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Will he ever stop crying before sleep?

Everytime I put Riley into his cot for naps he starts crying. Bedtimes are usually a little better as sometimes he will just moan for a bit. I used to feed/rock/cuddle him to sleep but I wanted to get out of the habit so have just been leaving him to cry it out. He never cries for longer then 10mins before he's asleep, usually only about 5mins. This has been the same since I started it a few weeks ago now. Does/has anyone else's lo do/done this and when do they grow out of it and learn to settle themselves immediately? x


  • I am sorry to say this but i really do not agree with the letting him cry it out method. He is crying bcos he is trying to tell you something. Babies dont cry to annoy you, it is their way of communicating. 10 mins is a long time to cry. I know women do this routine to make their lives easier, but who said having a baby is easy. xx
  • Even if I held him he would still be crying, screaming, pulling my hair until he eventually settled and fell asleep on me. This would take a lot longer than 5mins. He always has to cry before he's settled and then is able to drift off to sleep. Even in the car he has a little cry before being able to get so sleep, especially if we stop moving.

    I know he's not crying to annoy me, he's crying because he can't settle himself to sleep.
    I don't think that 10mins is that long. Some people who do controlled crying let their babies cry for a lot longer than that.
  • emily stil wont nap in her cot so i put her in her swing during the day now. she has a good old moan for bout 5 mins then nods off. i think she likes the movement. do you have a swing or vibrating chair to try?
  • Hmmmmm, it's a toughy Kel. Ollie doesn't tend to cry but he laughs! He rarely gets himself to sleep without a feed/cuddle/patting his bum! The little girl I used to nanny for would always cry before sleep, I hated it as didn't want her to cry but she was actually worse if I tried to comfort her! So I do agree that some babies will cry before sleep, maybe Riley is one of them? As long as you don't leave him for a long time and you know he will stop, I wouldnt worry.
  • We have a swing and he did used to fall asleep in that when he was younger but he cries in that too now. He will sometimes fall asleep in the vibrating chair but my oh has to bounce it with his foot for about 10mins before he falls to sleep, and if he stops he wakes up! x
  • i think youve just got to carry on with what your doing then. maybe try leaving him in the swing cause at least it moves on its own. i put playhouse disney on as well so shes got something to keep her entertained.he's probably just protesting to being put down, emily still doesnt like it now but once she realises im not getting her out again she relaxes and goes to sleep. i know its hard to leave them crying but if they dont start to learn to settle themselves now its just gonna be harder in the long run. x
  • I am sorry that I have offended you but there are lots of other methods, where baby doesnt cry themselves to sleep (I know all babies will 'fight' sleep, but if you can limit the crying time to a few minutes - that wld be bliss for mummy and baby. Have you read 'The no cry sleep solution' or 'The no cry nap solution' books? They are brilliant!

    By what you have said - could you be missing the 'window' of when he is tired, so what is happening - he is over tired (hence the pulling yr hair etc).....have you spoken to your hv? They can be good at giving you solutions, as they will sit down with you and discuss exactly what is happening.

    I am sorry but I still think 10 mins is a long time.....have you ever had a good cry (I know I had baby blues in the first week) and just 5 mins of crying was very knackering..let alone 10 mins.
  • Kel - I completely symapthise. JJ is exactly the same. He cries before he falls asleep no matter where he is. I used to rock him to sleep, but I found that he was getting used to the routine of this so I decided to use the controlled crying method. As hard as it is to listen to your baby crying - it really does work. I normally give JJ a bottle, clean his bum and then play with him for a while. When I see that he's becoming tired I put him in his cot. He generally protests for anything between 10-15 minutes. I just give his back a rub or hair a stroke, normally put the dummy in and he settles himself. I see no harm in letting babies cry it out - obviously I would not do this to a newborn baby, or let a baby cry who is in visible distress - I think the key word to controlled crying is moderation.
  • My hv told me that some babies just need to cry before they sleep. Lily used to cry right before she went to sleep and I just left her to it. It is hard and it can be stressful but there is nothing wrong with letting him cry- as long as he is safe, clean nappy, not hungry etc etc but you know all that! It is definately a good way to get him to settle himself it took us until Lily was 9-10mths before she would properly settle herself now its easy- sometimes she has a moan or gets up and bangs in her cot- we leave her for a bit then go back and lie her down say night night and wave- she waves back and normally if she does this she only does this once before nodding off. It is something they grow out of but then they move on to other things like standing up and banging instead of crying its just attention! xxx
  • I don't agree with letting a baby cry it out indefinitely either, but 10 minutes is not indefinitely and I do agree that some babies need a bit of a cry to get off to sleep. It's almost like a reflex. I really don't think anyone has any right to tell you you're doing it wrong - I bet if there was a poll a VERY low percentage of peope would claim that their baby never cries before going to sleep.

