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boyfriend left because I wouldnt have an abortion :(

Hiya, I'm 8 weeks pregnant and I'll be 17 when i have it. Sadly now my boyfriend has broke up with me as he "can't forgive me" for making him be a dad! We were together a year and I found out about 2 weeks ago. I was on the pill so it came as a huge shock, when I first told him he actually seemed ok, I thought he was going to be alright about it, he didn't really say alot but he gave me a huge hug and I thought that had to mean something, as he knows I've always been against abortions, he also asked what I wanted to do and I told him I don't think I could go through with an abortion, he still seemed ok.
The next day he started going mad, saying what I was choosing to do wasn't fair, he should have a say , that it should be illegal for me to have the baby if he doesn't want it, that I was trapping him, I was devastated by this reaction but did think it was just a super freak out, but then he gave me an ultimatum. Him or the baby. I couldn't believe he could ask that of me, I know its early days but I don't have it in me for an abortion and he thinks its nothing! "people do it all the time you get over it, its barely a dot in your belly get real" were some of the words he's used.
I've been trying to talk him round every now and then (not going on at him) but he is just evil some of the things he says to me, I am completely heartbroken by this, I know I am young but I genuinely am head over heels for him, it hurts me so much it is the ultimate rejection, not just me but our child. How can he not want his own child, I don't understand it! I told him I already feel attached to it, I've got so overprotective of my belly, and he told me to stop being so cliche! he always said if this happened he'd support me no matter what, well what aload of crap that was! One of his friends told me to dive down some stairs onto a pillow full of bricks and my ex was with him at the time. I'm just at a loss, I'm trying to keep strong for the baby I just can't ignore this constant pain and I'm terrified I'll lose the baby, especially with this extra stress! He also seems to think that he is completely correct in what hes done, supposedly I'm the person in the wrong here what I've done isn't right?! I'm pretty sure thats not true, he broke up with me because I wouldn't have an abortion. Or am I actually crazy or is he right :/

I'm sorry for the eeeextra long rant! I just needed to get it all out. I'd really appreciate anything anyone has to say! & if anybody want to talk or anything leave your msn or something image


  • Hon, Sounds to me like you and your baby are better off without him. I understand it's hard, but his words are so nasty! Imiagine in years to come having to tell your child, "daddy wanted me to kill you"??!! How awful. And excuse me, but doesn't it take two to make a baby?? He got you pregnant, nit the immaculate conception, so he has to take responsibilite for his part in it too.
    I would suggest you cut your losses and run, for your sake as much as the baby's.
    Who know what he'd be capable of when the baby's actually here? Would you trust him with it??
    Good luck x
  • MrsV is right, you would be better off without him and his comments!!!

    How old is he? Do you have a supportive family? Have you told n e one else?

    He has probably gotten over the inital 'oh its great' and maybe realised he's not ready to be a dad and probably worried how you both could raise the baby financially etc.
    But you know whether you are 16 or 36 people will always have their worries bout dealing with having a baby so he needs to get a grip!!!

    You may he head over heels as i was with my bf's at that age but there will always be someone else and someone who will not talk to you in that horrible manner!!

    If you want this baby then you have this baby, it's you body and your choice. Everyone is really nice on here so feel free to rant at any time and we will see if we can help you hun xxx
  • Hes 21, apparently he wants to go to uni & travel, which really he could go to uni still, I know its an excuse though cos he asked if I could wait at least a year so we can get sorted now.
    I know its not an ideal situation and no I'm not exactly ready but I don't really think anybody is until they have their first.
    I've pretty much cut him out of my life now, I won't chase him up to be a dad, we don't need him if he doesn't want to be, If he does ever change his mind I wouldn't stop him being involved.
    Thankfully my family have been fantastic, my parents are so supportive as are my grandparents, I know it'll be alirght in the end, its just hard atm.

    My biological father left my mum & me before I was born too so its quite personal to me, but now I have a fantastic dad, so I know your 100% right in what your saying image

    Thanks so much for the response though, its deffinately made me think more about things, even if I tried putting them to the back of my mind. I'm trying to be alot more optimistic about it!

