2nd AF after miscarriage - gutted

Snooks · Dec 14, 2009 5:00PM

I had an early natural MC in October with my first pregnancy. Myself and dh don't have any children and this would have been our first. I had my first AF exactly 31 days after MC and I'm now 15 DPO (CD 32) and waiting for AF. I know its imminent. I have niggly cramps. I've tested everyday since 12 DPO just to make sure and all were BFN.

Since my MC I've tried to keep high levels of PMA and keep in mind that it 'wasnt our time to have a baby' and 'what will be will be'. We made sure that we gave it a good go this month...we checked CM and BD'd at all the right times and NOTHING....a BIG FAT NOTHING....! I cant believe it. I'm secretly gutted. What did we do wrong this cycle? We had very regular sex. I even used OPK which indicated I OV'd on 27th November. We BD every day from 22nd until the 30th ...so why didnt the sperm meet my egg?!?! I dont get it ....grrrrr.

Another thing is EVERYONE is announcing pregnancies around my due date....my sister, one of our couple friends and even someone at work. I dont think i can handle it. Everywhere i turn they're talking about how their pregnancies are coming along nicely and what names they've been thinking of, what sex the baby is, what they're going to buy, what their symptoms are....I just want to scream SHUT UP at them. But how unfair is that? They don't know that i was pregnant and would have been in their 'gang' and do you know what if i was in their position I would be doing exactly the same! Does anybody feel like this?

I feel completely devoid of any PMA and I'm starting to blow things out of proportion by thinking what if I cant have kids....thats how much the MC has knocked me.

Anyway....my rant is over and i feel much better....need to order some PMA from santa this year. Do you think its too late to write my list and send it to him?!

Snooks XXXX

gemgems13 · Dec 11, 2009 4:59PM

hun did you get pg quick the first time? I understand the impatience to get pg again, I've just finished 3rd AF since my natural MC at 8 weeks in september. I am very impatient, but this AF didn't upset me as much as the first 2 did, I am calming down a teeny weeny bit about it. But it took us 8 weeks to get pg the first time, and I just cannot bear the thought of having to wait that long again.

We also have a couple we are friend with just pg. they do know tho and bless them when we went out for dinner just 4 of them hubby had told them I was still upset so they did not mention the pregnancy once!! Guess like you say you can't blame the people that don't know for talking about their happy news.

Don't know about you but my PMA tends to be very cyclical. AF upsets me, then when it finishes I get all full of PMA. at ov time I'm enjoying the BD'ing, then in 2ww I get paranoid and scared and depressed. Hopefully you'll either get a late bfp or get through AF fast and into a more positive place.
Gxx

rocky_kiz · Dec 11, 2009 6:02PM

hey hun, its a rough old rollar coaster we're all on in here! i'm now awaiting 3rd AF since my MMC and the last 2 cycles weren't what i'd class as normal for me so 4 some of us unfortunately it takes a while for our bodies to adjust. the sperm may'ce met the egg but its a very complex process that doesn't always work out

I too like gems am gutted with AF, get PMA just before and during OV and then the 2ww is usually up and down etc. It's better our bodies are ready for next time round is the way i try and think of it. xxx

moonandstars-88968 · Dec 11, 2009 6:07PM

Snooks I have had so many of the emotions you describe. This was my first pregnancy and loosing our baby hit me for six. I was convinced for a very very long time that there must be something wrong with me and that I would never be able to carry a child to full term. And my sil is pregnant (did you see my ranting post?!) which is like a kick in the guts to be frank. I TOTALLY get where you are coming from.

Perhaps it is cold comfort at the moment but you WILL get there. I know how much time is dragging for you and no doubt the last two months have felt more like two years, but you have to hold on in there.

And feel free to rant to us!

Snooks · Dec 13, 2009 12:27PM

Thanks everyone for your lovely replies.

AF came yesterday as I expected it would. I'm at an all time low at the moment. Very weepy and very emotional. Hubby has gone away with work for a week (the second time in the space of 6 weeks) and I'm struggling not to cry....i feel like a mad woman! My hormones must be sky high

I'm sure I'll be full of PMA towards the end of AF and start to look on the bright side of things again.

