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Help with dealing with pregnant colleague
Hi girls
Just wanted a bit of advice really.
A colleague of mine is in the early stages of pregnancy. Since she told us at work she has constantly been moaning at how tired she is, how sick she has been and how she needs to go home. Now I think because i'm pregnant i'm actually less tolerant, does that make sense?
I got to 12 weeks without anybody at work noticing I was running off 3 times a day to puke, had to write millions of lists as was so forgetful but managed to hold it together. Now i'm not saying she is putting it on but has anyone found it harder to deal with? I know I sound like an unsympathetic person but I'm not, it's just for the last year she has cried wolf so many times, you name it she has had it, been off sick more times in a year than I have in 3 and I just feel like she is milking it for all it's worth.
It has been noticed by HR as they know I was quite poorly with my pregnancy to start with but even now at 30 weeks im still pretty much doing full time hours or at least getting cover where I can and not just using it as an excuse to sneak off. She's giving us pregnant ladies a bad name and people have started commenting at how all of a sudden she feels like she has leeway to have time off which is unfair. I have struggled most months here but have only taken time off when needed and she is really learning how to play the game.
I thought I would be more tolerant as I have been there and obviously still going through it but actually, i'm the opposite!
Has anyone else been in this situation?
Thanks
Em
30+4
xxx
Just wanted a bit of advice really.
A colleague of mine is in the early stages of pregnancy. Since she told us at work she has constantly been moaning at how tired she is, how sick she has been and how she needs to go home. Now I think because i'm pregnant i'm actually less tolerant, does that make sense?
I got to 12 weeks without anybody at work noticing I was running off 3 times a day to puke, had to write millions of lists as was so forgetful but managed to hold it together. Now i'm not saying she is putting it on but has anyone found it harder to deal with? I know I sound like an unsympathetic person but I'm not, it's just for the last year she has cried wolf so many times, you name it she has had it, been off sick more times in a year than I have in 3 and I just feel like she is milking it for all it's worth.
It has been noticed by HR as they know I was quite poorly with my pregnancy to start with but even now at 30 weeks im still pretty much doing full time hours or at least getting cover where I can and not just using it as an excuse to sneak off. She's giving us pregnant ladies a bad name and people have started commenting at how all of a sudden she feels like she has leeway to have time off which is unfair. I have struggled most months here but have only taken time off when needed and she is really learning how to play the game.
I thought I would be more tolerant as I have been there and obviously still going through it but actually, i'm the opposite!
Has anyone else been in this situation?
Thanks
Em
30+4
xxx
0
Replies
I've been in the shoes of this girl (well kind of)
I hardly ever have time off sick but when I do I get the impression that colleagues are thinking that I'm "swinging it" because I'm pregnant
Now I tend to drag myself into work & leave it up to my boss to send me home if he sees fit
It's only happened a couple of times but I feel guilty
Sorry not much help am i lol xx
I didn't tell her I was pregnant until after the 12 week scan (whereas she told the world immediately on her BFP - presumably so she'd get all the sympathy and loads of time off work), so I really really had to bite my tongue every time she canceled a social engagement because "it's just so exhausting being pregnant, you know.....". Yes, I *know*, but I"m not about to start letting my friends down now, it'll be hard enough to keep up once baby gets here!
It drives you crazy when women do this, because it just gives all of us such a bad name. I think the best we can do is harden our hearts a little, and just be glad that our own children will become much nicer, more rounded people as a result of having decent parents teaching them some values in life, rather than parents who teach them to milk the system for all its worth.....!!
Chin up, chick, when you have your own baby in your arms, all these (admittedly INCREDIBLY annoying) nuances will be nothing but a foggy memory from "Life before baby"....!!
xx
See you don't strike me as being in her shoes, more mine. I have so little time off that the odd 2 or 3 days off I have had in my whole pregnant I either know my boss knows i'm definately ill or just don't care as they can't tell me I have had too much time off. With her it's all the time. She has actually just been in to tell me that she keeps being sick in the toilet but she doesn't want anybody at site knowing she 's pregnant yet. Well I sit opposite her and can see she has hardly left her desk all day apart from to eat chocolate biscuits and make tea? I couldn't stomach anything, I nearly asked if she thought perhaps the biscuits werent helping?
KPepper - it's so tough isn't it, your right about harden hearts. I wish I was a bit tougher. I have had days when I really really don't want to go to work or to family events but have dragged myself if only for a few hours to show face. I never understand why people would want to milk the system. I posted last week about gettign signed off work as work was just too stressful but couldn't bear it so have decied to start my mat leave early so it actually only affects me and baby and nobody else as I can't stand people thinking that i'm doing it because i'm pregnant.
Oh I can't wait to have foggy life before baby memories of work!
xxxx
I kind of understand how you feel if she is laying it on thick!
However, every pregnancy is different! Some people have severe tiredness and sickness and it really is hard to get through a day at work. My friend had to be signed off as her sickness was so bad. And although I'm at work most of the time, I had to have time off last week because of severe migraine and I felt paranoid that everyone would think that I'm taking advantage! Some people sail through pregnancies and some really struggle. We're probably lucky that we're not suffering too much!
