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Wish I had a crystal ball

My problem is that I hate all this uncertainty and waiting. I'm hate not knowing what is going to happen in the future, so I hate things like applying for jobs or looking for houses. I think it's because I need to feel like I have control over my life.

Well I feel totally out of control with this ttc lark. I spent today desperately searching the internet looking for ways to prevent a second mc (sorry girls, I had no luck!), and counting and double counting the days until my next ov (when we will start ttc again). I get obsessional at the best of times (see above comment about job/house hunting) and now this is also turning into an obsession for me - and not in a good way.

I am still switching from being desperate to try again, to not wanting to cos I've convinced myself I will never be able to carry a child to full term. It's a horrible emotional roller coaster and I want to get off!

I just wish that I had a crystal ball so I could look into my future and know one way or another whether I will become a mum or not. It's the not knowing that is really killing me.

Does anyone else feel like this?


  • Yes, yes and yes again! On all fronts I'm afraid. We are house hunting at the moment, although ours is not on the market yet I have seen a couple I love and been completely obsessed with them even though we won't be officially in a position to do anything about it until Jan!

    TTC is horrible in some ways as there is truly no way to control it, I have found the best way for me to deal with it is to accept that I am obsessed and do what makes me feel better i;e ov sticks, CBFM, charting or early testing. That way I feel as though I am doing all I can and can relax a little. Its a bit up and down but for the most part I can deal with my ttc anxiety in the morning by using one or some of these methods and then get on with my day.

    Sorry M&S, I know that my post doesn't help with how you feel but you are not alone in feeling this way - I guess it goes with the territory.

    Always remember though, in a few years time this will be a dim and distant memory, you will be so busy deciding what school to send mini moon to and worrying that mini stars is hiding sweets in her bed that you will feel obsessed all over again but for a different reason. We will all get there and it will be very worth it. Chin up lovely girl.

  • Thanks Lottie it's nice to know I'm not alone!

    I absolutely HATED house hunting - everything we saw seemed rubbish and I thought we would be renting forever in the Land Police Forgot, then when we found our house there were 2 other offers on the table and we ended up paying 2 grand for their lampshades to make sure we got it. The lampshades were from Argos.

    I think the only other time I have felt this out of control was when I dropped out of uni after everyone I met at Freshers Week was on crack/ecstasy (I kid you not). I felt like I had no future and my life was over at 19. I keep reminding myself that that time it all worked out in the end - I went to a different uni the year after and met my lovely hubby the first term - so it will work out this time. But I am just so impatient and HATE WAITING!

    Thanks again for your post - it really does help to know I'm not the only one!

  • I agree too!!!! If you find a crystal ball i will pay u a lot or money to borrow it!!! Not much else i can say really but ur not alone! xx
  • I am the same. Our friends are getting married in 12-18 months and the 1st thing I thought was "will we have a baby by then!". I just want to know I can get pregnant in the right place and then carry it all the way. I am trying to predict when I'll be ov'ing in January!

    x x x
  • God i wish i had one too! I am the most impatient person in the world, i think that the nearest marker is xmas and i keep thinking i should have had a huge bump by then and i am just desperate to be pg by xmas. Also at the mo, i am on CD33 (usually 29-30 days long) had BFN yesterday and i just hate being in this limbo, just waiting for one or the other at the moment.

    Jodie xx
  • I hope you all feel better soon. I think I have just got to a stage were I just dont think about it anymore!! I hate being obsessed with ttc & putting everything on hold so the break is doing good. Dont get me wrong we want more than anything to have a baby together but all that we have been through this last year & of course I think about things & what would've been I just cant allow myself to not be positive anymore with all the tests & results coming up need to keep telling myself we will get there in the end or wouldnt be able to cope with the thought of it not ever happening. If someone had a crystal ball I would just like it tell me that it will happen dont need to know when or anything else just that we would carry to full term & be parents. xxx
  • Ditto that Laujai, i was once told by accora that i will have 2 children, 1 boy and 1 girl but i'm not sure i'm convinced at his 'powers' ?? xx
  • Is that Derek Accora Rocky???????

    Well once again you lovely ladies have made me feel much better, simply by being yourselves! It is so nice to know that other people feel the same way as I do, and that I'm not some fruit loop!

    I still wish I had that crystal ball though. I feel like my life is on hold right now and I just want to feel like there is some light at the end of the tunnel. I've been doing supply teaching since September cos I thought it would be easier while I was pg, but now I'm not pg and supply feels so lonely. So I've started thinking that maybe I should get a full time post again, but hubby is so certain that we will fall pg the SECOND we start ttc again, so he says I shouldn't bother cos if I got a job and then had to go on maternity leave a few months later that I would p*ss of the Headteacher, and my name would be mud. But I feel like, what if it takes months/years to conceive? It is just so hard to know what to do for the best. GRRRRRR..............
  • Er... yeah i think he's called Derek... any reason???? xx
  • No reason, except that he's a bit famous! How did you end up speaking to him then? Isn't he constantly lost in some haunted castle somewhere? image
  • ha ha probably but down in Penzance we have a festival each year with the fair and parades and stalls etc and he comes down every year. my friend had been a couple of times and last year she persuaded me to go, not sure how much i believe it but may go again next year just to see what he says! xx
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