My body isnt back to normal after MC. I thought that because i had an early MC that my body would bounce back....I'm only 28 so there's no reson it shouldnt. My cycles have only extended by 1-2 days but....and sorry if this is TMI....my AF are completely different. I'm passing clots and my flow is very heavy. Before i was pregnant my AFs were very light and had no clots whatsoever. I wonder how long it will take for my body to get back to normal.

Gemgems - it only took us 2 cycles to conceive and if I'm honest we didn't really try the first cycle....so you could say it was a first attempt. The impatience is killing me!

My sister phoned me up yesterday to tell me she was having a little girl (she has two boys also). I'm genuinely happy for her but i can get away from the pangs of jealousy. I think i'm also feeling like an emotional wreck as I spend weekends around family who ALL have young children and babies. In fact myself and hubby are the only ones who dont have kids. I feel like we're contending with the expectation of an announcement every week we see the family. there's also the questions about when we're going to start a family. At the moment i feel like blurting out that we have been trying and its not happening just to shut people up! But like above its nobody else's fault because they dont know so i think its the bitter pill we're going to have to swallow just for now.

I too worry like you Moonandstars about whether i will be be able to carry a baby full term....but also whether I'll be able to conceive. I suppose worrying about it isnt doing me or hubby any good and i just need to get on with it.

How does everyone else cope? Do you think that it will get easier as AF's go on?

xxxx

LC2RED · Dec 13, 2009 12:36PM

I hope it does get easier. Im still waiting for my 1st cycle to start again. But dont punish ur self 2 much its hard when u want something so badly n every one aroung u seems 2 b pregnant. I know someone that has the same edd as me n she always goes on about it n to b quite honest sometimes I could just tell her 2 bugger off but I would never wish it on any one so just have to keep reminding my self that hopefully it will happen when my time is right.

gemgems13 · Dec 13, 2009 12:50PM

snooks, you're really unlikely to have conception probs if you got pg that fast last time. So I really hope for you you'll get your bfp soon after your body is back to normal and ready for it.

My AF's have been abnormal since MC, and it's only this 3rd one that has been normal for me. TMI coming here - normally for me I start in the morning. the night before I get a little red mucus, then normal bloody flow in the morning. My first one after MC, started very suddenly and very heavily while I was at work - like literally if I hadn't been wearing black trousers it would have been very upsetting. The 2nd one I had 3-4 days of variable pink/brown/red spotting which I was hoping was implantation but then AF came on the 5th day. this one I've just had was normal so I'm hoping that means my body is ready. But I think trying to see much logic/science in what's happening to your body at the mo is just torturing yourself. There's so much variation in how we respond to it, that we all have to just wait and see.

I'm sure you'll start to feel a bit better in a few days, when the disappointment of AF wears off. I don't think I'll feel really happy until I have a healthy 12wk scan, but each month has got easier. I haven't cried for 3 weeks now!!

Snooks · Dec 13, 2009 6:34PM

I think TMI can be better than no information at all. In fact its a comfort to know that I'm not the only one going through this.

I've picked myself up a bit tonight since replying earlier on. I'm a lot more optimistic now.I can feel my PMA coming back already. I've gleamed some positives from my AF....here goes

1. I can have a good drink at my works xmas party and not have to come up with excuses for not drinking!
2. One extra month of saving to put aside some money for maternity leave which I WILL be taking at some point in the near future!...more money means 10 months as opposed to 9 months off!! woop woop!
3. My party outfits and skinny jeans will still fit me over xmas period!
4. I get to have some BD fun with hubby again!!
5. I will get a BFP in 2010 at some point!!

ha ha...well the last one isnt guaranteed but its something to work towards and look forward to

Thanks girlies

Snooks xxx

gemgems13 · Dec 14, 2009 5:00PM

hooray loving the pma! 2010 has just got to be better than this year, we're all gonna get bfp's.
Gxx

2nd AF after miscarriage - gutted

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