I'm feeling increasingly heavy, pain in ribs is getting worse, I can't get comfy to sleep and work is a nightmare pretty stressed. On the plus side we've sorted a little nursery space and been given a few more bits by family so it's all becoming more real by the day and all the stress will be well worth it in the end!
Hi everyone, we were hoping you would come and tell us how you told your partner you were pregnant on this new thread. We'd love to hear how the big reveal happened!
confession time for me.... sometimes it's easier to talk to people you don't know rather than confide in friends where I don't know if they'd understand anyway.
ive been feeling a weird distance from my Husband and just feel like he isn't that interested in this pregnancy or considering me as someone who needs abit of extra TLC - after all I am carrying our daughter and dealing with the changes that come with it. i think I can count of one hand where he has voluntarily p his hand on my belly- the rest I ask him to feel her etc, sometimes he still has whatever he was watching on his phone still playing.
We had a bit of a communication breakdown and as a result I became overwhelmed and in floods of tears. He apologised for making me feel like there's a problem in our relationship.
Again tonight he's just pee'd me off again with comments that suggest he thinks it's 'all my decisions and only matters if it's my idea etc' which Quite frankly insulted me and hurt me- so naturally I left the room to avoid further comments- I told him he was being rude (I didn't want to say much more as his 7yr oldwas nearby and I don't have adult convos in front of children where they may pick up on worries etc) so he made comments as I left like'walk off then that will sort everything out won't it' etc I just ignored him.
Anyway in my bath I was contemplating again like, why is it like this? Is this the start of worse things to come. If it's feeling like this now, I can only imagine it's worse once a baby is here and she needs my attention and sleep deprived etc.
literally fighting my inner stubbornness to want to pack a case and bugger off for a few days to make a point I'm not doing this anymore.
i personally feel gutted we've wanted s baby for a long time and I would have thought he would move heaven and earth for me to make sure I'm happy and if I need anything etc but NO. Apparently being pregnant doesn't make me incompetent to do things.
We've also been trying for a long time & finally looks like we're getting our family, but my husband is behaving the same, if not worse than he usually does! Men!!!
Lately its been his going out at weekends... not consideration for me sat at home, nackered & not being able to drink :-/ its worrying me with Xmas coming up & all the opportunities to go out...
I did manage to drag him to Babies R Us at the weekend, but that's the first time he's shown an interest in buying anything really...
Moaned to my & cousin etc about it and they agree that most men don't really get it until the baby arrives!
😖😞 I just think, he has shown more affection in the past and now it's gone.
from where the standards were so high pre pregnancy about how lovely he treated me and his attitude towards me etc yet now it's like a pretty pants marriage.. don't have much laughter etc or buying me nice little gifts. I would have thought he would love me more knowing I'm carrying our child and hes having his first daughter. Just feel a massive wedge.
He doesn't go out really, catch up with lads once a month on a weekday evening But that's about it although he does have a racing hobby and spent all summer racing or working on the car in the evenings and weekends etc so now the racing season has finished- id have hoped he would dedicate his energy into me and the pregnancy etc but NO last night he was talking about going in the garage to work on the car to 'prep' it for the season next APRIL!!! I made a point to say I thought you would want to spend time with me and the baby now but he has an answer for that too. Just makes me feel like he doesn't really naturally want to spend time with me. 😔 I used to be a really cold person and it's hard where I've let my guard down, especially since we married but I feel like I wouldn't force him to spend time with me etc and let him make his own choices and then there will come a time I'll act upon it.
Jazzy...I think this is quite common, I'm sure it will all change completely nonce he can see her.
This is my third, and this time with a different father, who has been wonderfully excited, it wasn't like that with my first two...until they were born.
I'm so tired of being sick! It's just relentless, I'm not really complaining, I'd rather this than SPD, which plagued my other pregnancies, but I feel rotten.
I felt my husband was the same and being distant. We had a long conversation about it. He struggled to get his feelings into words but the gist was he is struggling as he can see I am starting to struggle doing daily tasks and in pain or sick and always tired but there is nothing he can do to help so he feels useless.
He doesnt feel any attachment to the baby yet as he cant see it and has only felt it move a few times, at the moment it is just something which is putting me through crap. I dont think it is real for him yet.
