sensitive topic..reg abortion need advice ...UPDATE
in Baby
hi ladies and babies hope ure all ok .....
i need some advice from u but i dont want anyone having a go or argueing please
ok my best friend rang me this morning ..she is pregnant!! totally unplanned and unexpected and ..she doesnt want to keep it ...im totally totally against abortion unless there is a totally valid reason ..e.g rape!!...but she is dead set against having a baby and her oh is sticking by her...she is my best best friend so i have told her my opinion that i hate it BUT if that her desicion im with her 100% and will be there for her ....its so hard i dont want her (a)to go through an abortion i cant imagine it can be anything more than awful (b) to regret it in the long run ...but they have no money she only has a tempory contract at work and they really do scrape by ....she says she does not want to bring a baby into the world that has parents on benefits as its unfair...but there is more to life than money!!..am i wrong for sticking by her desicion ?should i be trying to talk her out of it ? i dont know how to react ,i tried to tell her that i think she would be a fab mummy and that ill help her all i can but she is set on her desicion ...its horrible to feel so dead set against something yet to care for someone so much u help them through it!
does anyone have any advice on how i should be ,please dont anyone have a go at me about it i know its a very sensitive subject but i cant tell ANYONE cos she isnt even telling her parents ..just me and her oh so u girls are my only people i can turn to
thanks in advance of any replies
lisa xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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ok so after we got off the phone last night her and her oh had a huge heart to heart and.....THERE KEEPING IT ..yipeee im so happy for them ...my only advice to her last night was to follow her heart not her head and she has ...its the totally right desicion she will be a fab mum ..thanks all so much for enabling me to give her the right words of advice
a very happy lisa xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
[Modified by: chuffedbaby2 on 23 February 2009 09:26:19 ]
i need some advice from u but i dont want anyone having a go or argueing please
ok my best friend rang me this morning ..she is pregnant!! totally unplanned and unexpected and ..she doesnt want to keep it ...im totally totally against abortion unless there is a totally valid reason ..e.g rape!!...but she is dead set against having a baby and her oh is sticking by her...she is my best best friend so i have told her my opinion that i hate it BUT if that her desicion im with her 100% and will be there for her ....its so hard i dont want her (a)to go through an abortion i cant imagine it can be anything more than awful (b) to regret it in the long run ...but they have no money she only has a tempory contract at work and they really do scrape by ....she says she does not want to bring a baby into the world that has parents on benefits as its unfair...but there is more to life than money!!..am i wrong for sticking by her desicion ?should i be trying to talk her out of it ? i dont know how to react ,i tried to tell her that i think she would be a fab mummy and that ill help her all i can but she is set on her desicion ...its horrible to feel so dead set against something yet to care for someone so much u help them through it!
does anyone have any advice on how i should be ,please dont anyone have a go at me about it i know its a very sensitive subject but i cant tell ANYONE cos she isnt even telling her parents ..just me and her oh so u girls are my only people i can turn to
thanks in advance of any replies
lisa xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
*******************************************************************************************
ok so after we got off the phone last night her and her oh had a huge heart to heart and.....THERE KEEPING IT ..yipeee im so happy for them ...my only advice to her last night was to follow her heart not her head and she has ...its the totally right desicion she will be a fab mum ..thanks all so much for enabling me to give her the right words of advice
a very happy lisa xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
[Modified by: chuffedbaby2 on 23 February 2009 09:26:19 ]
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Replies
its so hard
xx
back in jan she told me she thought she was and i went nuts at the prospect of her getting rid of it i should have made her poas then but she kept saying no its ok ill do it next week etc ..... jack was unplanned and unexpected but it didnt cross my mind to ever get rid of him ..we all make our own desicions but how can i tell her how much she might regret it ?!
also like u said about ttc after it could take a while ...her oh is 10 years older than her so he might not be able to u just never know ,and life has a habit of payback doesnt it!...
thanks again for replying hun xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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They do scan you but you don't actually get to see anything unless you specifically ask. Also while the abortion is taking place i don't think you can have anyone there. though i went on my own so not too sure about that one.
