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o/t my mum says she wants to die

Im so sorry to post this here i dont know what to do.
Mum is 45 and has a history of depression. Both her and my dad got made redundant early this year and have been struggling to find work. As a result they have only been able to buy for the 2 grandchildren and my brother who is living a home. Mum says she feels really badly about it but no one minds about not getting an xmas pressie. She is struggling with how to pay everything ect they sit freezing cold with no gas because they cant afford to put any on the meter. I help as much as i can but oh and i are in the same situation.
My nan is doing the big xmas dinner this year because mum cant afford to (she has always done it) and she told me she s not going to go and not to tell anyone. I hate the thought of her spending xmas alone and i dont have the room to have everyone here at mine.
Ive just spoken to her on the phone and she says how horrible she feels not being able to do xmas and she doesnt even want to be 'around' she wants to die
What do i do? My head is spinning i dont think she will do anything because she has said this before but refuses to get help. she will hate me if i tell anyone


  • sorry hun I been sitting here reading your message trying to think of something to say, I don't know how old is your mum and dad, but get them a leaflet about coving fuel bills for people with no or low income, see if she can get benefits, cos this it why benefits are there to help and you don't need to tell anyone this way, help her fill out the forms, sometimes showing people there is a blight side can really help, I know about depression, is she on tablets? arranging a doctor appointment and go with her may help, I really hope things get better and this info helps xx
  • I'm so sorry, that's an awful thing to hear. I don't have any practical advice only emotional. My mum said the same to me years a go. It shocked me bcoz I see my mum as the one that keeps the family together etc.

    All I can say is support her, I know it's difficult when you have your own family, but I imagine with those words from your mum ringing in your ears your not as happy as you could be.
    Remind her that Christmas is about family, it's the media and the shopping industry that's made it so commercial. Making us think we all need to go ott on gifts. Young children won't remember who got what and when, and adults are capable of understanding why it's a difficult time.

    The not working part must be difficult, I limited our heating etc bcoz I'm on the last part of my mat leave (so unpaid), and have been putting my mortgage and household bills on credit cards, but I know when I'm going back to work, so i can see a light at the end of the tunnel, where as your mum probably can't. All you can do is remind her that things will get better. She has a lot to be proud of within herself. There's no shame in being out of work through no fault of your own.
    It's awful bcoz she's so young as well. I wish I could do or say more. It's obviously a hard time for you. You'll have so much support on be I'm sure. If you need anything at all just ask x x x
  • you poor thing, I have family who are prone to depression and alone at Christmas, i feel awful because Im not spending it with them again but its really not fair on oh's parents if we dont spend one christmas with them plus they live far away and never get to see j like my family do. I find it hard because I can't be cheery about Christmas around them because its like Im being selfish.
    This is a whole other thing though and I really feel for you. Have you thought about taking your mum to her gp? Maybe she needs help.
    Really hope it gets better
  • Hi hun, I'm not sure what to say but as a sufferer of depression I think you need to try and get some help for yourmum. Is she willing to go to her gp? (Don't get cross if she's not, if she's very bad she won't have the motivation to go) Or could you try and get a home visit from the doctor for your mum? She's obv finding it very difficult to cope, it would be difficult for anyone but if you add depression into the mix things always seem even worse than they really are. I hope she keeps herself safe, can you keep checking on her to make sure she's okay? Keep us updated hun and make sure you tell your mum about Xmas being a time for family, it's not all about the presents but spending time together. Also could your mum help your Grandma make the Xmas dinner? Might make her feel useful.

  • I'm so sorry that you heard this and that your mum is feeling that way. I would definitely go through all benefits with her as you may well find they're entitled to something. You could go to your local citizens advice bureau for info and help.
    I'm not sure how to go about the depression as i'd imagine she had to acknowledge she has it, but a home visit is a good idea.
    I was also going to suggest your mum helps your gran on Christmas day. If she usually always does it could your gran not phone her up and ask for some help in getting it 'just so'. Christmas is definitely about the family getting together and all chipping in, she may even find she enjoys taking more of a backseat and joining in with the social side more.
    Look after yourselves and I really hope you can help your mum out of this bad patch x
  • Thankyou all for the replies i really appreciate it.
    I thought about the GP but she wont take any medication, she refused when she was prescribed it when her mum died. Truthfully I think that most of her problems is that although it was 7 years ago she has never gotten over it and the loss of her mum who was also her best friend is understandably still very raw.
    I speak to her daily and am there for her as much as i can possibly be and she knows that she is more than welcome at my house any time.
    I dont know how to help her feel better if she refuses medication or therapy? I phone my uncle (her brother) and we had a chat and hes gonna help keep an eye on her.
    I will suggest to my mum about helping Nanna im sure she would appreciate the help.
    I just really wish my mum could be happy again, i love her to pieces and shes my best friend
  • I'm glad your getting help from your family, I think your coping really well. Do you know why she won't take meds for depression? When my Grandad died my mum and nan where awful, the way I got them to seek help, and take meds was the same way I got my head round taking them. The women in my family are stubborn creatures and we dislike signs of self weakness, hence the reluctance for help. But I told myself and them, to look at the meds as if they were vitamins. We take vitamins for our bodies, so why not our minds.
    I hope she finds something to help her through this, it sounds like there's so much love in her life, I'm sure you'll see her through it.

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