When it comes to buying stuff he doesnt want to take that off me, he feels its something I should be able to enjoy with my mum or girlfriends. I asked him about the important things like pushchair and again he feels that I should get the one I want as it will be me using it most of the time.
He also explained that he has noticed I am more sensitive about things now so this might also be contributing to how I am feeling about the way he is acting.
I think I had a completely different idea about how life would be while pregnant, I expected husband to be over the moon and really get involved and I didnt expect to be so tired and unable to focus all the time. So my expectations were high to begin with, its all shattered now and reality has hit.
Ladies it's men for you my husband was exactly the same he only just started paying an interest in our daughter the past 4 months and she has just turned 1. This pregnancy is the same not sure if he has felt the baby move yet but I'm not going to stress out about it. It's just one of those things and pregnancy is different for everyone. it must be hard for them not to connect with a baby they can't feel. If I'm completely honest I didn't connect with my daughter until after she was born and I'm similar in this pregnancy. What I will say is once a baby comes along your whole relationship will change. Everything out there is for women. My husband once joked he was going to do a male version of Emma's diary! They just don't express like we do x
Hi everyone, we've just started a new thread about private early pregnancy scans, and if you've had one, we would love to hear from you on this thread here.
Also, today is your last chance to enter this sponsored discussion about advice you've had from your parents - there's a £150 Amazon voucher up for grabs! That thread is here.
I think the issue with the men is really common. I'm not making excuses for them but I think it's a hard thing to really get their heads around as all of the change happens to us. Plus we've got that surge of hormones. We sit there, leaking milk into the bath and crying over what a marvel it is and they just often don't feel that connection until the little one is here. Sometimes even later than that. My first husband is an amazing dad- but it took him a good year to become one.
We have all that emotion brewing until the day that you see those pink lines and then the excitement carries on. Even feeling absolutely crap reminds you that you've a little life inside you being created. For the men, after that initial excitement, I think it can be a long wait. Even with scans etc., it can be a very abstract experience for a man- and a woman!! I've had this chat many times with friends and the kicking of the bump is often something both parents look forward to, yet men seem to lose interest a bit after the first few kicks.
I can't really moan about my other half. He's pretty good but he works away a lot so he does still get excited over kicks etc. Maybe take some time to sit and talk over how you're feeling? He might be shocked to realise you are feeling like that. The other thing is that, in my experience, men can be a bit unrealistic about time- sweeping generalisation, I know, but most of the men in my life seem to think time stands still a bit. When it comes to buying things, my other half keeps saying 'ah we've got ages yet' but he's not the one shopping for all of the Christmas presents for everyone, organising who is coming to visit in December or where we are going, sorting out the half term holiday etc. So he does feel like there's ages. Last time he had no idea you didn't just walk into a shop and walk out with a ready built pram (or not very often). He also hadn't thought about the amount of 'stuff' you need and how we'd need to do things like swap the boys bedrooms around, decorate one room, buy more storage in another, carpet another etc. My sister in law is due in December and they've had to have new windows put in as they didnt have double glazing and it would be too cold in the nursery and their room for her. It's ridiculous the amount of sorting that goes on. I lie in bed like some strategical/logistical maniac making list after list on my phone. But he lies there snoring away.
Not sure if any of my ramble has helped but rest assured you are amongst friends here. And definitely not alone in feeling how you are feeling. Take care xxx
I'd just repeat the fact you're not alone really. I've had similar worries about my partner over the past few weeks. I think I mentioned it on here a while ago. We talked about it, and he was understanding, and now I understand his point of view a bit more. I think because we are living and breathing growing these little people and it consumes every minute of every day, it's easy to forget that they aren't sometimes. I'm not saying all this excuses his behaviour, but try to make him understand how you feel. I hope he understands and is sensitive to that. I found that giving my partner some set tasks to do for us helped. Like he's researching local childcare and I got him to find out what the best nappies are! I think he enjoyed having little challenges to help him feel useful. Im a list maniac and he just isn't wired in the same methodical / control freak way as me!