    Lily (10 months) does sometimes go down awake and just go off to sleep without a murmer, but 90% of the time she cries for literally 30 secs - 2 mins before going off. It has been this way since she started getting into a routine (of her own making, not mine) at around 5 months.

    It's very obvious to me which cry means she's tired and settling herself, and which cry means "Mum, I need you" or "I am not ready for a nap now." Of course I wouldn't leave her to cry it out if it were the latter sort of cry - but bugger me if I'm going running to her if I know it's just what she does before she goes off. I imagine you have a similar sort of understanding about why he cries - so don't let anyone suggest your methods are cruel. You know your baby, none of us do.
  • I do think babies cry for a reason, but I also think that reason can be that thy're tired and annoyed that they're still awake - I know that's certainly true for my little boy!

    I'm sorry Mrs Kitty Boo but I disagree, I'd never leave a young baby to cry but as they got older it's important they learn to settle themselves, for their own benefit, not just to make the parents lives easier. And in relaity, 10 mintues isn't that long if Kel's baby is settling himself within that time

    Kel I'd really advise against going back to the swing, or he'll get used to needing to the motion to settle, if your lo is settling himself but needing a bit of a moan first, I think that's ok - as his mum, you know his different cries and nknow whether he's really distressed and needs you or not. If he's not getting into a state I'd probably carry on as you are, I know it's horrible listening to them cry, but it porbably won't last. The problem I had when I didn;t put my lo down awake was that when he woke in the night he couldn;t settle himself, he'd cry, then cry because he was overtired and cross he was awake, and we'd all be up for a couple of hours in the night trying to get him to sleep in his cot form 5-8 months! - we did eventually did pick up out down to get him to go to sleep himself - but since then (he's now 14 months) if he whinges when he goes down I'm afraid he has to whinge, it's for his benefit too as not being able to settle himself was upsetting him a lot more.

    Whovever said you might be missing his 'tired' window has a point, if he's getting overtired it might upset hima but, but if you think you've got it right (you're his mum), he might just be a baby who needs a little moan.

    Mine rarely cries when he goes down now, and if he does it's during the day when he's worried about missing something - so he might grow out of it, mine's been pretty god since about 10 months
  • Mrskittybo-I think it's very unfair of you to say that kel is leaving her lo to cry because it makes her life easier,my lo cries himself to sleep before every nap,for a good few doesn't matter where he is -being cuddled to sleep,in the car, his pram or cot-it's his way of settling to sleep. Such judgemental comments make mummys who are doing there absolute best feel like they're doing things wrongs.
  • Toby and I are a bit like PTB's response. I know Toby's cries now (he's 5 months) and I'm sure at 8/9 months, you know Riley's cries (he's that age right?)
    I know when Toby cries a cry that means he WILL settle himself if I leave him. So I leave him. Sure enough, he settles a short while later.
    I know when Toby cries a cry that means he is tired but is fighting sleep so needs me to help him out a little bit more, dummy, ssshing, patting etc. this works and off he goes to sleep.
    I know when Toby cries a cry that means he is very unhappy and neither of us are quite sure why! LOL
    I know when Toby cries a cry that means he's hungry, or has wind, or has a tummy ache.

    I also agree about not leaving a teeny weeny newborn to cry, but when they are older, my personal view is that they need to self settle. We will be trying to wean Toby off his dummy at 6 months.

    I am going on my own experience but my sister never left her kids to cry when they were older, and as such, they are reliant on her or their Daddy to help them get to sleep (staying with them, holding their hands, hands on tummies etc.). They are now 4 and 2 and they have NEVER slept through the night without getting into bed with their Mummy and Daddy.

    Don't get me wrong, it works for them, but I don't want that for me and Toby and my husband and that's our parenting decision.

    So sorry I have rambled on a bit, but I am getting to the point of saying Riley is your baby, you know him, and if he needs to cry it out a bit to sleep then let him do that.

    In respect of whether or not he'll grow out of it... T is too young for me to answer that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Sorry Kel, I've rambled and not been any help probably!!!

    Joo xxxxx
  • oooh I like what sunflower said in her first paragraph, Toby DEFINITLY cries when he is tired but won't sleep and that's annoyed or upset him, that is def. one reason why my Toby cries!!!

