I thought i was strong

So, here is what is going on. Just a reminder, i was 4wk6days when i bled , it stopped immediately, scanned and told it is too early to see anything, 5wk1 day, i bled again significantly, had a scan, baby wa fine but there was a big hematoma in the uterus. I layed on my back for 2 weeks, had a scan 2 days ago (7wk+1) hematoma smaller, baby size great but no more heart beat. A missed miscarriage, so unexpected, all that time i was worrying about bleeding.
I still didnt bleed, so ironic that i bled when my baby was alive now that he is dead i dont, and i shall have my D&C on Thursday.
One of my friends just called me to tell me that she is pregnant and about to finish her first trimester, i am so happy for her and i wish her a healthy pregnancy, but i just couldnt stop crying. I just miss my baby and i wish he was alive, but my poor baby was through alot. I just dont know if i can ever get pregnant again, i have never been so sad. I am not jealous, it just reminded me that it could have been me. I agreed with my husband that we will not try again for a while, i am emotionally depleted and not ready for that kind of stress although i would die for a baby.