Hope things improve for you and feel free to rant away. I'm sure we all will at some stage! X
Sorry I've been MIA for awhile, the app has been so slow loading for me that it had become more of a frustration, but I missed seeing all your updates and input on the journey! So lots to catch up on... but first, Jazzy, and other ladies that feel the same about our guys- I feel you girls! I am understanding of the fact that his experience of pregnancy is totally different than mine since I'm the one feeling and going through everything, so I think there is a bit of a disconnect there, however, I wish he would be more understanding and patient with me when I have a random meltdown or cry fest! Last weekend I spent hours cooking for a family dinner, cleaning, etc., and he got mad because I made us late to him catching the kickoff for the football (NFL) game! Instead of offering his help or being patient (because it's not like I was off painting my nails or something), he got irritated, then when I told him my feelings were hurt, he got defensive and shut down. We don't bicker often, but when we do it's SO frustrating! I told him I have every right to be emotional and need extra affection during this time, but he just doesn't seem to get it. I know how excited he is to be a dad, and I know he's going to be a wonderful one, and that he is stressed because he is working hard to get our house ready (we are getting our kitchen redone/nursery projects), so I try to be understanding of that, but I need more from him emotionally sooner than later! Glad I'm not the only one going through that, but hope that it gets better for all of us soon!
Also wanted to mention to Lil about the pattern of baby's movements- I'm 24+2 and I definitely don't notice a specific pattern yet, nor have I really paid close attention yet. I know that baby is active at night when I finally lay down for the day, and at random times during the day, but other than that, I don't know if there is anything specific going on. Although I will start to pay closer attention now to see if there is something to it. I've heard so many different women say that some days are more active than others, or depends on what they eat, etc.. Hope that you can find some relief in that and keep those panic attacks at bay! I'm sure you've got a healthy and happy babe coming your way
My due date is still the same- January 29th, and we are not finding out what we are having! I think that the suspense will be that extra boost I need when I'm feeling drained and tired of being in labor! I know some women say that they have a feeling of what their baby is, but I've got nothing. No intuition either way...just happy he or she is healthy!
I've been feeling great actually. I do notice that I am taking that for granted though and probably need to rest more often at little moments throughout the day instead of being so 'go, go, go' all the time since I have a little bit of back pain from an old injury that seems to flare up more often now, and it's definitely harder to bend over and tie my shoes these days...but overall, no major complaints yet, and hoping it stays that way! We have decided to have a baby shower since I have family members that want to throw one for me and my mom is so excited since this is her first grandchild. We are doing a vintage library theme, but it will be more of a social gathering than a typical baby shower. Bar will be open for those that can drink, good food, no crazy games that take away from socializing, etc.. I'm excited about it
Well thanks ladies- I feel a lot better today after my mega meltdown last night.
we had the 'discussion' which aired my feelings and I stood my ground and he rightly so came crawling with his tail between his legs. I really go to town when I say 'I'll go away this weekend and you think about what you want' I'm so dramatic BUT it works for us/him as he then contemplates the severity of the situation.
anyway long story short he has admitted he's been slacking and will show me he loves me, is excited etc I said actions speak louder than words. So I'll wait and see. He made extra effort this morning to walk the dog, make lunches, put dishwasher on before he left for work.
if i know him as well as I think I do? He's slipped up big time and will make an effort to reassure me and put to bed all my concerns.
im so glad I vented on here than friends and family- it's hassle involving people you know as you don't want their judgements when they don't understand. I'd rather hear it from women in my situation who can make me feel a little assured I'm not the only one lol
Exactly Jazzy, I feel the same way about sharing certain stuff with family and close friends because I know that my husband and I will get over it and move forward and be fine, but you never know who might still hold some animosity towards him or judge him about it in the future.
Glad that you guys talked, communication is the biggest part and key for progress! Hope he continues to show you the love you deserve.
I'm more positive news.. how's everyone's bumps developing? I was told I had a small bump by a friend for 26weeks. I don't know what's small or not 🤷🏻♀️ Midwife didn't comment when I saw her yesterday, so I guess it's just other people's perception.
Eughh I hate people commenting on size of bump! Did the midwife measure you? I was told I'm looking big, but midwife measured and it's spot on measurement... they map it on a graph so you can see.
Just saw her again today for 28 week appointmen & everything looking good.
We had our 4d scan last night... it's quite weird seeing it! Anyone else had/having one?
Replies
Great you've felt the baby move Lilibet!
I'm feeling increasingly heavy, pain in ribs is getting worse, I can't get comfy to sleep and work is a nightmare pretty stressed. On the plus side we've sorted a little nursery space and been given a few more bits by family so it's all becoming more real by the day and all the stress will be well worth it in the end!
