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OH is leaving!
Hello
Well my husband has decided he has had enough of this life and is leaving! And to top it all he blaims me. Let me tell you what has been going on and see how it looks to you guys...
He works away for 2 months at a time then usually home for a month, but sometimes has to go back early. He left when lo was 3 weeks old and came back when he was 3 months. It has been the hardest year ever for me learning about a baby and bringing him up to a gorgeous healthy 1 year old now. I absolutely adore him and we have a very close bond. Everytime oh comes home it takes a week usually for lo to get used to him and oh has a problem with how clingy he is to me at these times.
He was back 2 days this week and then on the third day said we were finished because I make him feel like a spare part, he doesnt get a look in, doesnt bascially get the same attention he used to and well...the big thing is sex. He said we used to rip each others clothes off 24/7 and now if we dont have it for 1 day, he is in a huge sulk the next day and until we do it again! Bare in mind we still have it 6 days out of 7 but because it is not as adventurous as it once was and I dont have quite the same enthusiasm, well thats the end of the world and basically the demise of our marriage! The more I think about it and write it down, the more annoyed I am. I cant believe he is so selfish and is giving up his family for the sake of a bit of sex and attention on him! He cant handle the change and says I love lo too much and am too obsessed by him. He seems to forget we have had to get on with things alone and I have subconsciously perhaps made up for 2 parents...oh dear...crime of the century...surely its better that I have showered him with love in the absence of his daddy.
He has gone away for the weekend now to see a friend. I feel ok and this has made me see him for his true colours now. I also think hang on, I should be leaving you not this way round. I have never pressured him into giving up his work away and just got on with things as best I can. And this is the thanks I get! He also does very little with lo...I think when he gets in the door he should be wanting to do everything with lo but no. He thinks it is 'wierd' to bath his own baby may I add!
He also said I will be really nice and chatty with him and give him a cuddle then might not again for 4 hours! Can you believe he is counting?! Excuse me for looking after, feeding, changing etc lo.
I have made an effort by agreeing to go to a hotel for the night with him but that was supposed to be last night and well, we never even got there. I didnt want to as find it hard to leave lo, but still do when he is home as know some time is important. But nothing was enough and he cant take the change.
So thats it basically. I cant believe it really. I am so gutted that I had to find a guy who would end up like this ... I dont know whats going to happen from here but will keep you posted...
Thanks for reading x
Well my husband has decided he has had enough of this life and is leaving! And to top it all he blaims me. Let me tell you what has been going on and see how it looks to you guys...
He works away for 2 months at a time then usually home for a month, but sometimes has to go back early. He left when lo was 3 weeks old and came back when he was 3 months. It has been the hardest year ever for me learning about a baby and bringing him up to a gorgeous healthy 1 year old now. I absolutely adore him and we have a very close bond. Everytime oh comes home it takes a week usually for lo to get used to him and oh has a problem with how clingy he is to me at these times.
He was back 2 days this week and then on the third day said we were finished because I make him feel like a spare part, he doesnt get a look in, doesnt bascially get the same attention he used to and well...the big thing is sex. He said we used to rip each others clothes off 24/7 and now if we dont have it for 1 day, he is in a huge sulk the next day and until we do it again! Bare in mind we still have it 6 days out of 7 but because it is not as adventurous as it once was and I dont have quite the same enthusiasm, well thats the end of the world and basically the demise of our marriage! The more I think about it and write it down, the more annoyed I am. I cant believe he is so selfish and is giving up his family for the sake of a bit of sex and attention on him! He cant handle the change and says I love lo too much and am too obsessed by him. He seems to forget we have had to get on with things alone and I have subconsciously perhaps made up for 2 parents...oh dear...crime of the century...surely its better that I have showered him with love in the absence of his daddy.
He has gone away for the weekend now to see a friend. I feel ok and this has made me see him for his true colours now. I also think hang on, I should be leaving you not this way round. I have never pressured him into giving up his work away and just got on with things as best I can. And this is the thanks I get! He also does very little with lo...I think when he gets in the door he should be wanting to do everything with lo but no. He thinks it is 'wierd' to bath his own baby may I add!
He also said I will be really nice and chatty with him and give him a cuddle then might not again for 4 hours! Can you believe he is counting?! Excuse me for looking after, feeding, changing etc lo.
I have made an effort by agreeing to go to a hotel for the night with him but that was supposed to be last night and well, we never even got there. I didnt want to as find it hard to leave lo, but still do when he is home as know some time is important. But nothing was enough and he cant take the change.
So thats it basically. I cant believe it really. I am so gutted that I had to find a guy who would end up like this ... I dont know whats going to happen from here but will keep you posted...
Thanks for reading x
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Replies
He's treating like you a possesiion with the not having sex problem and holding you to ransom over it.
