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OH's drinking habits in the last few weeks

Here I am, sat at home again with my daughter asleep nut otherwise on my own for the fourth time in less than 2 weeks because my OH has gone out on the raz again. Each time he has come home in a state and each time its been after 1am. I have had the "please can you not do this because I'm in my last few days and you might need to drive to hospital / I am exhausted and need the help at home. Each time I am told that i am being unreasonable because he won't have a life after the baby is born and he just wants some fun and he could drive even though he'd be over the limit. ER, no. I'll be calling an ambulance / taxi then. He keeps on going out in London which at that time of night is usually an hour and a half commute from home. Each time he tells me he won't go over the limit and he won't be late and then is late and doesn't answer his phone so I stay awake worrying until he does come in and then am up rowing with him when he finally arrives before having to get up early and start all over again to get my little girl up and to school. Wednesday night was his last session and he had the cheek to get me to take his suit to the dry cleaners today because somebody he was out with had spilt red wine down it. He had the day off yesterday to help out here and with school runs etc as I am up to my eyeballs in a bad cold and instead spent the day buying clothes for himself (not the presents he was sent out to get) and sleeping off his hangover, leaving me to do everything.

I don't think its a lot to ask to limit himself to 2 units and come home at a reasonable time for the last few days. I have drunk virtually nothing (only 6 units in total) throughout the whole pregnancy and have been here every night to care for our daughter. I am hoping this is some ind of midlife panic / crisis which will stop soon. I need to be able to rely on him. Nevermnd getting to hospital, I don't even want him there in the chair in a drunken snooze if he is going to behave like that.

Is anyone else's OH reacting like this to their impending arrival or have I just landed myself with a totally selfish idiot? He didn't do this last time round and I can't see why I am even having to ask him not to do these things. Surely, he should see the need and want to be home to help?

Sorry to rant, I have just completely had enough now and am hating being stuck down here in Surrey when all I want to do is be with people I can rely on and who love me but happen to be in Yorkshire. I love Leeds and am happy to drive for hours to get there but don't really want a baby on the M6 and none of them can come down due to jobs etc.


  • Hi

    Mine isn't much better. He never normally goes to the pub but in the last few weeks has been going twice a week and has also been drinking more at home. He stays out later than he says he will and I can't sleep until i know he's home ok.

    He's helping out less and less in the home and has decided to work 6 days a week for the last five weeks or so. I am nearly 33 weeks with a 14 month old and we are both ill so I am struggling. She's been up practically every night for the last ten nights and hubby thinks because he works he should be the one to get the sleep.

    He wanted a garage conversion so that he can have a 'playroom' to escape too when the next one comes (don't get me started on that). It took a week for the builders to do it and now three weeks later he still hasn't finished moving his stuff in. When he's off he has been hiding down there supposedly getting it sorted out but my BIL who tried to help him one weekend said all he does his scratch his a head a lot and get nothing done. He is not starting on the nursery until the garage is done so i am fretting about that.

    My family live an hour away and his live in london or Spain. His mum is the only family who lives local but she is always busy with work or golf stuff so i am not getting much help from anywhere else either and the last few days I have been crying with tiredness.

    I can understand where you're coming from and my friend had the same issue with her husband (he doesn't even drink and started regularly taking himself off to the pub).

    Mine was the same last time around but I was able to do more not having Emilia to look after. I was digging out flower beds and buidling flat pack furniture with him looking on.

    I am hoping mine bucks up soon as well but i think it is relatively common.
  • thanks. I'd like to think he's just being an osterich an sticking his head in the sand but I am really not at all sure. I guess time will tell. Hope yours improves too.
  • sounds to me like your fellas are getting nervous !! men hide away or drink alcohol to cover up nerves

    tbh my OH has had a drink on a saturday night over the last few weeks, in the house, but not getting pissed, but we've been through the mill a bit back and forth to hosp twice a week for monitoring, but i have to say he has coped remarkably well !!!

    we have a very open and honest relationship so he has been honest enough to tell me how nervous he is, and i know he is shi*ting himself !! but we are both first time parents .... is this your OH's case or are your kiddies his too? if he is a first time parent (altho you may have other kiddies in the household) he may just be nervous about being a dad for the first time and isnt sure how he will feel. my OH has already decided that he will cut the cord, but hes terribly squeamish, so we'll see, and if i end up havin a c-sec, hes asked if its ok, if he doesnt feel up to it, that i go in on my own, im not ok with this of course as i'll need him for support, but i know in my heart of hearts that he will be there for me as he loves me and his son unconditionally. but i do appreciate his honesty.