How is everyone else coping with work? X
Hi everyone, we were hoping you would come and tell us how you told your partner you were pregnant on this new thread. We'd love to hear how the big reveal happened!
Hi ladies
confession time for me.... sometimes it's easier to talk to people you don't know rather than confide in friends where I don't know if they'd understand anyway.
ive been feeling a weird distance from my Husband and just feel like he isn't that interested in this pregnancy or considering me as someone who needs abit of extra TLC - after all I am carrying our daughter and dealing with the changes that come with it. i think I can count of one hand where he has voluntarily p his hand on my belly- the rest I ask him to feel her etc, sometimes he still has whatever he was watching on his phone still playing.
We had a bit of a communication breakdown and as a result I became overwhelmed and in floods of tears. He apologised for making me feel like there's a problem in our relationship.
Again tonight he's just pee'd me off again with comments that suggest he thinks it's 'all my decisions and only matters if it's my idea etc' which Quite frankly insulted me and hurt me- so naturally I left the room to avoid further comments- I told him he was being rude (I didn't want to say much more as his 7yr oldwas nearby and I don't have adult convos in front of children where they may pick up on worries etc) so he made comments as I left like'walk off then that will sort everything out won't it' etc I just ignored him.
Anyway in my bath I was contemplating again like, why is it like this? Is this the start of worse things to come. If it's feeling like this now, I can only imagine it's worse once a baby is here and she needs my attention and sleep deprived etc.
literally fighting my inner stubbornness to want to pack a case and bugger off for a few days to make a point I'm not doing this anymore.
i personally feel gutted we've wanted s baby for a long time and I would have thought he would move heaven and earth for me to make sure I'm happy and if I need anything etc but NO. Apparently being pregnant doesn't make me incompetent to do things.
😪
Jazzy! I feel your frustration....
We've also been trying for a long time & finally looks like we're getting our family, but my husband is behaving the same, if not worse than he usually does! Men!!!
Lately its been his going out at weekends... not consideration for me sat at home, nackered & not being able to drink :-/ its worrying me with Xmas coming up & all the opportunities to go out...
I did manage to drag him to Babies R Us at the weekend, but that's the first time he's shown an interest in buying anything really...
Moaned to my & cousin etc about it and they agree that most men don't really get it until the baby arrives!
😖😞 I just think, he has shown more affection in the past and now it's gone.
from where the standards were so high pre pregnancy about how lovely he treated me and his attitude towards me etc yet now it's like a pretty pants marriage.. don't have much laughter etc or buying me nice little gifts. I would have thought he would love me more knowing I'm carrying our child and hes having his first daughter. Just feel a massive wedge.
He doesn't go out really, catch up with lads once a month on a weekday evening But that's about it although he does have a racing hobby and spent all summer racing or working on the car in the evenings and weekends etc so now the racing season has finished- id have hoped he would dedicate his energy into me and the pregnancy etc but NO last night he was talking about going in the garage to work on the car to 'prep' it for the season next APRIL!!! I made a point to say I thought you would want to spend time with me and the baby now but he has an answer for that too. Just makes me feel like he doesn't really naturally want to spend time with me. 😔 I used to be a really cold person and it's hard where I've let my guard down, especially since we married but I feel like I wouldn't force him to spend time with me etc and let him make his own choices and then there will come a time I'll act upon it.
Jazzy...I think this is quite common, I'm sure it will all change completely nonce he can see her.
This is my third, and this time with a different father, who has been wonderfully excited, it wasn't like that with my first two...until they were born.
Babies are magical..I think it will get better.
I'm so tired of being sick! It's just relentless, I'm not really complaining, I'd rather this than SPD, which plagued my other pregnancies, but I feel rotten.
Not long to go though now really.
I felt my husband was the same and being distant. We had a long conversation about it. He struggled to get his feelings into words but the gist was he is struggling as he can see I am starting to struggle doing daily tasks and in pain or sick and always tired but there is nothing he can do to help so he feels useless.
He doesnt feel any attachment to the baby yet as he cant see it and has only felt it move a few times, at the moment it is just something which is putting me through crap. I dont think it is real for him yet.
When it comes to buying stuff he doesnt want to take that off me, he feels its something I should be able to enjoy with my mum or girlfriends. I asked him about the important things like pushchair and again he feels that I should get the one I want as it will be me using it most of the time.
