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Struggling to come to terms with not having a family. Help appreciated!

My husband and I are both desperate for a family, but have had to make the very difficult decision not to. We both work 40+ hours a week and I commute for up to 4 hours a day. We cannot afford to change jobs or reduce hours as we have a mortgage, bills and debts to pay.  This is unlikely to change for a number of years.

Unfortunately I also have endometriosis and I'm now 31 - so it's now or never for me if I want to try conceive. But our circumstances simply wont allow it. We can't afford a child let alone manage a child alongside 4 hours per day commutes and 40+ hours a week careers. 

Devastated doesn't even start to explain just how bad I'm feeling, I'm worried it's bordering on depression now too.  All I want is a family, but circumstances dictate otherwise.

I was just wondering if anyone else had been in a similar situation and found any coping mechanisms?  Giving up my desperate dreams of having a family is proving so difficult. 

Please help!


  • Hun, its only money, do not live to regret not having a family... Everybody has debts and bills and they are doing fine, we have a mortgage, only my partner works 40 hours a week, I stay home, you manage, you think you can't but you can, you will make it work, have your family xx

  • There is a saying we never regret having a child only the ones we didn’t.

    I think the current generation are mostly in a similar situation. Everyone has bills etc and sometimes it’s about making compromise. Is there things you could give up? A house with a smaller mortgage? A job closer to home that would reduce travel expenses?

    We had a lot of debts when my oldest was born due to my partner having an accident at work and me only just finishing university. We got by and made do with what we could and now nearly 7 years on we have 2 gorgeous girls, less debts and I am taking a full time promotion at work. So things will hopefully look up. There was days along the way we didn’t know how we afford to pay rent or buy bread even but we always managed. 

    The fact act your not happy with the decision just now, means your gonna resent it and potentially resent your partner in the future.

    by no means am I saying you should get into more debt etc or put yourself under financial strain but I don’t believe there is ever a right time for babies. We always have something going on. They are worth the stress and sacrifices in my opinion though.

    Hope you are able to speak things through again and make a decision your both happy with.
  • They say theres never a right time to have a baby, people tent to over think it and plan what they cannot predict. In this current climate everyone has a debt and if younwent by that you will miss out on something worth more than money and thats the love you get from a baby and you become a family. I have 5 children, i love being a mum its the best job in the world,my husband works 40 hrs,were not on benefits and dnt claim anything and we manage. Our children dont go without and we are comfortable. I wouldnt change them for the world and it woukd be such a dhame for you to miss out on that when you want it so much. Follow your heart not ur bank balance u will manage xx
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