    just sit down with your OH and talk, its more than likely a case of him being nervous ... but get cracking with that nursery - its the best feeling ever when you see it finished!!

    good luck girlies !!
  • Hi
    Sorry to hear about your selfish OH. unfortunately it sound all to familiar. My OH started doing the same. every spare moment he had to be out getting drunk with the lads, he was obviously really scared about becoming a dad. unfortunately he wasn't the type to sit down and talk about his problems. He announced at 7 months pregnant that he had changed his mind and it wasn't what he wanted any more. bit late for that i would have thought. Just proves how selfish and cowardly some men are. especially considering the whole thing was his idea.
    My advice is sit him down and have that chat with him asap, when he's sober!
    I'm 38 weeks plus now. now that i've stoped crying and pulled myself together, i can see i'm better off without him. anyone that can do what he's done just isn't worth it , we'd been together for 4 yrs.
  • we're near redhill / reigate. I am still waiting for him to say something positive about this baby. I think I will be waiting a long long time.

    What is it men don't get about family being the most important thing in the world? He was selfish enough to ask our 4 yr old whether she wanted daddy to live somewhere else at the weekend. She keeps asking me about it now and is very upset. I am sure he did it for his ego only so he could hear her say she wants him to stay. He's been looking at places to rent on the internet too. I think he should be discussing it with me not our child. I've tried but he won't talk and doesn't know if he loves me and has no feelings for me or the baby. Nice, really nice and just what I want to hear right now.

    I have decided to heck with him and focus on the baby and my little girl. I have plans and contingency plans for her care when the baby arrives and if all else fails, I have taxi numbers. Let him go if he wants to. He can take care of himself. The children can't.
  • Hi Emily,

    Your dh sounds exactly like mine was.
    He turned into a monster throughout my pregnancy and unfortunately the only thing that changed him was to tell him to get out and then suddenly he changed. He also said he was going to move out and blah blah! just tell him to go and he will hopefully buck his ideas up, you already have your little girl and a baby on the way to look after you don't need him behaving like a child as well.
    I used to live in Earlswood nr redhill but now I live in Horsham image
    I hope things get sorted hun image
  • Its driving me crazy!

    Yesterday, home from work late again, no reason and no mention of moving out or not carrying on as normal. I've made it clear I can do this by myself and he should not stay for our daughter unless he also wants to be here with me and the baby and I get silence, complete silence. Save for "I think you'll find you can't manage on your own and if I leave you'll realise how much I do for you". I have been trying to think what it is he is referring to doing for me and have got a bit stuck!

    Ah well, 8 days left now so I suppose I have to work on the basis that he will be here and will be around at Christmas because there's naff all time left for him to sort anything else out, unless he has any more surprises I should know about.

    Feeling very odd today, not myself at all. Maybe today will be the day. Who knows
  • I am really sorry you are having such a hard time. I am sure it is because he is nervous and worried about the new arrival. i know that is the case with my hubby he worries about how I will cope and how it will affect our lives but his reaction is to try to hide away from it. I think he is panicking about things but that isn't much help to you at the moment. Try and stay strong.

    I hope everything sorts itself out in the next few days and he bucks his ideas up.

    I live in Crawley by the way (originally from Horsham).

    I finally cleared out the baby's room this weekend ready for decorating and put the decorations up despite having flu and a temp of 40. Put my back out and dealt with sick toddler who is also teething whilst hubby flopped on the sofa because obviously he was sicker than me.
  • I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I personally haven't been through anything like this but a friend of mine has.

    The same things happened as are happening to you, she got so sick of it that she ended up confronting him and asking him what his problem was, he said nothing he was just having some fun before it all ended and he became a dad.
    Another month of this went on when one night he went out and left his mobile at home, a text came through under the name of Paul but it certainly wasnt from a Paul it was from a girl, turns out he had been seeing a girl from his office for 5 months. She was so angry that she fell for him saying he was just having a little fun.

    Anyway she threw him out, and the day she went for her 39 week check up who was there but her husband and his new lady friend - yes you guessed it she was expecting too and he was standing by her.

    Hope it all works out for the best

  • double post, sorry

    [Modified by: annem1982 on December 17, 2008 01:12 PM]

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