He also explained that he has noticed I am more sensitive about things now so this might also be contributing to how I am feeling about the way he is acting.
I think I had a completely different idea about how life would be while pregnant, I expected husband to be over the moon and really get involved and I didnt expect to be so tired and unable to focus all the time. So my expectations were high to begin with, its all shattered now and reality has hit.
Ladies it's men for you my husband was exactly the same he only just started paying an interest in our daughter the past 4 months and she has just turned 1. This pregnancy is the same not sure if he has felt the baby move yet but I'm not going to stress out about it. It's just one of those things and pregnancy is different for everyone. it must be hard for them not to connect with a baby they can't feel. If I'm completely honest I didn't connect with my daughter until after she was born and I'm similar in this pregnancy. What I will say is once a baby comes along your whole relationship will change. Everything out there is for women. My husband once joked he was going to do a male version of Emma's diary! They just don't express like we do x
Hi everyone, we've just started a new thread about private early pregnancy scans, and if you've had one, we would love to hear from you on this thread here.
Also, today is your last chance to enter this sponsored discussion about advice you've had from your parents - there's a £150 Amazon voucher up for grabs! That thread is here.
I think the issue with the men is really common. I'm not making excuses for them but I think it's a hard thing to really get their heads around as all of the change happens to us. Plus we've got that surge of hormones. We sit there, leaking milk into the bath and crying over what a marvel it is and they just often don't feel that connection until the little one is here. Sometimes even later than that. My first husband is an amazing dad- but it took him a good year to become one.
We have all that emotion brewing until the day that you see those pink lines and then the excitement carries on. Even feeling absolutely crap reminds you that you've a little life inside you being created. For the men, after that initial excitement, I think it can be a long wait. Even with scans etc., it can be a very abstract experience for a man- and a woman!! I've had this chat many times with friends and the kicking of the bump is often something both parents look forward to, yet men seem to lose interest a bit after the first few kicks.
I can't really moan about my other half. He's pretty good but he works away a lot so he does still get excited over kicks etc. Maybe take some time to sit and talk over how you're feeling? He might be shocked to realise you are feeling like that. The other thing is that, in my experience, men can be a bit unrealistic about time- sweeping generalisation, I know, but most of the men in my life seem to think time stands still a bit. When it comes to buying things, my other half keeps saying 'ah we've got ages yet' but he's not the one shopping for all of the Christmas presents for everyone, organising who is coming to visit in December or where we are going, sorting out the half term holiday etc. So he does feel like there's ages. Last time he had no idea you didn't just walk into a shop and walk out with a ready built pram (or not very often). He also hadn't thought about the amount of 'stuff' you need and how we'd need to do things like swap the boys bedrooms around, decorate one room, buy more storage in another, carpet another etc. My sister in law is due in December and they've had to have new windows put in as they didnt have double glazing and it would be too cold in the nursery and their room for her. It's ridiculous the amount of sorting that goes on. I lie in bed like some strategical/logistical maniac making list after list on my phone. But he lies there snoring away.
Not sure if any of my ramble has helped but rest assured you are amongst friends here. And definitely not alone in feeling how you are feeling. Take care xxx
I'd just repeat the fact you're not alone really. I've had similar worries about my partner over the past few weeks. I think I mentioned it on here a while ago. We talked about it, and he was understanding, and now I understand his point of view a bit more. I think because we are living and breathing growing these little people and it consumes every minute of every day, it's easy to forget that they aren't sometimes. I'm not saying all this excuses his behaviour, but try to make him understand how you feel. I hope he understands and is sensitive to that. I found that giving my partner some set tasks to do for us helped. Like he's researching local childcare and I got him to find out what the best nappies are! I think he enjoyed having little challenges to help him feel useful. Im a list maniac and he just isn't wired in the same methodical / control freak way as me!
Hope things improve for you and feel free to rant away. I'm sure we all will at some stage! X
Hi ladies!
