JUST NEEDING TO LET OFF STEAM - READ THIS IF YOU WILL

Hi All

Just thought I'd put this down in writing to try to make me feel better!!!

My weekend started off fantasticly, my husband treated me to a de-luxe pamper day at a spa, where i got a massage, facial, manicure and pedicure. (you are probably thinking, what the f*** is she moaning about, please read on) the spa day was great and i came home feeling so revived!!! That was Saturday

Yesterday I spent the day visiting friends and relatives making them jealous by telling them of my fab saturday. Later yesterday evening i got a telephone call from my best friend for whom i am being a Bridesmaid next August. She was basically calling to tell me that I HAVE TO stand down from being her bridesmaid because I am trying to conceive!!!!! When I agreed to be her bridesmaid I told her I was trying to conceive and she was fine with it. As you can probably appreciate, i was very upset. The reason she gave was that the Bridal shop need her to get her bridesmaids in NOW for measurements, she told them that I was ttc and they said they didn't know what they would do with regards to my measurements. I had previously discussed this with OH and we had decided that we would have a break from ttc as it got nearer to her wedding so I could still be a bridesmaid and not be too heavily pregnant if it all!!! I explained this too her but it did no good. I have tried everything with her but she will not budge!!!

I have offered to pay for my dress and have also told her to take my measurements as I am now and if i fall pregnant and cannot wear it, i will step down then and still pay for my dress so as not to affect her budget. She doesn't want that either, I don't know what else to suggest to her. She doesn't seem to appreciate just how hurt i would be to attend the wedding as a guest if i WASN'T pregnant and to look at all the other bridesmaids and think, it should've been ME!!!!!

Only others ttc can understand this!!! What can I do??

Sorry for the long post and thanks for reading.

By the way day 50 for me now and still no AF!!!!!

[Modified by: webeditor on 06 August 2007 17:04:35 ]
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  • hi,

    my friend recently got married 7th july and her bridesmaid was pregnant and they managed to do allterations to her dress right up until the week before and she looked stunning, cant be a very good dress maker if cant do this!!!

    your friend doesnt sound very nice about this she should be overjoyed for you if do become pregnant. i think she is being selfish.

    like i said the bridal shop if any good would be able to accomadate.

    take care and good luck

    amanda xx
  • Thanks Amanda for taking the time to read my post and for replying to me. I have shed a lot of tears over this and I am soooooo gutted!!!!

    She has e-mailed me today to say this is her final decision and the bridal shop have said there is definately no way they can accomodate a pregnant lady in the dress she has chosen.

    I have explained how i will feel if I do not get pregnant by her wedding but she has not replied to my e-mails.

    GUTTED!!!!!
  • not to be horrible but she does not sound like a very good friend i would have moved shops if that was me!!
  • Wow, what an ass Den. Your friend should be supporting you ttc not being a bitch about it. Sadly some people become bridezilla's when planning weddings and have some strange ideas. My sister was like that too. Dont keep trying to change her mind, she'll be liking the attention! You are better than that! Shes obviously not the friend you thought she was... she's probably worried you'll take the limelight off her if youre pregnant come the wedding. Very selfish and very immature if you ask me! Keep smiling, when you succeed ttc, her poxy wedding will pale in comparison image xx
  • Thank you all for being so supportive, I have come to terms with this now and will leave it to her now to get in touch with me. Yes it hurts that I'm not gonna be her bridesmaid but she has shown me just how selfish she can be.

    Thanks again.

    Denxx
  • What a load of crap from your so called friend and the dress shop! Poor you *hugs*

    The dress shop is talking out of their backsides! Its absolute nonsense how much time they claim they need to sort things out!! I get married in a month and I'm 18 weeks pregnant and my wedding dress is being started this week by my dressmaker! She did admit that she panicked a bit when I told her I was pregnant, but if she can do a whole dress in a month (plus alter my bridesmaids dresses!) then I don't see why one dress shop can't deal with one possibly pregnant woman.

    One of my bridesmaids has been ttc since before we chose their dresses and if she'd got pregnant then we'd have dealt with it somehow! ALso - I know someone else getting married who has arranged for her bm's dresses to be made due to pregnancies - so that they can be done as late as possible!

    Sounds like she just doesn't want to comprimise - after all you have suggested to try and help out! Some people seem to turn into scary bridezillas and aren't willing to accept that they can't have everything their ways!

    Best of luck ttc - as funky rabbit says - once you have your little one on the way, her poxy wedding will be nothing!

    (ps..if this sounds arsey...its not meant to..I'm stressed today due to pain in the arse bridesmaids that are too busy for dress fittings!!!)
  • I know I got stressed when I was getting married, she has over a year to go though, dread to think what she will be like this time next year!!!!

    You guys have been sooo good to me over this, thanks for your help and kind words.

    Den xx
  • I'm trying really really hard to not get stressed cause its not good for the baby but I'm struggling today!

    If she's like this now then she'll probably be a nightmare in a years time!!

