i'm really sorry
Hi Girls,
Sorry i've not been on in a long while, i've been soooo busy. I apologise if this turns into a long post.
I think i am cracking up and i am seriously starting to worry for my health. I kicked my oh out 4 month ago cos i don't love him no more. it was and still is the right decision,
Joshua is two and matthew is one. i have been told i have anxiety as i have panic attacks when i get stressed. but lately it seems a whole lot worse and i cant cope. i am constantly shouting at the boys, like really shouting, and its not their fault. n when joshua is naughty i get so anygry i could hurt him. i havent done but i really feel i could. so i end up screaming at him and then shutting him in his bedroom until he and myself calm down and stop crying. Matthew cries cos me and joshua cry and i end up losing my temper with him to, even though i know its my fault he's crying.
I hate getting up on a morning cos it all starts again. i have starting taking really strong painkillers on a night cos i like the way they make me feel, which i know is very wrong, cos i dont need them. they zone me out but keep me awake so i end up having only a few hours sleep and then i am so tired the next day. this is half the problem i guess.
i now hate college, when i loved it a few weeks ago. i dont want to go. this week i have sent the boys to nursery and just slept or been by myself. this is getting me no where cos i will fail and i really dont want to.
i feel uptight and stressed all the time, i feel twitchy and edgy. i hate it, i cant calm myself down
i have been to the doctors about this a couple weeks back and they gave me a self help book. wot a waste of time. i dont have time to read it for starters. it seems they dont take me seriously.
i dont know what i am expecting from this post, i just wanted to write it all down to try to make myself feel better, but it hasn't.
sorry if i've bored anyone
heather x
Sorry i've not been on in a long while, i've been soooo busy. I apologise if this turns into a long post.
I think i am cracking up and i am seriously starting to worry for my health. I kicked my oh out 4 month ago cos i don't love him no more. it was and still is the right decision,
Joshua is two and matthew is one. i have been told i have anxiety as i have panic attacks when i get stressed. but lately it seems a whole lot worse and i cant cope. i am constantly shouting at the boys, like really shouting, and its not their fault. n when joshua is naughty i get so anygry i could hurt him. i havent done but i really feel i could. so i end up screaming at him and then shutting him in his bedroom until he and myself calm down and stop crying. Matthew cries cos me and joshua cry and i end up losing my temper with him to, even though i know its my fault he's crying.
I hate getting up on a morning cos it all starts again. i have starting taking really strong painkillers on a night cos i like the way they make me feel, which i know is very wrong, cos i dont need them. they zone me out but keep me awake so i end up having only a few hours sleep and then i am so tired the next day. this is half the problem i guess.
i now hate college, when i loved it a few weeks ago. i dont want to go. this week i have sent the boys to nursery and just slept or been by myself. this is getting me no where cos i will fail and i really dont want to.
i feel uptight and stressed all the time, i feel twitchy and edgy. i hate it, i cant calm myself down
i have been to the doctors about this a couple weeks back and they gave me a self help book. wot a waste of time. i dont have time to read it for starters. it seems they dont take me seriously.
i dont know what i am expecting from this post, i just wanted to write it all down to try to make myself feel better, but it hasn't.
sorry if i've bored anyone
heather x
0
Replies
xxx
Hugs x x x
Its what we are here for so please always feel free to talk to us. I think you should print this post out/take your laptop in and show your doc and or your hv. There are things out there that can help. Have you contacted single parent organisations such as gingerbread, they might be able to help.
xxDBxx
Please stop taking the strong painkillers if they aren't being used for proper purpose of the drug. I dont want to sound harsh when I say this, but they wont be doing you any good at all. Have you tried take herbal or normal sleeping tablets to help with sleep. Lack of sleep (if like me) can make you more ratty and concentrate on things less.
Definately agree with the other ladies advice about seeing your health visitor and GP. People find it hard to admit/dont want to take them, but antidepressants maybe the answer to help you get on top of things.
Also, like somebody suggested, do you have any friends/family who can look after your boys whilst you can have some me time and concentrate on your studies.
Hugs and hope things start looking up for you xxx
[Modified by: Joey08 on March 12, 2009 09:35 PM]
xxxx
You dont have to go through these feelings alone, and I say again Please go back to your GP, even if you end up being there in tears or shouting or having a panic attack. If thats what it takes to get the help you need then allow it to happen. If you need to take someone with you to the GP as when you are ill you can sometimes not take in and process all of what is said. Or vise versa its difficult to explain exactly how your feeling.
Hope you can get help soon
Beck
I hope you get the help you need xx
Thank you so mych for writing back. I feel aso ashamed of how i've let things get this far.
I cant get into the doctors until monday at 2.20 so i'll just plod on until then. the boys r with their dad on saturday night and sunday daytime so i'll get a nice break.
I know the pills are very wrong. they are tramadol. i took some again last night but i have given them to my mam today to look after cos i do actually need them sometimes. they dont even help me sleep, they stop me from sleeping.
there was something else i wanted to say but i cant remember now, if i do remember i'll come back on and write it down.
thanks again x