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My sister is thinking about getting rid of the baby AGAIN!
in Baby
Hi, i really need to vent off somewhere, sorry but here goes
As you all know my sister is pregnant and was soo happy bout it etc. Last year she got pregnant and had an abortion quite late on and had a terrible experience, i felt alot of hate towards her for it cos i hate the fact she left it soo late! and that she got pregnant in first place if she didnt want it! I never let her know how much i hated her for it, cos i love her and wanted to be there for her, her guilt was far worse than my hatred! So any way, she has been using no contraception for months and talking babies etc and so has her boyfriend, so last week she got her bfp and was exstatic, but boyfriend went a bit quiet. he told his parents today and all day she has been here with me telling me she is gonna stand up for herself and there is no way anyone gonna talk her out of keeping it. Well i just rang her to see what has happened and his mum and dad have said, they dont have a house, they dont have any money bla bla bla and they would have to buy for it and its not fair on them etc... and now she is thinking bout getting rid!! I AM FUMING she is 19 and they live with his parents, but for god sake they knew what they were doing, if they werent sure then they should not have got pregnant and used something. This is a life she is growing and i cant bear the thought of her snuffing another one out for their irresponsibility's. I have no probs with yes she is young , live her life etc but maybe they should have thought about that before they decided to create this life! I love her sooo much and were extremely close but i just dont know how to be with her now or how to react to her. i just text her saying i love her and will support her either way, but i'm not sure i can do it again! And personally i feel this will destroy her cos i know she wants it, but she thinking bout what everyone else wants! i havent vented any of this too her cos she has got enough to think bout, but i soo dont want her to kill this baby! we all have different views on it and i agree everyones circumstances are different, but at end of day they knew what they were doing like they did last year, i just feel she has no respect for the life she is growing! I dont know what to do or say to her, i know she will be here tommoro in tears and i just dont know if i can bite my tongue.... PLEASE GIVE ME SOKME ADVICE`
[Modified by: sara1984 on 15 December 2008 20:24:43 ]
As you all know my sister is pregnant and was soo happy bout it etc. Last year she got pregnant and had an abortion quite late on and had a terrible experience, i felt alot of hate towards her for it cos i hate the fact she left it soo late! and that she got pregnant in first place if she didnt want it! I never let her know how much i hated her for it, cos i love her and wanted to be there for her, her guilt was far worse than my hatred! So any way, she has been using no contraception for months and talking babies etc and so has her boyfriend, so last week she got her bfp and was exstatic, but boyfriend went a bit quiet. he told his parents today and all day she has been here with me telling me she is gonna stand up for herself and there is no way anyone gonna talk her out of keeping it. Well i just rang her to see what has happened and his mum and dad have said, they dont have a house, they dont have any money bla bla bla and they would have to buy for it and its not fair on them etc... and now she is thinking bout getting rid!! I AM FUMING she is 19 and they live with his parents, but for god sake they knew what they were doing, if they werent sure then they should not have got pregnant and used something. This is a life she is growing and i cant bear the thought of her snuffing another one out for their irresponsibility's. I have no probs with yes she is young , live her life etc but maybe they should have thought about that before they decided to create this life! I love her sooo much and were extremely close but i just dont know how to be with her now or how to react to her. i just text her saying i love her and will support her either way, but i'm not sure i can do it again! And personally i feel this will destroy her cos i know she wants it, but she thinking bout what everyone else wants! i havent vented any of this too her cos she has got enough to think bout, but i soo dont want her to kill this baby! we all have different views on it and i agree everyones circumstances are different, but at end of day they knew what they were doing like they did last year, i just feel she has no respect for the life she is growing! I dont know what to do or say to her, i know she will be here tommoro in tears and i just dont know if i can bite my tongue.... PLEASE GIVE ME SOKME ADVICE`
[Modified by: sara1984 on 15 December 2008 20:24:43 ]
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Replies
Either way I think you'll have to support her as it's her choice but in your place I'd be angry too.
Hope things work out. xxx
I agree with Lea though. She must be able to get her own place via the council if she has no money and a baby on the way. If shes needing advice I've heard that the CAB - Citizens Advice are really useful and helpful.
I too hope things work out.
xxxx
x
[Modified by: garfield on December 15, 2008 08:51 PM]
I think you should give her some home truths and abit of tough love i'm affraid, they both clearly wanted a baby and the only reason they are questioning it is because they are young and are being influenced by his parents and i think you need to point this out and really make her think!
I know you are trying to support her, but i think she needs you for guidance and not just a shoulder to cry on! (hope you don't take offence by that!-none intended!!!)
Please don't let her make another mistake!
xxx
xxx
xx
I think if she does have another abortion, it may make you feel bad about her and it may ruin your relationship eventually, and you may regret not telling her how you feel! she may come to you in a year or 2 crying about what a mistake she has made and you would feel terrible that you didn't express your opinion, you don't have to be nasty about it, just explain that she found the first one hard and how does she think she would cope after a second, and that it is her baby and nobody elses and therefore her decision alone!
xx
If she is being told things by a family that aren't hers then her family should be telling her what they think too. Ultimately it is her choice & hers alone & that is what she needs to understand especially when she has already been through the trauma of what she has faced.
When I was 19 I had a mc, it was awful & I still think of my baby- in my head he was a boy & I know it's sounds mental but I named him Jamie & always talk to Ellie about him & stuff.....anyway at the time I thought my world had completely fallen apart stupidly my ex & I had been trying (he was 6 years older & wanted a baby i was young, naive & stupid) but I remember the shock of actually knowing I was pregnant. Never in my mind did it occur to me to have an abortion but in the end the baby wasn't to be. I know now why I wasn't able to continue with the pregnancy, my ex & I split up & he's getting married next year & I have Ellie but at the time it was the worst thing that could ever have happened.
With having Ellie & being a single parent it has been goddamn hard, emotionally, financially, mentally, everywhichway but do you know what I have got here. There are so many options opened to your sister that she doesn't even know about but she will never find out about them if she doesn't open her eyes.
I really hope that the decision she makes is made by her & for her because she's the one who'll be living with it for the rest of her life. Good luck xxx
I think you should talk to her about it as a couple of the others have said. If I were in your position I would go and have a quiet sit down with her, tell her how much I love her and will be there for her no matter what but that you feel it is important she takes a step back and thinks about exactly what she is doing and makes the right decision for her.
This isn't a matter of just changing your mind, an abortion is a huge thing and she needs to be 100% happy that it is the best option for her if she is to go down that route. If she had an abortion at 18/20 weeks last time I'm surprised she even considered trying for another until she was 100% happy that it was the right time for her. I can't even begin to imagine what a horrendous ordeal that was to go through. Did she get any counselling after that?
If she does keep the baby I'm sure you have baby stuff she can borrow to help out money wise, and if she really wants to keep the baby there is always a way through.
Her boyfriend really needs to grow up and support her on this, he was obviously part of the decision to get pregnant in the first place.
Good luck, I hope everything works out. x