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MIL and OH rant!
I'm already the bad guy with MIL because i'm sick of her getting Ollie new things all the time and I've told her so, and hubby has said to her he doesnt understand the problem (she buys him something new every week, and spoils him and fills our house full of crap and thus leaves nothing for anyone else to buy him, and is teaching him to expect new things whenever he sees her)
so it was grudgingly that i allowed her to come up yesterday, and only because we needed some things sorting out in the house, including where ollie ripped off wallpaper, before getting it valued on monday....
Well, anyway, i got all the wallpaper and paste and stuff out so she could do the patching jobs and got everything ready for her to do it.
She decided to use a PAN!!!! to mix the paste in instead of a tub, and mixed it with a fork.... hubby was at work whilst she was doing this and she'd done it before i noticed as i was upstairs sorting stuff out and couldnt see what she was up to.
OH text to ask how we were doing and i told him what she'd done and that i wasnt happy about it...... so when he came home i thought he would have a word. He didnt.
THEN!!!!!!!!!! (at this point please bear in mind she uses marigolds to wash up and thus cannot feel the temperature of the water) she washed the pan and USED IT TO COOK PASTA IN! :evil: :x
So I told OH again that I really was unhappy with it and there was no way on earth Ollie was eating stuff out of that pan. I trusted him to understand why I was upset, and to side with me on it.
Ollie got food cooked by OH that hadn't seen hide nor hair of wallpaper paste and i put up and shut up with the stuff MIL made. I mean its not like it can do me any harm, what with me being pregnant and all that (sarcasm there).
I'd already told him I didnt want them staying until I went to work (at 7pm) so when i fell asleep on the couch they asked about it and he did say he would be fine without them staying... thank god he got something right yesterday!
Anyway once i'd woken up I asked him what he had said to her, and he said that he'd told her the following but not in these exact words... that i'd had a hissy fit over her using the pan for paste.
Not that it was wrong as it was a cooking utensil, or that WE were unhappy that she's used it - no - that I, ME, MYSELF, on my own was unhappy about it!!!!!!!!!! WTF!?!?!
What part of wallpaper paste being full of chemicals doesnt he get? What part of a pan being for FOOD doesnt he get? And what part of Ollie being expected to at it when he's bloody ill (and MIL is 'so so worried about him' yeah right) doesnt he understand is just not acceptable....?
And what part of always siding with his mother and always making me out to be the bad guy to her doesnt he understand is undermining our relationship?
Dont get me wrong - she is the perfect person who I have no chance of living up to coz i cant raise two kids and hold down three jobs at the same time (not that i'd want to either! rather spend more time with the kids) whilst always having a spotless house and food on the table ready to eat at the right times.....
I understand that I dont stand a chance of living up to her - what i dont understand is why he married me if he wanted someone like his bloody mother!?!
And why is she always right? Why cant he ever ever take my 'side', and show us as a united front against other people... are we not his family? Are we not THE most important people to him? Obviously not, as his mother is always right.
Even if he didnt agree with me on something, can he not argue the issue with me in private but decide on a joint answer/point to the other person so that its 'we' this or that, and not 'me/i' this or that.....
Is it just me? Am I being stupid for thinking that its wrong to use a cooking item for wallpaper paste? Am i also wrong and stupid for expecting my husband to understand why its wrong, and to take his mother of the pedestal he's got her on? Is he really that set in his ways that noone but his mother is right/good/reasonable? I thought I was being perfectly reasonable allowing him to tell her rather than blowing a fuse at her myself..... but he doesnt see the problem with what she did, and as usual its just me that has a problem, and i am apparantly just trying to upset her and cause arguements.... (oh and no matter what the arguement is about he always turns it around to try and make out that i'm telling him he doesnt work enough for us - where that came from this time i've no idea as it was about a pan and wallpaper paste and him making me out to be the bad guy again, not work... i've never said he doesnt work enough - our work arguements are usually about him working too much!)
I'm not sure what to do if he wont ever tell her she's wrong, or ever take a stand with me......
Will he really never change and understand that me and him and our children are his family now and that his mother takes second place now...?
Its not like I'm that way with my dad - I'll tell my dad if he's wrong, and often have to.
So angry, and upset, and confused.
xxx
so it was grudgingly that i allowed her to come up yesterday, and only because we needed some things sorting out in the house, including where ollie ripped off wallpaper, before getting it valued on monday....
Well, anyway, i got all the wallpaper and paste and stuff out so she could do the patching jobs and got everything ready for her to do it.
She decided to use a PAN!!!! to mix the paste in instead of a tub, and mixed it with a fork.... hubby was at work whilst she was doing this and she'd done it before i noticed as i was upstairs sorting stuff out and couldnt see what she was up to.
OH text to ask how we were doing and i told him what she'd done and that i wasnt happy about it...... so when he came home i thought he would have a word. He didnt.
