Will he ever stop crying before sleep?
Everytime I put Riley into his cot for naps he starts crying. Bedtimes are usually a little better as sometimes he will just moan for a bit. I used to feed/rock/cuddle him to sleep but I wanted to get out of the habit so have just been leaving him to cry it out. He never cries for longer then 10mins before he's asleep, usually only about 5mins. This has been the same since I started it a few weeks ago now. Does/has anyone else's lo do/done this and when do they grow out of it and learn to settle themselves immediately? x
I know he's not crying to annoy me, he's crying because he can't settle himself to sleep.
I don't think that 10mins is that long. Some people who do controlled crying let their babies cry for a lot longer than that.
By what you have said - could you be missing the 'window' of when he is tired, so what is happening - he is over tired (hence the pulling yr hair etc).....have you spoken to your hv? They can be good at giving you solutions, as they will sit down with you and discuss exactly what is happening.
I am sorry but I still think 10 mins is a long time.....have you ever had a good cry (I know I had baby blues in the first week) and just 5 mins of crying was very knackering..let alone 10 mins.
Lily (10 months) does sometimes go down awake and just go off to sleep without a murmer, but 90% of the time she cries for literally 30 secs - 2 mins before going off. It has been this way since she started getting into a routine (of her own making, not mine) at around 5 months.
It's very obvious to me which cry means she's tired and settling herself, and which cry means "Mum, I need you" or "I am not ready for a nap now." Of course I wouldn't leave her to cry it out if it were the latter sort of cry - but bugger me if I'm going running to her if I know it's just what she does before she goes off. I imagine you have a similar sort of understanding about why he cries - so don't let anyone suggest your methods are cruel. You know your baby, none of us do.
I'm sorry Mrs Kitty Boo but I disagree, I'd never leave a young baby to cry but as they got older it's important they learn to settle themselves, for their own benefit, not just to make the parents lives easier. And in relaity, 10 mintues isn't that long if Kel's baby is settling himself within that time
Kel I'd really advise against going back to the swing, or he'll get used to needing to the motion to settle, if your lo is settling himself but needing a bit of a moan first, I think that's ok - as his mum, you know his different cries and nknow whether he's really distressed and needs you or not. If he's not getting into a state I'd probably carry on as you are, I know it's horrible listening to them cry, but it porbably won't last. The problem I had when I didn;t put my lo down awake was that when he woke in the night he couldn;t settle himself, he'd cry, then cry because he was overtired and cross he was awake, and we'd all be up for a couple of hours in the night trying to get him to sleep in his cot form 5-8 months! - we did eventually did pick up out down to get him to go to sleep himself - but since then (he's now 14 months) if he whinges when he goes down I'm afraid he has to whinge, it's for his benefit too as not being able to settle himself was upsetting him a lot more.
Whovever said you might be missing his 'tired' window has a point, if he's getting overtired it might upset hima but, but if you think you've got it right (you're his mum), he might just be a baby who needs a little moan.
Mine rarely cries when he goes down now, and if he does it's during the day when he's worried about missing something - so he might grow out of it, mine's been pretty god since about 10 months
I know when Toby cries a cry that means he WILL settle himself if I leave him. So I leave him. Sure enough, he settles a short while later.
I know when Toby cries a cry that means he is tired but is fighting sleep so needs me to help him out a little bit more, dummy, ssshing, patting etc. this works and off he goes to sleep.
I know when Toby cries a cry that means he is very unhappy and neither of us are quite sure why! LOL
I know when Toby cries a cry that means he's hungry, or has wind, or has a tummy ache.
I also agree about not leaving a teeny weeny newborn to cry, but when they are older, my personal view is that they need to self settle. We will be trying to wean Toby off his dummy at 6 months.
I am going on my own experience but my sister never left her kids to cry when they were older, and as such, they are reliant on her or their Daddy to help them get to sleep (staying with them, holding their hands, hands on tummies etc.). They are now 4 and 2 and they have NEVER slept through the night without getting into bed with their Mummy and Daddy.
