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Had to ring the social on her...
in Baby
I feel so so guilty...
A friend (of sorts) has a gorgeous little girl who's now 14months old- ish. She is so pale and thin - to the extent that her skin looks like its started to go yellow and her eyes are sunken back in her head.
The daughter is such a sweetie - she's so smiley when she's around other people she knows and seems very happy in herself; but she is just so small. She begs for food whenever i see her and will eat everything on an adults plate and ask for more,
I was so worried that she'd be 'naturally small' or whatever but i really don't think that is the case anymore and i have rung social services.
She's not being abused in anyway but i really think the mum needs some support.
A friend (of sorts) has a gorgeous little girl who's now 14months old- ish. She is so pale and thin - to the extent that her skin looks like its started to go yellow and her eyes are sunken back in her head.
The daughter is such a sweetie - she's so smiley when she's around other people she knows and seems very happy in herself; but she is just so small. She begs for food whenever i see her and will eat everything on an adults plate and ask for more,
I was so worried that she'd be 'naturally small' or whatever but i really don't think that is the case anymore and i have rung social services.
She's not being abused in anyway but i really think the mum needs some support.
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Replies
If a child is being abuse fine, but if you just have too much time on your hands and enjoy nosing in peoples lives from your pedestal than get a life.
[Modified by: hedgie on December 06, 2008 01:45 PM]
xx
I'm sure your not posting this to brag or relieve guilt but just to gauge others opinions, altho i would have posted this before i had called to get other peoples advice first!
I would be mortified if i was contacted by social services and would never speak to the person who called them again tbh!
I'm sure you acted in good faith tho so don't feel guilty, as everyone has said if more people take an interest more children could be saved but i think you need strong evidence first!
Hedgie, thats such an awful story, i really feel for you and can understand your response to this post, hope everythings ok now!
Samantha 8+6
xx
As others have said, surely calling social services should have been a last resort? Did you try and talk to her first or offer her some support if she's not coping, or maybe needs some advice on nutrition for children?
My son is constantly hungry and begs for food from anyone who'll listen - you would be forgiven for thinking that he was starved at home. But I can assure anyone who asks that he gets 3 good homemade meals a day, snacks and plenty of breast milk. He's also small for his age, and quite thin given the amount of food he has, but perfectly healthy other than the colds etc that all babies get.
If you were a friend of mine and had seen my boy last week you would have called the social on me too. He looked awful - pale clammy skin, sunken eyes, completely listless. Maybe I was abusing him...?
Or maybe he had a bad ear infection and needed antibiotics.....
Appearances can be deceptive.
What's done is done, but in the future maybe you could try helping someone, rather than judging them.
Hedgie your story is awful and i really really feel for you, my heart goes out to you. I do think though that it is a different situation when it is just a nosy neighbour who perhaps knows nothing or very little about yourself and your family. Whalemummy actually knows this person and has clearly spent time with her and her daughter so it's a rather more personal situation, and the way she has described the childs appearance sounds far from healthy.
No-one knows what goes on behind closed doors, you obviously don't know her that well as you refer to her as a friend 'of sorts', im sure if you were close to her you'd be able to judge the situation better. You'd never have forgiven yourself if something happened to that little girl xx
As for the SS taking babies away from the parents they only do that as a very very last resort if help has been offered and the baby is still being abused. Look at Baby P for heaven sake...that poor kid was smashed to pieces by his mother - had a broken back, pulled out finger nails and he STILL was not taked away into care...messed up world we live in!! Sorry just getting a bit emotional, I hate it when defenceless people are harmed. xx
[Modified by: ~yummy_mummy~ on December 06, 2008 04:27 PM]
I guess it's just the stigma of SS somehow implies that you are purposely mistreating your child, which is awful if it isn't the case (as with Hedgie's awful story!).
Hopefully SS will be able to determine what the case is and offer her the right kind of help if it is needed. xxx
I have a friend who's little girl is 3 months older than cameron and is tiny in comparison. She has dropped from the 75th centile to the 8th in 4 months and my friend says the HV are concerned. She's weaning but at 8 months is not having anything with fat. no red meat, no yoghurts or dairy. just veg for meals, no pudding. I personally think this is wrng and have told my friend so...which she took offence at because she's a mum of 2 and im on my first. But i couldnt not say anything cos i thought she was underfeeding her lo. i wouldnt report her though....unless i was absolutly sure she was neglecting her daughter.
you've made this decision for a reason. trust your judgement.
i hope you do know enough about this situation to have done what you did, if not then i think you should reconsider your status as 'friend' x
However, I do hope that whatever happens this lady & her child get help from whatever source is needed. If a child has yellow skin and looks scrawny that is normally a sign of jaundice which indicates liver disease something that I thought would have been noticed by a hv or gp (if she sees one regularly). This isn't caused by abuse or malnourishment but by the liver's inability to absorb bilirubin so it builds in the blood causing these symptoms (I had severe jaundice as a baby and my oh suffers with a liver problem which may be hereditary so must get lo tested soon).
If this lady is a friend, no matter if you call her one of sorts, I would have thought a kind word in her ear would have been more appropriate action firstly but then again you had your reasons and it's done now.......