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Advice on OH, hav you had similar experience?????
Hi Ladies
I hope you dont mind me posting here as i usulay post on LTTTC.
I was wondering if any of you ladies have ever had similar experiences with your OHs & how you coped or sorted out the situation.
My story in short:
OH & i have been TTC for 20 months & during that time ive had 2 MCs, When we first met i was very straight with him & told him having a child was a priorty for me due to my age & having PCOS,( was 30 at the time, i turn 33 this year). I was very clear that if he wanted a relationship with me having a child would be what he was signing up for.
I feel PG quickly the first time after only 3 months TTC but sadly MCd at 6 weeks. We were both deverstated & Oh took it very badly but would never talk to me about how he felt.
After 14 months i concieved again but due to how badly OH was after MC i decided to not tell him until i was further along. Sadly this too wasnt meant to be & i MCd at 5 weeks, i never told OH.
For a year now ive been fighting to get treatment for My PCOS & finally after a long battle have been given Clomid.
So here iam poised with Clomid in the cupboard waiting for AF to show so that I can start my first round when OH drops a bombshell.
HE DOESNT WANT A BABY!
To say it floored me is an understatement. Im heartbroken & distrught.
I tried to talk to him & he just said at the moment its not on his agenda & that the MC frightened the s**t out of him & he didnt want to go through it again or want me to suffer again.
He also said he he cant understand why its so important to me.
Ive realy tried my best to make him understand but have drawn a blank & i realy just cant find the words to tell him how all consumeing this longing is.
I was just wondering if any of you ladies have had similar experiences with your OHs & if you found a way to overcome it or even just if you had a way of trying to explain how it feels?
Im just realy desperate & dont know where to turn to for help.
Thankyou for your time, supersticky babydust to you all. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I hope you dont mind me posting here as i usulay post on LTTTC.
I was wondering if any of you ladies have ever had similar experiences with your OHs & how you coped or sorted out the situation.
My story in short:
OH & i have been TTC for 20 months & during that time ive had 2 MCs, When we first met i was very straight with him & told him having a child was a priorty for me due to my age & having PCOS,( was 30 at the time, i turn 33 this year). I was very clear that if he wanted a relationship with me having a child would be what he was signing up for.
I feel PG quickly the first time after only 3 months TTC but sadly MCd at 6 weeks. We were both deverstated & Oh took it very badly but would never talk to me about how he felt.
After 14 months i concieved again but due to how badly OH was after MC i decided to not tell him until i was further along. Sadly this too wasnt meant to be & i MCd at 5 weeks, i never told OH.
For a year now ive been fighting to get treatment for My PCOS & finally after a long battle have been given Clomid.
So here iam poised with Clomid in the cupboard waiting for AF to show so that I can start my first round when OH drops a bombshell.
HE DOESNT WANT A BABY!
To say it floored me is an understatement. Im heartbroken & distrught.
I tried to talk to him & he just said at the moment its not on his agenda & that the MC frightened the s**t out of him & he didnt want to go through it again or want me to suffer again.
He also said he he cant understand why its so important to me.
Ive realy tried my best to make him understand but have drawn a blank & i realy just cant find the words to tell him how all consumeing this longing is.
I was just wondering if any of you ladies have had similar experiences with your OHs & if you found a way to overcome it or even just if you had a way of trying to explain how it feels?
Im just realy desperate & dont know where to turn to for help.
Thankyou for your time, supersticky babydust to you all. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Replies
Do you think that your oh genuinely doesn't want a baby because he doesn't want children-ever. Or is it that he's very scared of having to go through another mc and seeing you suffer so it's easier to bury his head in the sand and not have to deal with it by not having a baby?
I can imagine how I would feel if my hubby said this to me. Perhaps take some time to calm down 9i'm assuming you're as mad as hell!) and talk to him and try and get to the bottom of it.
I think he may just be very scared. If he genuinely doesn't want a baby I think he should have said much sooner x x
Replied on the Ltttc thread earlier today.
but just wanted to let you know im thinking of you & you have my email if you ever need a chat.
Hugs xxx
Well, in my case I think I am your oh and my oh is you, in that trying again scares the sh1t out of me! Don't get me wrong, I want to be a mum, but the thought of pregnancy is very intimidating at the moment. So perhaps that is what is going on with your partner?
I would try to have a calm conversation with him and try to find out why he doesn't want a child anymore. If he is scared about a miscarriage, I can understand where he comes from.
I always need to have a good conversation with my oh when I get down and don't want to get pregnant anymore and he is more relaxed and positive and will tell me it is alright and such. Than I feel more positive and feel ready for another baby.
Or it could be that he is getting tired of trying and feels like giving up? Especially after a miscarriage. How do you approach ttc? Does he maybe feel that it is all about babymaking and not about the fun anymore? That could also cause some stress and maybe his reaction.
im sorry for your losses, you are so brave to go through one of them alone x
sometimes I have thought that I dont want a baby - but this isnt because I dont want a baby (i really want one!) its just that I dont want the hurt if anything went wrong. but now that Im feeling more positive Im actually looking forward to ttc and being pregnant (but will still be scared!)
has he mentioned this again? or was it a one off comment. if it was a one off comment - then prehaps at that time he did feel scared - and also felt scared for you. (hope im making sense)
i hope you get things sorted, you need to do lots and lots of talking together.
x x