Don't get me wrong, it works for them, but I don't want that for me and Toby and my husband and that's our parenting decision.
So sorry I have rambled on a bit, but I am getting to the point of saying Riley is your baby, you know him, and if he needs to cry it out a bit to sleep then let him do that.
In respect of whether or not he'll grow out of it... T is too young for me to answer that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry Kel, I've rambled and not been any help probably!!!
Kel - sometimes when I try and settle Toby myself (cuddles etc.) that makes him worse too, he won't have it, he's like me, needs his space when he's trying to sleep. We're not "cuddly sleepers"!!!
Ava goes to sleep no probs, no crying at all at night time. Falls asleep after a story.
Daytimes however are a nightmare!!!!!! She is now 5 months and is wise to all the tricks, she won't be rocked, ssshhh'd, held or anything as this makes her crying worse. She cries because she is tired but then won't stop, no matter what i do. I am a loss!!!
She screams when i take her into the bedroom, and stops when i go out on the landing with her and then smiles, cries when i go back in bedroom, smiles back out on landing?!?! All the time this is while holding her so what else can we do!! Who woudl have thought they would know so much at that age!! All the time she is yawning and rubbing eyes so defo tired!!! I will be keeping an eye on this thread for any magic solutions!!!
babycrazy1-I've read about this window from the Baby Whisperer and have yet to find it! He can be up about 10mins and be yawning so I tend not to go by yawns anymore. I generally put him to bed after 2hrs-2hrs30 of awake time or when he starts rubbing his eyes, so it's probably too late by then! I'll look out for the window a bit closer today.
mel7-My lo sometimes starts crying as soon as we walk into his room, and then if we walk out he will stop, its like he know's whats coming now!
Mummyjoo-Riley's 6 months btw lol. I've tried helping him settle himself but in the end it just makes things worse. He won't have a dummy, makes him cry even more if I try and put it in his mouth! I used to put the hairdryer on when he was tiny and that used to work very well, then I bought a white noise cd and put it on every time he went to sleep and the effect kind of wore off so I don't bother with it now!
He won't even sleep in our bed without crying first!
Sometimes it's like he can't get comfy as well because when he was going to sleep the other day after him crying for a few mins I saw he kept turning his head from side to side, so I went in, held his head and shussed a bit and then he smiled at me so I left the room and he went straight to sleep! So he doesn't literally cry himself to sleep either. It's like he has to cry, get comfy, then sleep.
*Sunflower81*-He used to nap for 45mins then wake up as he didn't know how to re-settle himself. But since we've been doing this he sometimes gets through it and sleeps for 1hr30, so he is learning to re-settle himself.
ILOVEMYGEEK2-I've also heard that some babies need to cry before going to sleep, so Riley probably is one of them.
He cries up to 10 minutes or so in the daytime because he feels he is missing out on something, and he wants to play with his mummy, or read his books, or watch In The Night Garden or have a drink, ro something which isn't have a nap, essentiall! But now that he's 20 months, when he does go to sleep, he sleeps for an hour, so he definitely needs the nap.
At night time, its true that if he is over-tired, he cries for lobnger than when he is a little bit tired, but he still cries!
I have tried absolutely everything to get him to go to sleep quietly. I've bought all the books (nlcuding those MrsKittyBoo mentioned), gone to sleep clinic for months and months, and still he cries. To reduce the cryng (but it doesn't eliminate it), I stay with him until he falls asleep, either rubbing his back or him holding my hand and playing with my hand and arm, encouraging him to lay down when he gets up all the time, no eye contact, soft voice only when necessary etc. I've done it all in the past - too many things to list. When he does go to sleep (and getting him to sleep at night doing this can take anything between 5 minutes and 25 minutes), he sleeps all night, which for him is about 10 1/2 to 11 hours.
I think the constructive advice that you've been given on this thread is really good advice. But as you say, it may be that Riley does need to cry a little. My lo is so happy, loving, sweet and just a bubdle of gorgeousness, I honestly don't think he suffers from a little cry at all, and if I did, I could never let him do it.
Good luck, and I think you sounds like a brilliant mummy by the way x