanted to keep my most fertile days to myself so my hubby didn't feel that's the only reason I was wanting to BD but he'd read up too so had an idea. So far it's been fine but he noticed towards the end of my cycle that suddenly he wasn't quite so irresistable...! And joked I only wanted him for one thing! As I say at this stage it was all quite tongue in cheek but add a few months or even years and I could definitely see that it would get strained.
In terms of advice, as I say I can't speak from experience but I would be inclined to not mention it, even if it means missing out this cycle (tough I know, seems a waste) but I think it's important that he doesn't feel that's all your intimacy is about these days. Then perhaps in a week or so when it's obvious you're not OV, try again gently so he feels genuinely desired.
Following that maybe you could discuss it and just say I hope you're not disheartened it'll happen when it's right and remind him how much you love him and why you're with him and that when the time comes it'll be amazing but trying and even having a baby isn't all you are or will be about as individuals and as a couple.
Maybe suggest a silly immature night out like going to a club, going bowling, having a few drinks, just have some fun together, enjoy these 'free nights' that new parents say they miss. Just to remind yourselves you can still enjoy life while you wait for that BFP and that it's not on hold with every month that AF comes as much as a disappointment it can feel.
Good luck, how long have you been TTC may I ask?
L x
i've thought about it all day and i'm not gonna mention my ov at all this month. and if we miss it we miss it. its not the end of the world. as you say i'd rather make sure were ok first. and that he knows i don't just want him for one thing. we've waited this long i'm sure missing a month isn't gonna be any hardship.
i'll carry on doing my monitor as its the first month of using it and i want it to get to know my cycle but i just won't tell him i'm using it.
p.s i haven't been on any form of pill for 3 years and were hoping i'd just fall so we've been trying for nearly 3 years. but only obsessively for about 18 month. ie charting and all the rest of it. the hospital are meant to be calling me back next month so might just have a break from ttc completely till we've been back.
i'll sit down and have a proper chat with him.