Am I wrong?

Hi All

Just after a bit of advice really, my partner and i have 2 children together and i have 3 from previous marriage,

I have just gone back to work doing nights (1 one wk and 2 the other) our youngest is 3 months old. My partner and i are always arguing about the amount he drinks ( he drinks every night either 2 bottles of red wine or up to 10 cans of larger) which i dont like especially when i am at work. One of our neighbours always seems to come up when i am not here, she drinks too, i questiopned him about her always coming up when im at work and we ended up arguing, i dont like him having her up here and he cant see why i am annoyed. Am I being stupid or am i right to feel like this? Also she will give him beers if he runs out but he will hide it from me and denie she gave him any im not stupid lol i know how many cans r in the house before i go to work or bed.

Anyway some advice wouold be great




  • hi thanks for your reply.

    He moved out a few months ago because i told him it was us or the drink and he moved out!! but i told him if he gets help he can move back in and he told me he promises to cut down and stupidly i let him move back in and he didnt drink to start with then its gone back to how it was before.

    he doesnt think he has a problem because he doenst drink during the day!!! but that just proves he has a problem and doesnt want to admit it.

    if he carrys on drinking i will have to give up work because i cant trust him with the kids!!

    ive just got to the point where i think, if he wants to drink himself to death then he can, cause i dont know what else i can do

  • bless you. you sound like you need some help and your oh deff does! 10 cans a night! that is loads. my oh likes a drink and will have 1 or 2, but thats it. you have to make him see he cant do this when he's got the kids, what if something happened? he wouldnt be able to drive them anywhere! what about this woman?? if it were me i'd say if he likes drinking with her that much he could go live with her!!! leave you and your kids lives in peace (easier said than done!). i hope it works out for you.
  • I would tell him to leave again and not to come back untill he is soba, 100% soba as it sounds like he has a problem. If he won't clean up his act then to me that sounds like the drink is more important. You need to get across to him that it is dangerous for him to have that much to drink when incharge of the children. I agree with Jinxy write him a letter if he won't listen. And stick to your gunns. As for that other women I don't know what to suggest. My Oh likes a drink in the evening but no more them one or two.
    Sorry if that sounds harsh. Hope all improves soon for your sake and the childrens.
    Take care
    X X X
  • hi thanks for the replies.

    we are not married, thank god to be quite honest!! my divorce came through today yippee lol. we were getting married in jan but ive told him we cant afford to but to be honest i dont want to get married at the mo, especially with his drinking. he has drunk like this sice ive known him which is about 6 yrs weve been together 4yrs nxt month.i know u probably thinking why did i get together with him lol suppose u cant help who u fall in love with.

    he wont go top aa, i went to alanon for a while but he said that if i kept going he would keep drinking!!! i did stop going eventually.
    he stops for a few weeks then he gradually starts drinking more.
    the other night when i worked, he had 7 cans here and when i came home he had drunk those and got 4 more cans from somwhere else(different make of beer, but he wont tell me where he got them from, but i think he must of planned with this other woman , think she left them somewhere 4 him if u know what i mean) the fact that he wont tell me where he got them from makes me even more suspicious of him and this other woman.

  • hi Lisa,

    This doesn't sound good! I think maybe you two need to talk! Have you thought about writing him a letter? I know when me and my oh have something big to talk about - we find it better to email each other - as that way we both don't get defensive and shout at times!
    See if he's willing to do family counselling or something - maybe suggest it as being good for the family etc - not mentioning the drink then maybe that will come out in the sessions.
    One thing that struck me is - if something happens to the little ones - how will he be able to drive them to the doctors or hospital if he's over the limit!
    It's a difficult thing hun - but it sounds to me like you need to sit down and think about this seriously! I know if it was me - there is no way I would be ahppy with a woman coming around drinking whilst I wasn't there - this is not setting a good example if the little ones get up in the night to find daddy in a state!
    I know it's easy for us all to give our oppinions as we aren't living it - you are! And you need to decide what's best for you and the children and if it's giving him the elbow then so be it!!
    We are here if you need to talk - take care and a BIG HUG!!!
    Remember - He's lucky to have you - it's not the other way round!!!
    Lots of Love M
  • I have lived with someone who had an addiction. I know how you feel. You can try all you like to help him and give him ultimatiums but he won't change unless he decides he wants to.

    I hate to say this but the only way to get him to waken up is to put him out (been there done that with my husband just a year ago) I didn't speak to my oh for 6 months didn't allow him near me my home or my kids because he had a problem.

    I contacted him after about six months and we talked about everything. He was desperate to see the kids so I told him he could but that he would meet me alone first so I could see if he had changed. I took one look at him and knew instantly.

    We eneded up getting back together and are now having a baby. Things couldn't be any more different we are like a totally different couple. We rarely disagree let alone argue and I can trust him 101% which I couldn't before.

    I wouldn't compare the life I had before to the one I have now. Please don't live like this. I am not saying that putting out someone you love is for one minute easy- but even his family tell me now that I saved his life by what I done. Being on your own isn't a bed of roses either but I promise you if he is EVER going to change that will change him. I really feel for you and I hope you don't think I sound like a harsh cow but you need to be happy-if not for yourself then for your children.
  • i feel for u hun, my ex drank a lot and it is really hard to deal with and hard to take when drink seems to be more important than family. i wld tell him to leave and if he wants to come back he has to have given up drink(with help) and then take it slow maybe hinm just spending a few hours and working towrards staying the night, u may find life much easier with him not there drinking i def did but u need to do wats best for u and ur kids hun. sounds like he aint gonna stop unless he hits rock bottom and as for the woman i would more than have a few words if u no wat i mean,lol
    i hope u find a way to get through this hun. xx
  • Hey Lisa
    I would listen to KThom122 and take her advice as she definately sounds as if she knows what she's talking about.

    Do it for all of you.
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