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in need of support
hi, i just really need to get this off my chest. my god where to start. i'm 38 weeks pregnant ang going in for a c-section on riday. i've already got two kids but this will be the first section so feeling a bit nervous. more than anything because my usualy supportive partner seems to be very distant the last week or so. worried i won't have the support i need after.
also i just found out a couple of days ago that my nan is in hospital with not long to live, she has kidney failure. were not close far from it. my dad was 22 and my mum 14 when i was concieved. she always mantained my mum was evil for geting pregnant so young, i mean come on she was a child he was the adult. i didn't know them till i was 13 and i've never iven her the time of day because of all that happened between her and the people that i clase as being true family. i've never forgiven them. i guess i feel guilty that i don't feel more towards her. maybe i should have given her a chance to put things right but then isn't it her that should have regrets. i just don't know how to feel about it.
then i had a phone call today from a good friend with some really disturbing news, her now ex has been sexually abusing her two daughters for years and it's only now come out. it's just awfull. i feel terrible because i cried when she told me when i should be a rock for her and her girls. the girls used to stay my house sometimes and i elt close to them. i didn't know, how could i not have known. i wish they felt they could have told me. i mean if i feel like this then how does she feel. i can't even begin to imagin how i would be if it was my girls.
on top of that the one person you would think i could turn to seems to just not care how bad i'm feeling. we've been bickering and stuff for days. he never comes to bed same time as me anymore he stays up till about 4am playing world of warcraft. then stays in bed till dinner time. i tried saying how i feel and asked him to watch a film with me tonight i stayed up till 12 waiting for him to turn off the computer and eveytime i asked him to hurry up coz it was getting late i wold have him snear at me like a child and tell me to stop nagging. i shouldn't need to nag, he should want to spend some quality time with me, shouldn't he? i told himm again how bad i was feeling and that i'm coming close to just ending our relationship and just consentrating on me and the kids but i still went to bed alone and left him to have time with his game. when he finally did come to bed about 3am after we had yet another argument i was made to feel bad for crying and like i'm just being over dramatic abou the last weeks events.
then he makes out i'm wierd and over reacting for thinking there's summin strange with the fact he hasn't once made any attempt to make me feel better in ages and i just feel so low. i've told him not to come with me friday, i need someone who will support me not someone who will tell me not to make such a fuss. i've taken my engagment ring off and said i think i made a mistake with him. he just went sleep and i'm now writting this.
i know it will be made out that it's all in my head and i finished things so it's all my fault but i really feel i've been pushed to it. am i just being dramatic? is it all hormones? maybe i do expect to much. i don't know what do you think?
sorry i just really neaded someone to talk to
x
also i just found out a couple of days ago that my nan is in hospital with not long to live, she has kidney failure. were not close far from it. my dad was 22 and my mum 14 when i was concieved. she always mantained my mum was evil for geting pregnant so young, i mean come on she was a child he was the adult. i didn't know them till i was 13 and i've never iven her the time of day because of all that happened between her and the people that i clase as being true family. i've never forgiven them. i guess i feel guilty that i don't feel more towards her. maybe i should have given her a chance to put things right but then isn't it her that should have regrets. i just don't know how to feel about it.
then i had a phone call today from a good friend with some really disturbing news, her now ex has been sexually abusing her two daughters for years and it's only now come out. it's just awfull. i feel terrible because i cried when she told me when i should be a rock for her and her girls. the girls used to stay my house sometimes and i elt close to them. i didn't know, how could i not have known. i wish they felt they could have told me. i mean if i feel like this then how does she feel. i can't even begin to imagin how i would be if it was my girls.
on top of that the one person you would think i could turn to seems to just not care how bad i'm feeling. we've been bickering and stuff for days. he never comes to bed same time as me anymore he stays up till about 4am playing world of warcraft. then stays in bed till dinner time. i tried saying how i feel and asked him to watch a film with me tonight i stayed up till 12 waiting for him to turn off the computer and eveytime i asked him to hurry up coz it was getting late i wold have him snear at me like a child and tell me to stop nagging. i shouldn't need to nag, he should want to spend some quality time with me, shouldn't he? i told himm again how bad i was feeling and that i'm coming close to just ending our relationship and just consentrating on me and the kids but i still went to bed alone and left him to have time with his game. when he finally did come to bed about 3am after we had yet another argument i was made to feel bad for crying and like i'm just being over dramatic abou the last weeks events.
then he makes out i'm wierd and over reacting for thinking there's summin strange with the fact he hasn't once made any attempt to make me feel better in ages and i just feel so low. i've told him not to come with me friday, i need someone who will support me not someone who will tell me not to make such a fuss. i've taken my engagment ring off and said i think i made a mistake with him. he just went sleep and i'm now writting this.
i know it will be made out that it's all in my head and i finished things so it's all my fault but i really feel i've been pushed to it. am i just being dramatic? is it all hormones? maybe i do expect to much. i don't know what do you think?
sorry i just really neaded someone to talk to
x 0
Replies
The one thing that strikes me reading your post is the child like behaviour of these men. If it was one of your children behaving like that you wouldn't stand for it. And the corncern is as the children grow and see that is how daddy behaves they think that is the normal way to behave and treat people you love. They mimic their parents behaviour as your parents set the boundries of what is good and bad behaviour.
It is really impossible when people behave like this as you want to keep the family unit together but not at the expense of your happiness, or at the expense of your children having a good role model.
If possible I would either speak to or write down your concerns to your other half. Set boundries, say what you expect from them (you have to do this as other people don't always know what it is you want) and say what is not acceptable and why.
If he is an adult he should take this on board. Ask him what is important in his life. If he wants to behave like a batchelor, ie no-one to answer to but himself, do what he wants when he wants, then you have your answer. Relationships mean that sacrifies need to be made from both sides. They mean putting aside your own wants sometimes to accomodate the other person/people. You can then work out a fair division of how to spend time, allowing time for both.
I am a very tactile person and need a lot of cuddles, where as my husband isn't and rarely picks up on the fact that I need intimate time with him. Without it I feel rejected and neglected. One way we have tried to remidy this is I go to bed quite early, he comes and gives me a cuddle until I am asleep then he hets up and plays with his computer until whatever time he wants. I then get up at what ever time I need to, but I don't make a point of being quiet! If he is tired that's been his choice! It doesn't always work, I am cheesed off with him today as he has been distracted for the last 2 weekends and I have been feeling rejected. This is the 2nd Sunday we have woken up bickering as he has not been giving me TLC. I stupidly thought when I was pregnant he would feel more protective and cuddly, but he just doesn't work like that. I have said to him this morning he is gong to wake up one morning and realise he is alone as I am not going to be made to feel like this constantly and stick around. He will end up very lonely if you does all the taking with no giving. He isn't an aggressive person and doesn't sulk so I know I am lucky in that sense. But I have always been demanding ( :roll
There is no easy answer, but I think you need to read the riot act for your sake. If it doesn't work he will lose you ALL and he will be alone, and be able to what he wants as no one esle will be there. You deserve to be treated with respect and love and your children deserve a stable environment with a good role model.
Hope you manage to work it out. Let us know how you are doing. Sending you big hugs, as you don't deserve to be made to feel this way!
Lilou xx
thanks for listening feel better now ive had a good moan about it lol xxxxx