THEN!!!!!!!!!! (at this point please bear in mind she uses marigolds to wash up and thus cannot feel the temperature of the water) she washed the pan and USED IT TO COOK PASTA IN! :evil: :x
So I told OH again that I really was unhappy with it and there was no way on earth Ollie was eating stuff out of that pan. I trusted him to understand why I was upset, and to side with me on it.
Ollie got food cooked by OH that hadn't seen hide nor hair of wallpaper paste and i put up and shut up with the stuff MIL made. I mean its not like it can do me any harm, what with me being pregnant and all that (sarcasm there).
I'd already told him I didnt want them staying until I went to work (at 7pm) so when i fell asleep on the couch they asked about it and he did say he would be fine without them staying... thank god he got something right yesterday!
Anyway once i'd woken up I asked him what he had said to her, and he said that he'd told her the following but not in these exact words... that i'd had a hissy fit over her using the pan for paste.
Not that it was wrong as it was a cooking utensil, or that WE were unhappy that she's used it - no - that I, ME, MYSELF, on my own was unhappy about it!!!!!!!!!! WTF!?!?!
What part of wallpaper paste being full of chemicals doesnt he get? What part of a pan being for FOOD doesnt he get? And what part of Ollie being expected to at it when he's bloody ill (and MIL is 'so so worried about him' yeah right) doesnt he understand is just not acceptable....?
And what part of always siding with his mother and always making me out to be the bad guy to her doesnt he understand is undermining our relationship?
Dont get me wrong - she is the perfect person who I have no chance of living up to coz i cant raise two kids and hold down three jobs at the same time (not that i'd want to either! rather spend more time with the kids) whilst always having a spotless house and food on the table ready to eat at the right times.....
I understand that I dont stand a chance of living up to her - what i dont understand is why he married me if he wanted someone like his bloody mother!?!
And why is she always right? Why cant he ever ever take my 'side', and show us as a united front against other people... are we not his family? Are we not THE most important people to him? Obviously not, as his mother is always right.
Even if he didnt agree with me on something, can he not argue the issue with me in private but decide on a joint answer/point to the other person so that its 'we' this or that, and not 'me/i' this or that.....
Is it just me? Am I being stupid for thinking that its wrong to use a cooking item for wallpaper paste? Am i also wrong and stupid for expecting my husband to understand why its wrong, and to take his mother of the pedestal he's got her on? Is he really that set in his ways that noone but his mother is right/good/reasonable? I thought I was being perfectly reasonable allowing him to tell her rather than blowing a fuse at her myself..... but he doesnt see the problem with what she did, and as usual its just me that has a problem, and i am apparantly just trying to upset her and cause arguements.... (oh and no matter what the arguement is about he always turns it around to try and make out that i'm telling him he doesnt work enough for us - where that came from this time i've no idea as it was about a pan and wallpaper paste and him making me out to be the bad guy again, not work... i've never said he doesnt work enough - our work arguements are usually about him working too much!)
I'm not sure what to do if he wont ever tell her she's wrong, or ever take a stand with me......
Will he really never change and understand that me and him and our children are his family now and that his mother takes second place now...?
Its not like I'm that way with my dad - I'll tell my dad if he's wrong, and often have to.
So angry, and upset, and confused.
xxx
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Replies
my oh doesn't realise that me and his baby (due in feb) are his family now. Wish i had some advice to help!!!
Gem x
And your oh needs a kick up the arse (what is it with men & their mothers)!?
You had a perfectly acceptable rant.
And loved the scan pic on your other post xx
Can't advise on how to get hubbie to present a unity front either cos mine is SHITE at it too! It is always me who said thought or did anything that might not please the mil even if we have both discussed and decided on something!
Hope you are feeling a bit calmer today and the valuation comes back as what you want/hope!
*deep breaths* least i dont have to worry about it for a loooong time!
such as not expect a meal cooked for me the first time i met her to make sure they were feeding him properly.....
not give ice lollies to baby after being told not to, and even being caught at it behind their backs......
it is just the whole 'i dont mind it she's got the problems with it' attitude he has...
he told me she was upset that i hadnt replied to her text letting me know they were due to arrive - i couldnt because they were almost an hour earlier than we'd agreed - and ive told her before about turning up early!
also i didnt open the gate for them... WTF? Is she useless...? I was on the fone and looking after Ollie, sometimes i can open the gate for them, but i dont open it for anyone else so why should they get special treatement, especially being early!
God, she really does make my blood boil, which is a shame as i really like her
She just needs to really reign it in, all of it - the over powering niceness, the buying things for him (went to mexico the other week while he was in hospital, and even though she was told NOT to bring anything at all back she brought two paper statues (in a house with a dog and kids they wont last long) for us, and for Ollie a pair of mexican shorts (winter...) three t shirts, a book a stupid clown face that makes noise and patronisingly names parts of the face and a pop up climbing tunnel..... all the clothes are in 12-18 months so wont fit him by the time its warm enough to wear them, and why does he need another book and another stupid toy... and the cube thingy isnt supposed to be used with children under the age of three......he's 18 months FGS!
anyway - i think if ollie gets a partner i'll just keep out of the way unless asked otherwise....
xxxx