Sorry I've been MIA for awhile, the app has been so slow loading for me that it had become more of a frustration, but I missed seeing all your updates and input on the journey! So lots to catch up on... but first, Jazzy, and other ladies that feel the same about our guys- I feel you girls! I am understanding of the fact that his experience of pregnancy is totally different than mine since I'm the one feeling and going through everything, so I think there is a bit of a disconnect there, however, I wish he would be more understanding and patient with me when I have a random meltdown or cry fest! Last weekend I spent hours cooking for a family dinner, cleaning, etc., and he got mad because I made us late to him catching the kickoff for the football (NFL) game! Instead of offering his help or being patient (because it's not like I was off painting my nails or something), he got irritated, then when I told him my feelings were hurt, he got defensive and shut down. We don't bicker often, but when we do it's SO frustrating! I told him I have every right to be emotional and need extra affection during this time, but he just doesn't seem to get it. I know how excited he is to be a dad, and I know he's going to be a wonderful one, and that he is stressed because he is working hard to get our house ready (we are getting our kitchen redone/nursery projects), so I try to be understanding of that, but I need more from him emotionally sooner than later! Glad I'm not the only one going through that, but hope that it gets better for all of us soon!
Also wanted to mention to Lil about the pattern of baby's movements- I'm 24+2 and I definitely don't notice a specific pattern yet, nor have I really paid close attention yet. I know that baby is active at night when I finally lay down for the day, and at random times during the day, but other than that, I don't know if there is anything specific going on. Although I will start to pay closer attention now to see if there is something to it. I've heard so many different women say that some days are more active than others, or depends on what they eat, etc.. Hope that you can find some relief in that and keep those panic attacks at bay! I'm sure you've got a healthy and happy babe coming your way
My due date is still the same- January 29th, and we are not finding out what we are having! I think that the suspense will be that extra boost I need when I'm feeling drained and tired of being in labor! I know some women say that they have a feeling of what their baby is, but I've got nothing. No intuition either way...just happy he or she is healthy!
I've been feeling great actually. I do notice that I am taking that for granted though and probably need to rest more often at little moments throughout the day instead of being so 'go, go, go' all the time since I have a little bit of back pain from an old injury that seems to flare up more often now, and it's definitely harder to bend over and tie my shoes these days...but overall, no major complaints yet, and hoping it stays that way! We have decided to have a baby shower since I have family members that want to throw one for me and my mom is so excited since this is her first grandchild. We are doing a vintage library theme, but it will be more of a social gathering than a typical baby shower. Bar will be open for those that can drink, good food, no crazy games that take away from socializing, etc.. I'm excited about it
Hope that everyone is having a great week so far!
Well thanks ladies- I feel a lot better today after my mega meltdown last night.
we had the 'discussion' which aired my feelings and I stood my ground and he rightly so came crawling with his tail between his legs. I really go to town when I say 'I'll go away this weekend and you think about what you want' I'm so dramatic BUT it works for us/him as he then contemplates the severity of the situation.
anyway long story short he has admitted he's been slacking and will show me he loves me, is excited etc I said actions speak louder than words. So I'll wait and see. He made extra effort this morning to walk the dog, make lunches, put dishwasher on before he left for work.
if i know him as well as I think I do? He's slipped up big time and will make an effort to reassure me and put to bed all my concerns.
im so glad I vented on here than friends and family- it's hassle involving people you know as you don't want their judgements when they don't understand. I'd rather hear it from women in my situation who can make me feel a little assured I'm not the only one lol
Exactly Jazzy, I feel the same way about sharing certain stuff with family and close friends because I know that my husband and I will get over it and move forward and be fine, but you never know who might still hold some animosity towards him or judge him about it in the future.
Glad that you guys talked, communication is the biggest part and key for progress! Hope he continues to show you the love you deserve.
Glad you managed to talk and are feeling better for it X
I'm more positive news.. how's everyone's bumps developing? I was told I had a small bump by a friend for 26weeks. I don't know what's small or not 🤷🏻♀️ Midwife didn't comment when I saw her yesterday, so I guess it's just other people's perception.
Eughh I hate people commenting on size of bump! Did the midwife measure you? I was told I'm looking big, but midwife measured and it's spot on measurement... they map it on a graph so you can see.
Just saw her again today for 28 week appointmen & everything looking good.
We had our 4d scan last night... it's quite weird seeing it! Anyone else had/having one?
No she didn't measure it, wasn't my usual midwife but am seeing her again in 3weeks for my Anti-D injection and don't know much what else for?
I think it's ok but then again Ive never been 26weeks before so... who knows. I'll post a pic so you can see