Best thing to probably do is be there to hold her hand, encourage her to make her own final decision about it and try and see it from every possible view you can think of so you can help her as much as possible. also there'll probably be at some point, her asking if she's done the right thing. I asked my friend this question and i think she was brilliant. She asked me what my heart of hearts told me, rather than saying yes or no and it made me feel so much better for it. And can't beat a good lot of cuddles afterwards And during and before! xxx
Just go through the pros and cons with her
Good luck hun
Lisa xxx
If at the end of the day she decides to go ahead then all you can do is be there for her, it will be hard for you but you can always vent on here.
xx
Anyway i supported her, she had made her decision, she only told me and her oh and i felt this was because she needed people she could lean on and people that wouldnt push her. It has to be the right choice for HER, not for you or even for her oh cos if she makes this decison to keep other people happy she will most def regret it.
I know my friend thinks about the baby she aborted, but i dont think she regrets it cos it was the right choice for her and her kids.
just make sure she thinks about how she will feel in future, when she gets prg again will she pine for this baby etc. but ultimatly just be there for her..thats why she told you about it in the first place.
you must be a good friend to her though if she knows your views and still felt she could talk to you about this!
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thanks again xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Good luck hun
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Good luck hun
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Good luck hun
xx
How did that happen? I only pressed submit once and I got 4 posts! The site's obviously gone crazy again
[Modified by: Bedhead on February 22, 2009 02:08 PM]
The fact that she is also giving her oh's daughter great consideration in all this is also good - one day she is going to make a great Mummy, but for her, now is not the right time.
I think all you can do is be there for her, whatever her final decision - but I also think it is really important that you don't try to imfluence the decision in any way.
I don't envy your position at all, and hope everything works out for the best.
xxx
xx
my best friend had an abortion and i was the only person (other than her now ex) that she told. she asked me how i came to the desicion to keep my baby and if i ever regreted it. i told her that there was no way i could live with myself if i had had an abortion but that it was her desicion. she said she didnt feel responsible enough to look after a child (fail contraception btw) and that she had not one bit of happiness about being pregnant.
she did go ahead with the abortion and says altho she doesnt regret it, she still thinks about when the baby would have been due or if it was a boy or girl ect.
i think at the end of the day, if she asks for your opion be thurthful but explain that its her descion and that you will be there for her. my friend cried for days on end after the abortion because of the pain and bleeding and as a friend you just have to be there, be strong for her and hold her hand xx
Many people think that money is not a reason to have or not have a baby and that it isn't important. However financial worries are very real and a totally valid point for many people. If that is her reason than that's fine. Extra financial pressure can cause relationship breakdown and even mental illness. I'm not saying this would happen to your friend but it would obviously cause her stress when she would like to enjoy her baby when feeling a little bit more secure.
I am lucky enough never to have had an accidental pregnancy but there are definitely times in my life where I wouldn't have hesitated. I teach teenagers about abortion and my advice to them is to think through all their options carefully but that neither decision is 'wrong'. I also point out that if they decide to have an abortion then the earlier in pregnancy the better as the methods involved get more invasive as time goes on.
I totally feel for your situation. I love my baby and can't imagine life without her and would find it hard to understand why someone else would choose to destroy their fetus (I'm not going to call it a baby at this point). However it is her decision and will be a very hard decision. She will need support and not judgement over the next few months and even years.
Good luck,
H xx
thanks mrs garfield ackles (u wish )ill chat to u on facebook if we got on the same time ,i always seem to miss u and rach on there :roll: ..please dont mention it on my wall etc as her family and her are on there (i know u wont i just have to say it )
the hard thing for me now is im going for lunch with her sis on thurs and have to not say a word ...i wont cos i promised but soooo hard as i think she needs them right now :roll:
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