I do think you do need time alone with him to have a good talk and try to get to the bottom of things. Can a relative or good friend have your lo for a couple of hours?
Otherwise if he really isn't interested and you feel like you've had enough of his emotional blackmail then cut your losses and let him go if that's what he wants. He'll probably only come crawling back anyway!
hth? xx
xx
It sounds to me like you've done a brilliant job raising your lo practically alone, your a fantastic mum and its only natural your lo is clingy to you. My baby is 6 months old and he see's his dad every day for a few hours and still if he's tired its me he wants!
I dont really know what else to say except that this is his problem, not yours. You can obviously be a brilliant parent without his help so if he does decide to go its his loss!
xxx
Only advice is definitely don't agree to anything yet and definitely seek solicitor's advice asap. CAB are there to help and there are loads of organisations for lone parents.
Good luck xox
To me it sounds like your hubby has made up his mind, but is putting the blame onto you because he hasn't got the balls to admit that he hasn't bonded with his son. I may just be reading between the lines but it's possible that your hubby is upset by the fact he doesn't have that closeness with his son, perhaps he feels like he's failed him in some ways by not being there enough? This would be hard for anybody to admit. He could be using the sex issue as a bit of an excuse for underlying issues. as lack of sex is no reason to end a marriage, especially when there are children involved.
Perhaps your hubby deep down feels he should leave because he's not done a good enough job in areas like being a daddy? And he's picking faults with your relationship to make it easier for him to cut the ties?
I think a big long heart to heart is in order. though i'm sure you've probably done lots of talking. Perhaps your hubby should re-consider his line of work? I know thats a huge change no doubt, but it would give him the chance to re-build a relationship with your little boy?
I believe your OH probably loves you both very much but feels he's distance from you both has closed a few doors and built boundries. he may not be able to see that these can be broken with time, and if he gave himself chance to re-adjust he could do.
Blokes tend not to be so good at the mushy soppy stuff, so he may not want to show a vulnerable side of him by discussing his feelings properly with you.
I say keep up what your doing by not crawling to him, be there for him but don't allow him to put you down in anyway, give him oppertunity to talk but without pressure. I hope he can open up to you hun and that you can sort this out, i really feel for you. sorry i have rambled on a lot!
linzi XX
He wont give up his work for the moment I know that. And yes I think he does realise he has missed our enormously with his son. And perhaps he is blaiming all of that on me. But I still cant believe this is happening. He has been on the phone to the mortgage people today trying to find out what can be done! He has an appointment with a lawyer tomorrow although he said this is just for advice and will tell me all that is said. I will be going to CAB for sure. I am so upset that he has turned out this way., I thought we were together for ever. But he has turned out to be a jealous selfish pig.
Sorry to rant...good to get it all done though. Thanks x
You have done a fab job but im pleased to hear you are going to CAB. it might be worth you seeing a solicitor as well as i dont mean to be bleak but i dont think you can trust him anymore and you need to protect yours n lo's interest.
good luck
Best of luck
x
Hope things improve.
xxx
I have left him many times but always go back. I don't know why as he doesn't show me much affection. When I read what other women on here's husbands & partners are like I feel like crying, cos mine is so insensitive. If I'm upset about something or worried about Gabe he'll tell me to shut up and pull myself together.
I haven't got much advice, but I agree with Linzi, she pretty much said it all. *hugs*
xxx
Keep ur kool, n don giv in. Try to stay on top of it all, trust me he'll cum round n things will be in ur terms. (talking from experience)
Goodluck n we r here for you
i had a nasty split from my ex of 5 years, no kids involved tho, but i called his bluff, but id already made my mind up that id had enough, no nookie for over 2 years, he was stoned all the time, watched porn and played on his xbox from the moment he got home from work til 2 or 3am when he'd crawl in to bed. i contacted solicitors, started house hunting, took him through the mill for my 50% of the equity in the house and left. it really hit him hard, but i also think it teached him a lesson about looking after his future girlfriends/partners.
id speak to CAB, get a solicitor involved (or mediator as they are cheaper), and look as though you are sorting things out to go ahead and be on your own, it may shock him in to appreciating just how much of a fantastic wife he has (because god knows i would not be able to cope if my oh worked away!!) and maybe spur him into building a relationship with his son.
please please please make sure that he keeps contact with his son tho, even if you do go your separate ways, as so many kids are psychologically damaged these days through absent parents through no fault of the custodial parent....it breaks my heart to hear of parents who "dont want their kids" .... my sisters dad kicked us all out when she was 2 months old, shes now 13 and hasnt seen him in over 12 years.....its so sad.
good luck tho, i really hope you find the strength to deal with all of this, we're all here for you if you need to vent
xx