    I kow this is going off topic a bit, but I've been getting bad belly pains is that normal ?
  • Just wanted to say your belly pains should not be bad. You may get a slight achey feeling that is just muscels stretching and room being made for bub. If they do get particularly painful or there is any blood you should see a doctor.
  • Congratulations!!!!!! He's a tube!!! Reading your post, I think you will make such a great mummy. Try to relax & take great care of yourself.....this is going to be the best experience of your life xxxx
  • congratulations on your pregnancy, i hope all is going well. me and my ex split when i found out i was pregnant, and now 5 years on, i really coundlt care, he doesnt see my daughter,im married to someone else and have a planned baby on the way now and my daughter is very much loved by my husband (we got togtehr when i was 7 months pregnant!) anyway things will work out for the best and you will be a fab mummy!! its his lose, sod him! my ex was alot older than yours (i was 19,and he was over 30) so age is not what his problem is its being immature thats his problem, like my ex,lol!!
    anyhow, do you have a supportive family? dont waste your breath with him, he will still have to pay for the baby as mlong as you work hard to make sure he does (personally i didnt bother as i didnt want his scummy money and i havent struggled)
    anyway best of luck, enjoy your pregnancy xx
  • Hon, Im so sorry to hear that your ex is being a bit mean about the situation. At the end of the day its your body, your emotions and your right to decided what you want to do with your body and baby. The law actually states on the views of abortions that a man has no legal right over the child untill the baby is actually born, because being honest when it comes to pregnacy and child birth they have it easy.
    In my opion he should be a man and step up to his responsibilties, if he didnt want a child so badly he should have put something on the end off it. No matter how much you love him, if you want to keep your baby, stand by your guns....!!! He will have to relaise one day that it was a joint effort to concieve this baby so he has a role to play as dad, even if he isnt there for the child physically he will have to be finacially. CSA will make sure of that. Head up hun, you got a lovely baby growing inside you and that sould be your main concern!!! x x x
  • Hi everyone, thankyou so much for all your replys! alot has happened since then. He came around but changed his mind again to cut a long story short. Im now 22 weeks and expecting a little girl. I feel so much better about all this now, it hurts that he genuinely doesn't want to be there for her but we are both better off without him!!
    Everytime I feel sad she gives me a little kick (actually not that little lol!) and it does the trick. I can't wait to meet her and I'll be the best possible mum I can be to her.
    I know one day he'll end up a bitter old man and wondering but I'm deffinately moving on with my life now! My family have been amazing I really couldn't ask for better! As for the finance side of things, I know it would help but I don't want his money I don't want anything from him. But again thankyou so much for all your help image
    Im just nervous about the actual birth now, my pain threshold is non existent lol! x x
  • Congratultions hun Im sure u will be a great mum and he sounds very immature and childish so u will both be better off without him... are ur parents/friends good support?

    As for the labour, honestly dont worry about it, the best thing is to go with the flow and take all the help/advice offered to u... I found making a birth plan helped ease my worries, plus parentcraft classes were great. I had an epidural and found it a great help (my baby was a big baby too)

    Good luck x
  • Hi glad you are sounding so much more upbeat about everything. Like I said in my last post to you, I havent had any money off my ex and for me that was the best thing. good luck with the birth (i had my friend and mum with me when i had my daughter) you will be fine
  • aww congrats hun. well done for standing your ground. I went through the same thing at the same age. my partner left me as soon as i found out i was pregnant (also got pregnant on the pill) and told him i coudnt go through with an abortion. he offered to pay for it etc and said he'd kill himself if i ever told anyone who he was (we'd only been together a few days and had kept it secret... pretty bad lol). so i have only told my closest friend his name and not even my family etc. havent heard form him since i was 10 weeks pregnant.

    i'm now 18 and a half with a 14mth old daughter and a very supportive and loving family image and trust me, you made the right decision - no man is worth giving up your child. You'll awlways love your dauughter no matter what, and the amount of memories you'll make with her and amount of love you'll have for her will all be worth it.

    as for the labour, trust that your body will know what to do - and afterall its only going to be 1 or 2 days max in your life. No matter how she's born, you'll forget everything when you hold her in your arms image

    Good luck hun, can't wait to hear news of your precious girls arrival! xxxxxxx
    tilly (and maddie)
  • hiya good luck on the birth of ur baby girl, i was in a simiular position last year i found out i was preganant i already had lil girl who was 1 and a half a the time my partner told me if i didnt have an abortion he would leave me and my daughter but if i had the abortion he would stay with us, i thought bout what i thought was rite and had the abortion even tho i new deep down it was rong even after every thing i done for him he left me and my girl the day after the abortion sayin he had met some 1 else. i am now with a new partner who is amazin with my girl and have a baby on the way not planned but very much wanted, i neva thought i would get over it but life is so much better now xxx good luck hun xxx
  • Someone who wanted you to have an abortion just isn't worth it. Stay strong for you and your baby god
  • Thankyou so much for all your support! It really means alot, I don't get on the computer much, but its so lovely when I do get chance to see all your comments. I'm now 35 weeks, had a growth scan today, they reckon she'll be about 7lb. Shes engaged now and I had my 'show' yesterday, so I'm preparing myself, all the ladies in my family have been early, so I've got my hospital bag ready just incase! I'm feeling weirdly excited for the birth though, not the pain obviously, but the experience, I'm trying to be open minded about it lol!
    As open minded as I'm feeling any advice on the labour/birth is much appreciated image Thankyou again everyone and I'll keep you all updated image xxx
  • Hey hun ive only just read your post & iim so sorry for all the crap you have had to go through.
    you sound like you have come a long way.

    Wish you all the luck in the world, you will be a fantastic mummy xx

    Kirsty xx
  • Hiya, just a quick update, I had my little girl Olivia, 3 days late on the 15th feb, she weighed 7lb 3oz and she is just beautiful image My waters went at 6 in the morning and I had her at 16.46pm. thanks everyone for your support x
  • oh my gosh congrats!!! What a beautiful name!
    I bet you are thrilled image
  • Congratulations hon, you will make a wonderful mother.
    So sorry you had such a bad start to the pregnancy, but I'm sure Olivia will more than make up for that! Well done xx
  • hello, just read your 'story' and want to say congratualtions on the birth of your little girl, you will make a great mum! gorgeous name too! enjoy your little princess xxxx
  • congratulations charli hun, 15th feb is a great day! (although i am biased as that's my mums birthday!)
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