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controlled crying

i know i havent posted for a long time but could do with some reassurance, millie is now 15 months old and hasnt slept through ever i know its my fault because i rock her to sleep then she wakes up and im not there, im so tired now tonight we are trying controlled crying the health visitor advised me to do this, its awful she has been crying for 45 minutes now, i bathed her and gave her her bottle then put her in her cot, i cant stand it i feel so cruel i just hope she goes to sleep soon, i feel guilty omg im a bad mum its all my fault i shouldnt have spoiled her, has anyone else had to do this? sorry for the rant love paula x


  • if you can't stand the crying try the 'pick up and put down method' i couldn't stand controlled crying it made me feel awful too i'll explain this method it worked wonders for me:

    put baby to bed as usual

    then if she crys and stands up as soon as you leave her lie her back down

    keep doing it (it may take a while!) but you are still training her to go to sleep but you are still there in the room and she doesn't feel alone or abandoned

    it may take 3 or four nights but you should see the amount of time you are 'putting her down' decrease she may have a rebellious phase after about 4days but stay strong it WILL work i promise

    hope you feel better soon and have a good nights sleep x x

  • hiya paula

    i was still living with my mum when my baby sister had to do the controlled crying routine, mum had kept her in her room with her for 18mnths and was used feeding at night cuddles etc and seeing someone there the first night going back every 5mins took 4 1/2 hrs the next night 2 the next one then half hour to an hour for a week or so and then that was it.

    I had to do it with jack as i totally spoiled him laying with him etc letting him in my bed for a month when he was 6mnths it took a week and i dont know how long he cried but i know it feels like eternity when your listening, best of luck and stay strong youll both be happier at the end of this xxx

  • i think your bring hard on yourself, we all do it to a degree. but as the others have said it can take a few nights and with our eldest it took a week but remember its for the best and that its doesnt last forever, so try not to get disheartened your doing the right thing. I heard of a method that involved holding babys hand until they fall asleep then next night sit in the chair next to cot but no contact then over the course of a week move the chair further away until its out the doorits a method that takes longer but it does work if they are very upset with not having any contact with you
  • thanks it only took 15 mins of crying last night and she slep from 7.30 til 7 this morning hope we can keep that up x
  • thats great news paula! long may it continue. Good luck xxximage
  • Hi Paula, pls don't ever say your a bad mum-YOU ARE NOT.

    You are a good mum,and i'm so pleased only 15mins last night. I'm afraid to say I was very strict and did controlled crying with both of mine after a friend confessed before id had kids that she hadn't slept properly for 5 years! I could not hack that,but it is such a hard routine to stick to,i felt such a bitch,but my boys do sleep well,thank god.

    Good luck to you and Millie  xx

  • I've had to do controlled crying with some of mine.Harry screamed the minute he saw his cot and didn't sleep day or night for two whole weeks.Not fun cos we were living with my parents at the time.He did get through it,all mine ATM actually love their beds.They just have to learn to settle.Doesn't make you a bad Mum,your doing what's best for Millie.Lots of time for cuddles and fun in the daytime.
    Good luck,hope it all goes well.It will get better
  • hiya paula i'm the same too and what made it worse was we would do the controlled crying for a wk harvey would go backto normal and start sleeping 6:30pm til 7am then two wks or so later he would start again and we would go back to our old habits of getting him up cause we would worry he was thirsty/poorly/too hot or cold.which led bk eventually to the controlled crying only this time hewould be more persistant because he could remember that we would get him up after a while and getting him bk to normal would take wks.

     the best advice i can give is make sure you've done everything possible for baby (milk,juice,hugs,clean nappy) and then when she does cry you wont feel so guilty because you'll know you have done everything possible to help her she has to do the rest on her own.remember you might have nights where she will try it on even after you have initially solved the problems but you must stick to the controled crying because if you show her you'll give in with time as she gets old her persistance will get stronger.

     i used to be so proud when i finally got him bk to sleeping and felt such a crap mum when he lapsed again but being consistant i think is the key...dont break the pattern even if she does or you'll never get any peace!lol

     good luck honey


  • thanks everyone, we are still doing well about 15 mins crying most nights and occasionally waking during the night for a little while, xx
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