I do totally agree with you and I do feel extremely lucky that I have managed to function throughout my pregnancy. Even when I ended up at FEtal assessmetn one day, as soon as I got the all clear I was back to work. After my antenatal checks with teh mw I go back to work but she has to have the whole afternoon off from the last 2 she has had even though her appts are at lunchtime and she lives 10 mins from the office. I'm not saying I haven't had bad days at work but normally I am spending my weekends recouperating so I don't take time off where she spent Monday telling me all about her trips out with friends and shopping for baby stuff for the whole day on Sunday etc etc but now has decided she can't do a full day at work. I'm still of the mindset that if I don't go to work, I dont' go out that evening as my mum used to tell me with school he he!
Honestly hon, i'm trying to be sympathetic as I know some people have it a lot worse than me but it's heartwrenching to have to struggle into the office everyday while she wanders around mothercare in her lunchbreak then complains her feet hurt!
xxxx
But it has been noted how I've gone in throughout it all and my boss has even mentioned about how I've managed to go into work despite being sick etc and a lot of people don't even know I'm pregnant yet (don't have an obvious bump). Hopefully other colleagues will realise the effort you've put in to carry on with your level of work throughout when they see how little this other girl is doing.
I agree I also have less tolerance as I think, well if If I can do it you can too.
TBH I couldn't afford to be off everytime I felt a bit tired or rough as we don't get sick pay lol
xxxx
Sorry if this offends anyone, I was sick every day for from 7-18 weeks, and I know people have it worse than that, I'd never judge anyone without knowing their situation - but I do know this person's situation and personality!
Sunflower - thank you for sharing that. Thats exactly what I hate, thinking you can get away with it because your pregnant, its like a get out of jail free card! As you say, I too wouldn't judge someone if they told me they were sick all the time then thats fine. But I can see she isn't running to the loo every 5 mins and it's not like this is a rarity for her!
I just hate people that play on it. She has even started parking in the visitors spaces and claiming she can't walk far as our car park is about a 4 min walk away and visitors is outside reception. Even security said, how am I managing ok albeit slowly parking with everybody else but she has leeway? I wouldnt' dare ask for a car park space closer unless I was in pain but i'm just mega tired and carrying a huge lump. I really don't want people to talk behind my back saying how I used pregnancy to get what I wanted at work like a closer car park space as it's been the talk of a site for a few weeks since they moved our spaces but hey life goes on. Apparently for her it doesn't!
After her winging at lunch about how rough she feels I just said she wants to wait till she hits 30 weeks and can't sleep without 5 trips to the loo, then tell me your tired!!! Makes me wonder how she will ever cope with a newborn!!!
xxx
I didn't really have the option of milking it, sadly, it just wan't tolerated in my (old school boys-network 95% male) work environment. When I found that my appointments would always be on a certain morning, that day immediately became the one day a week I was required to work a late, so I'd have a morning at the hospital, then have to go into work at lunchtime and work till 8pm. Ta for that!
xx
basically after all that rambling my point is i have sympathy for people who really are struggling but still make an effort, but i really don't for those who just take the p***!
Thank you for understanding, I didn't want to offend so glad I didn't. It would anger me more in your shoes I think as I have been well enough to come to work albeit feel like crap but who said pregnancy was easy! I just want to shake her and scream it's a miracle your having a baby so get on with it. Stop trying to make the world feel sorry for you. I would actually have more sympathy if she tried to get on with her day, I would end up sending her home but when she tries it on every single day, I now refuse point blank to send her home if she complains she's ill. I'm now waiting for her to tell me to then record it with HR. I know there is nothing we can do as she is pregnant but it's people like her that make people like us look like free loaders! xxx
K 14+3
Guess the point of my essay is to say I totaly sympathise with what you are feeling! And although I know people have hugely different experiences of pregnancy, I think the way you deal with it depends a lot on the osrt of person you are, I don't deny that with some things you need time off, but the person you work with sounds like she's really milking it rather than having a genuine reason! Rosie 17+6 xx
First am going to say that I no some ppl r really ill when preg and can't work and so on but my SIL has been t total pain in the bum since she got preg!!
I was around 18weeks preg when she found out from the min she told me am oh (they r twins by the way but don't really get on!) She acted like only person ever to b preg!I must say until last few weeks av had easy preg but that dis not mean I never went through all the tiredness sore boobs cramps hartburn ect but I never moaned about anything or took any days offf work (still haven't) as we tryed so long to get preg I was happy will all these new strange thing happing!!but from start she was sooo tired sick sore could not get out of bed never went to work for months!!!everytime I said yes I no I felts like tis or that she will say no u had easy time u don't have a clue how I feel!daft witch I do but I just never moaned about it!even my oh n family r saying she is just at it its all about her her her she hates that am preg and getting a little of her familys time!her dad even said to her I am a natural and she is going to b nightmear mum!don't really no what he meant but it was not every nice what he said!
Sorry for rambling it prob don't make much sence as am rushing to rit it at work!but just to say ano how annoying it can b when someone just takes the mince out of it u should b enjoying the time not moaning 24\7 from the start!
O 1 more thing we wir at party on sat nit and she did not get there till 9ish then said she was leaving about 10ish coz she was tired n noone would understand but I was quick to say will am 32 weeks preg really tired with aneamia worked till ten all week n al last another hour just say and the look she gave me could kill!! Lol so funny but hay each to there own!!
Heidi 32+6 xx