    Your husband sounds great btw.. maybe I'll mention your post to my oh and see if I get a spa day too image
  • I know that everybody says that it's the brides day and she should get what she wants but this is ridiculous!
    The dress shop sounds crappy if you ask me but what I would do is contact the dress shop direct to get it straight from them about the alterations because your friend might be exaggerating things slightly. She might not want you pregnant on her wedding day in case it takes any of the attention away form her.
    Does she have any kids of her own or has she ever been ttc?
    xxx
  • I might just give them a call, it's not that I don't believe her but someone at work today suggested that perhaps my friend just didn't want so pregnant lady stealing her thunder and now its been suggested here too.

    I have just had a chat with my friend (she called me) she just keeps on going round and round in circles about what the bridal shop has said et etc. I have told her now that I am OK with it cos can't be doing with banging my head against a brick wall.

    I feel soooo selfish but can't help it. I just ended up crying to her and she now thinks there is more to it. She said I should perhaps tell my parent and in laws that i am ttc but as i have tried to explain to her, I don't want them to be involved at such an early stage in my ttc.

    I only told her because i thought she was my best friend.

    She doesn't have any kids and as far as I know she has never ttc

    I find myself wishing that one of the other bridesmaids would fall pregnant....how bad is that.

    She actually asked me to "put myself in her shoes" I told her that I let my bridesmaids choose there own dresses so would quite happily has chosen a style to complememnt a pregnant lady, don't think that went down too well!!
  • oh just had a bitchy thought....... hope you get pregnant and are as big as a house and give birth right at the first dance lol...and she gets pregnant unexpectedly before the wedding and can't have the dress she wants serve her right selfish mare ... ttc is bad enough without all that c**p.
    fea x
  • you're right it was a bitchy thought but even better it was a very very funny bitchy thought!! Well done! xx
  • What a cow your friend is and I use that term loosely.

    1st why order now for August next year most shops are OK with orders 3-6 months in advance?

    2nd unless you are all wearing a figure hugging sheath dress can't see how being pregnant cant be accommodated with the dresses

    3rd Most decent dress shops as others said can do the alterations my maid of honor for my wedding this march was ttc when we went dress fitting so they ordered a couple sizes larger so they could do the alterations if needed for her.

    I think its because she doesn't want anyone to be not focused on her 100% of the day. This i can in some way understand as my sister- in - law was pregnant at my wedding and i had a sobbing fit on the day we found out she was pregnant but only to my now husband. BUT as he told me it wont make our day any less special and I have to say after those tears it didn't bother me and as the bride on the day i didn't feel my nose was out of joint or that i was ignored for her in any way.

    Jilly

    Ps like the suggestions of waters breaking during the first dance,
    You could always stand up and leave at the point in the ceremony when they say anyone have any objections to make her sweat and if they ask just say you felt faint/ dizzy and needed air as us pregnant ladies need at times :lol:

  • hi everyone

    i dont think i have ever heard anything so ridiculous and selfish! What kind of a friend asks you to be bridesmaid and then says you cant because you might be pregnant by then that makes me so angry and its nothing to do with me!:evil: maybe its just my hormones lol. If that was me i wouldnt go to the wedding at all UNLESS i was pregnant or had new baby just to piss her off lol.Im not a bitter person or anything honest :roll: lol

    charlie x
  • Hi Guys

    You lot are so bitter and twisted!!! I LOVE IT!!!!!

    My hubby says he isn't going to the poxy wedding, his wrds not mine.

    She thinks i'm being selfish, not her, I'm just gonna let her get on with it!!!
  • Hi Den

    My friend was getting married in June and in May her sister found out that she was 6 months pregnant, there was no way her sister wasn't going to be her bridesmaid so they just got the dress altered. Just sounds like your friend is really overreacting, I got one of my bridesmaids dress taken in 2 days before the wedding due to her loosing loads of weight, no drama!! Sounds like she is not much of a friend, you are probably best out of it (sorry to sound like a bitch). Bex x
  • im going to be a bitch too, but sounds like she jealous if ure pregnant that u will steal the thunder from her! has she thought what if u arent pegnant by then or u already had ur baby!? x
  • I don't honestly understand what her problem is either, I got married last year and have tried to think how I would feel if it had been me, I honestly think I would've been fine with it. I saw her the other day, she asked me if I'd like to do a reading at her wedding!!!!! So fucked off with her, a fucking reading!!!!! What does she want me to say??? How fantastic a friend she is???? How supportive she is being???? How I couldn't have got through the prospect of possibly not ovulating????? Is it me, am I a complete twat????

    GGGRRRRRR!!!!!
  • Hi Den,

    A friend of mine discovered that she was pregnant a few months before being a chief bridesmaid for another friend. After a hissy fit from the bride to be and lots of tears from both sides they got together, both calmed down and chose a dress design that could be altered to accomodate her bump. Your 'friend' will realise how much she has upset you and needs you, and will try to make amends before long. You're not being a 'complete twat', ttc aside she has still been very cruel.

    All the best with ttc,
    Denise xx
  • aaaaarrrrrggggghhhh!!!! bless u! i feel so angry 4 u. i would go to her wedding, and when they ask 4 any reasons y should not b married i would go announce what a cow she had been and spit in the bitches face. my ex friend did something very similer to me 2 yrs ago, i never went to her wedding and so regret not upseting her like shed upset me. only seen her a few thimes since, but still can not talk to her. i still feel angry about it to this day. sorry if im a bit ott, im hormonal and 4days overdue. good luck with whatever u decide. & happy baby making. love pinki.xxxxxxxxxx
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