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Just wanted a bit of advice about my Mother in law, she has just brought her eldest Grandaughter a ds lite for her birthday worth £109, she has this thing about treating all her grandchildren the same and spending the same amount of money on each! I don't want her spending that much on my daughters birthday for one i don't want my daughter to end up spoilt and two its up to us to get her the main presents. My partner has had a word with her and she went of on one, do you think i am being unresonable!



  • Hi Simone,
    Thats a hard one. I dont think you are being unreasonable, but she obviously really wants to do this for them. maybe try to come to some sort of compromise. When our parents ask what the girls want, we try to give them a list of things they need, so if you gave hem a list, maybe put the less expensive things on there. ie, this Christams, we've said the girls have enough toys, so my Niamh is getting a duvet set from my mother in law. She'll probably get a few little things aswell, but its nice for the family to feel like they are getting useful things. We've found lists work really well, as nobody gets offended then.
    Hope this helps a little bit.
    Kas xx
  • Hi Simone,
    I dont think you're being unreasonable because you are the parents and no matter what the issue is , other family members should appreciate your decision.
    I've had issues with my mum.
    Getting her to see my point of view is sometimes like fighting a loosing battle.
    Stick to your guns if its what you want, but dont let it spoil christmas or cause a rift with you and your husband.

    Another option is to ask her to put the money she would have spent on Jessica into a bank account for her for when she's older.
  • Hi simone,

    I think Lucyanne is onto a winner, asking for a donation into her child trust fund is a great way for Jessica to benefit in the future

    Love jd_mummy xx
  • Hi,

    My mum's the same she always asks me if she can get them something, i'll say no and give a reason and she'll buy it anyway. Luckily my in laws listen to me and they like to spend the same amount of money on both. I give them a list of suitable gifts and always put money for building society account as an option. I'm glad one side of the family listens to me.

    Zoe x
  • Hi simone
    My in laws have been desperate to have grandchildren for years and now they've got them
    ( mine are their only ones) they're determined to spoil them. They hate being given suggestions or ideas and only get what they want but i have to say i've found it easier to let them get on with it. They always check what we're getting and never get anything similar so i'm not worried. I do understand what you mean about parents getting the main presents but i personally loved doing Ethans stocking last year and think i'd have been more offended if they'd done something like that.

    I also agree with lucyanne, my mum in law opened a trust fund for Ambers christening and like your mum in law said she has to treat them the same so Ethan got one too! It's one that has to have money paid in monthly so she said they'll get smaller presents at Christmas - problem solved!!
  • Hi,
    I think i might ask them to put some money in her savings account instead. The problem with them spending that much also, is i think my mum will feel bad as she is on her own and can't afford as much as they can!
  • i can see your point of veiw and i can see her's tbh. at the end of the day she wants to do something nice for your daughter and see her face light up when she gets her present. i personally would just let her do it, at the end of the day it's for a reason, it's not as if she's getting all the time so i can't see that spoiling her.
  • The problem is she does! mother in law seems to only be able to show love with money. If i let her spend £109 on presents it will be to much. I wouldn't mind if it was a couple of presants, but last chritmas she got her other grandchildren about 20 presants each and they were not all small ones.
  • Ohh this is tough i can see what you mean about your mum i have that problem too but to be honest i think i agree with kristy.
  • Hiya Simone
    My dad spoils Cameron rotten and puts money in his piggy bank on a weekly basis (usually £10). I've tried to tell him that it's too much, but he won't listen so now i just let him get on with it. I don't think i would be very happy though if he wanted to spend that much on a present, but it is tricky because you obviously don't want to upset her!!
  • i would love that. but then again we struggle alot and i can't get my kids what i would love to get them. if someone else was going to buy them i would just say "yeh go on, drop them off here on xmas eve and they can get them in the morning" kids arn't going to know who it's from are they lol
    i know thats bad.
    look i would just enjoy the fact she wants to buy for her, takes the pressure of you a bit. and it's only xmas and birthdays??
    my mam always say's what are nannas for.
  • I don't want to hurt her, i think she will be ok with putting money in her account, we really don't have alot of room for loads of toys, so at least then when Jessica is older she can put it towards something she really wants.
  • simone is there anything you need for her, just seen shes still quite young. maybe a cot or junior bed? new buggy that sort of thing?
  • Hi,
    Unfortunatly don't need anything like a pushchair or car seat have already got it all! I don't think its so much the amount of money she is spending, if its somethink she really wants to get Jess. I just don't want her turning up with hundreds of presants.
  • That's a really good idea Boo, i might do that for Cameron this year. At least then if people ask you've got ideas to hand instead of having to quickly think of something.
  • Hi Boo.
    Thanks for that, will start a list tomorrow. I must sound so ungrateful, its just i see my neice and nephew at christmas with loads of presents and they take it for granted. I want Jessica to value things.

    Simone x
  • Making a list is great.
    At least that way, they are getting things they need, or you know they'll enjoy. I agree with you Simone, I want my girls to value things.
    Kas xx
  • I have asked her to get one of those wooden push along things that have the wooden blocks! they are really hard to find.
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