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MIL ISSUES
Hello everyone!
I am pretty new to this community but it’s not long until I give birth to my little girl. Currently 37 weeks today.
I wanted to make this post to express something that’s been making me feel depressed and I’ve foreseen my life after this first pregnancy and felt like I will end up getting postpartum depression due to family not getting along and the bother of IN LAWS.
Lord where do I start with this. Me and my partner are in an amazing relationship we hardly argue and we love each other so much. I found out I was pregnant in March this year and he was worried about his mother’s reaction. I ended up telling my parents first and they was completely over the moon and it was my partners turn to break it to his mother and she “saw red”. She was putting everything off saying we wasn’t together long, she didn’t like me, “he was on his own with me she doesn’t want to get involved” and even saying she doesn’t want the pregnancy to go on.
Now she is a mother of two boys she has never had a daughter. As soon as I announced I was having a baby girl she started getting clingy with me and pretending she likes me. And it all started with her and my FIL (father-in-law) buying expensive practical things for the baby such as a travel pushchair system, car seat, and the cot, along with other practical things.
She doesn’t get on with my mum at all because there was an argument over what my daughters surname was going to be. I haven’t made any decisions with my own daughter yet and I feel like my mother in law is wanting my own daughter to be how she wants her to be. It’s like they’ve married my baby and I still have my own surname and my own daughter gets her fathers surname before I even marry him and my mother just thinks it’s wrong because his mother wants to make my daughter how she wants her to be. She isn’t allowing me to see my mother anymore and my mother is upset about feeling left out and second best.
I talked to my mother in law yesterday about the hospital part and I told her I was worried in case my mother feels left out that she wasn’t aloud to the hospital (MIL manipulated me to not let her near the hospital) and my mother doesn’t know and I feel terrible... MIL (mother-in-law)said “listen this is my experience and I don’t want it taken away from me because it will be special to me and my son” forgetting to mention me or anyone else this means to the most. I’m the one giving birth to my own daughter! Deep down I don’t agree with any of it and I felt like the whole time my mother in law has been giving me instructions I don’t want to follow and I feel bad to disagree with her because she gives me and buys me nice things to keep me happy or something even gives me money and I said to her “why on Earth you giving me money for you know I can’t pay you back as I am on benefits” and she said you’re giving us your granddaughter no need to pay me back. I’ve seen one of her messages once talking to my partner about him borrowing bus fare to me and she said in the message “you better get the money back from her” so I am constantly thinking they are giving me money to buy my daughter now? My partner had a nasty turn with me agreeing with his mother’s intentions... even saying “this is mums little girl she never had” and also said to me “listen if it came to courts you would have no chance winning our daughter we are fully financially capable and you aren’t”? I don’t know about you but for a first time mother these words are dangerous and sensitive for my fragile mind and I just don’t like how my daughter won’t be my own.
I have wishes for my daughter and I feel like none of them will meet. My mother in law goes on about how her life will be with my own daughter. She even pushed to move out my partner to live with me and she is turning his room into a baby room for her. It’s not fair. I’m not aloud to let my daughter have my second name. I’m not aloud to inform my parents about the birth. I’m not aloud to go out. If I’m offline on Facebook for a while they think I’m acting suspicious for being offline for a long time and ask me where I am even wait around in the car around the area to see if I am in my home. I feel controlled. It’s depressing me. I feel bad for my mother too because I have been lying to her and tried to change the subjects of the things she brings up like the hospital situation and my mother has mental problems. She even said “I can see his parents can afford everything and everything I offer you like a cot is not good enough for you”... i can hear the sadness and how it breaks her in her voice... it breaks my heart because I can’t be straight with her and tell her what’s going on. My mother has 10 children I am one of them and I have helped her all my life with childcare and babysitting and she wants to do a favour back to me. It breaks my heart that my mother feels second best... I have told my mother in law how I feel and she’s talks about how my mother is a bad person and why I need to avoid her. I just feel like my baby is going to be a tug of war...