    Kel - sometimes when I try and settle Toby myself (cuddles etc.) that makes him worse too, he won't have it, he's like me, needs his space when he's trying to sleep. We're not "cuddly sleepers"!!!
  • I meant to say that too MummyJoo, picking my little boy up when he's over tired just makes him worse because he cant get comfy enough on me!
  • Ooooh, I can't help wiht this one but totally sympathise!!!

    Ava goes to sleep no probs, no crying at all at night time. Falls asleep after a story.

    Daytimes however are a nightmare!!!!!! She is now 5 months and is wise to all the tricks, she won't be rocked, ssshhh'd, held or anything as this makes her crying worse. She cries because she is tired but then won't stop, no matter what i do. I am a loss!!!

    She screams when i take her into the bedroom, and stops when i go out on the landing with her and then smiles, cries when i go back in bedroom, smiles back out on landing?!?! All the time this is while holding her so what else can we do!! Who woudl have thought they would know so much at that age!! All the time she is yawning and rubbing eyes so defo tired!!! I will be keeping an eye on this thread for any magic solutions!!!
  • hi i had this with my lo and then brought the no cry sleep solution basically there is a window, for my lo this always comes after 2hrs of being awake (he is 5.5months and if at exactly 2hrs i dont put him down, he will scream and scream and scream. However i having been making sure i dont miss this window and things have improved alot. Basically the window is going from tired to over tired. The best of it is even at the two hours he looks wide awake and wouldnt think he was tired but falls to sleeps so much easier than when i let it get to yawning and rubbing eyes. Its just too late!!!
  • I was NOT implying she was a bad mum - i was expressing i do not agree with letting any age child cry. Happy babycrazy knows what i mean..
  • Thanks for your replies.

    babycrazy1-I've read about this window from the Baby Whisperer and have yet to find it! He can be up about 10mins and be yawning so I tend not to go by yawns anymore. I generally put him to bed after 2hrs-2hrs30 of awake time or when he starts rubbing his eyes, so it's probably too late by then! I'll look out for the window a bit closer today.

    mel7-My lo sometimes starts crying as soon as we walk into his room, and then if we walk out he will stop, its like he know's whats coming now!

    Mummyjoo-Riley's 6 months btw lol. I've tried helping him settle himself but in the end it just makes things worse. He won't have a dummy, makes him cry even more if I try and put it in his mouth! I used to put the hairdryer on when he was tiny and that used to work very well, then I bought a white noise cd and put it on every time he went to sleep and the effect kind of wore off so I don't bother with it now!
    He won't even sleep in our bed without crying first!

    Sometimes it's like he can't get comfy as well because when he was going to sleep the other day after him crying for a few mins I saw he kept turning his head from side to side, so I went in, held his head and shussed a bit and then he smiled at me so I left the room and he went straight to sleep! So he doesn't literally cry himself to sleep either. It's like he has to cry, get comfy, then sleep.

    *Sunflower81*-He used to nap for 45mins then wake up as he didn't know how to re-settle himself. But since we've been doing this he sometimes gets through it and sleeps for 1hr30, so he is learning to re-settle himself.

    ILOVEMYGEEK2-I've also heard that some babies need to cry before going to sleep, so Riley probably is one of them.

  • Kel, My lo (20 months now) has always cried before he goes to sleep. Daytime naps and night time, its always the same. What varies is how long he cries for.

    He cries up to 10 minutes or so in the daytime because he feels he is missing out on something, and he wants to play with his mummy, or read his books, or watch In The Night Garden or have a drink, ro something which isn't have a nap, essentiall! But now that he's 20 months, when he does go to sleep, he sleeps for an hour, so he definitely needs the nap.

    At night time, its true that if he is over-tired, he cries for lobnger than when he is a little bit tired, but he still cries!

    I have tried absolutely everything to get him to go to sleep quietly. I've bought all the books (nlcuding those MrsKittyBoo mentioned), gone to sleep clinic for months and months, and still he cries. To reduce the cryng (but it doesn't eliminate it), I stay with him until he falls asleep, either rubbing his back or him holding my hand and playing with my hand and arm, encouraging him to lay down when he gets up all the time, no eye contact, soft voice only when necessary etc. I've done it all in the past - too many things to list. When he does go to sleep (and getting him to sleep at night doing this can take anything between 5 minutes and 25 minutes), he sleeps all night, which for him is about 10 1/2 to 11 hours.

    I think the constructive advice that you've been given on this thread is really good advice. But as you say, it may be that Riley does need to cry a little. My lo is so happy, loving, sweet and just a bubdle of gorgeousness, I honestly don't think he suffers from a little cry at all, and if I did, I could never let him do it.

    Good luck, and I think you sounds like a brilliant mummy by the way x
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