I am pretty new to this community but it’s not long until I give birth to my little girl. Currently 37 weeks today.
I wanted to make this post to express something that’s been making me feel depressed and I’ve foreseen my life after this first pregnancy and felt like I will end up getting postpartum depression due to family not getting along and the bother of IN LAWS.
Lord where do I start with this. Me and my partner are in an amazing relationship we hardly argue and we love each other so much. I found out I was pregnant in March this year and he was worried about his mother’s reaction. I ended up telling my parents first and they was completely over the moon and it was my partners turn to break it to his mother and she “saw red”. She was putting everything off saying we wasn’t together long, she didn’t like me, “he was on his own with me she doesn’t want to get involved” and even saying she doesn’t want the pregnancy to go on.
Now she is a mother of two boys she has never had a daughter. As soon as I announced I was having a baby girl she started getting clingy with me and pretending she likes me. And it all started with her and my FIL (father-in-law) buying expensive practical things for the baby such as a travel pushchair system, car seat, and the cot, along with other practical things.
She doesn’t get on with my mum at all because there was an argument over what my daughters surname was going to be. I haven’t made any decisions with my own daughter yet and I feel like my mother in law is wanting my own daughter to be how she wants her to be. It’s like they’ve married my baby and I still have my own surname and my own daughter gets her fathers surname before I even marry him and my mother just thinks it’s wrong because his mother wants to make my daughter how she wants her to be. She isn’t allowing me to see my mother anymore and my mother is upset about feeling left out and second best.
I talked to my mother in law yesterday about the hospital part and I told her I was worried in case my mother feels left out that she wasn’t aloud to the hospital (MIL manipulated me to not let her near the hospital) and my mother doesn’t know and I feel terrible... MIL (mother-in-law)said “listen this is my experience and I don’t want it taken away from me because it will be special to me and my son” forgetting to mention me or anyone else this means to the most. I’m the one giving birth to my own daughter! Deep down I don’t agree with any of it and I felt like the whole time my mother in law has been giving me instructions I don’t want to follow and I feel bad to disagree with her because she gives me and buys me nice things to keep me happy or something even gives me money and I said to her “why on Earth you giving me money for you know I can’t pay you back as I am on benefits” and she said you’re giving us your granddaughter no need to pay me back. I’ve seen one of her messages once talking to my partner about him borrowing bus fare to me and she said in the message “you better get the money back from her” so I am constantly thinking they are giving me money to buy my daughter now? My partner had a nasty turn with me agreeing with his mother’s intentions... even saying “this is mums little girl she never had” and also said to me “listen if it came to courts you would have no chance winning our daughter we are fully financially capable and you aren’t”? I don’t know about you but for a first time mother these words are dangerous and sensitive for my fragile mind and I just don’t like how my daughter won’t be my own.
I have wishes for my daughter and I feel like none of them will meet. My mother in law goes on about how her life will be with my own daughter. She even pushed to move out my partner to live with me and she is turning his room into a baby room for her. It’s not fair. I’m not aloud to let my daughter have my second name. I’m not aloud to inform my parents about the birth. I’m not aloud to go out. If I’m offline on Facebook for a while they think I’m acting suspicious for being offline for a long time and ask me where I am even wait around in the car around the area to see if I am in my home. I feel controlled. It’s depressing me. I feel bad for my mother too because I have been lying to her and tried to change the subjects of the things she brings up like the hospital situation and my mother has mental problems. She even said “I can see his parents can afford everything and everything I offer you like a cot is not good enough for you”... i can hear the sadness and how it breaks her in her voice... it breaks my heart because I can’t be straight with her and tell her what’s going on. My mother has 10 children I am one of them and I have helped her all my life with childcare and babysitting and she wants to do a favour back to me. It breaks my heart that my mother feels second best... I have told my mother in law how I feel and she’s talks about how my mother is a bad person and why I need to avoid her. I just feel like my baby is going to be a tug of war...
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