PLEASE HELP!

Replies

• x.Laura.x

  Sep 18, 2009 10:45PM

  as much as i hate to admit it, ive been in this situation, in a previous relationship, it was more complicated though i was very young and we found out at 9 wks there was some problems, anyway putting that aside Ive NEVER got over it, i stil remember my due date, when my scan was, everything and cant help thinking what if, its easier for me as i know had i not made that choice i wouldnt have the beautiful family i have now, and having had my children i couldnt do it again, never under any circumstances, if youre having doubts dont make a hasty decission, you need to decide what you want hun, i dont know for sure obviously but my dd was an accident and to begin with my other half was devastated as our first was just a few months old when i fell pregnant but by 12 weeks hed come round and he adores her and she adores him, maybe you need to sit down and have a long chat, money and cars are all irrelavant we were struggling when we had our first but since having lola weve got our life in order and are probably more secure than we ever have been, your feelings, health and mental state are priority and of course yours and you husbands relationship, an abortion is a horrific thing to deal with especially when your unsure if you want it, trust me i know, hope you can make a choice thats right for you all, take care, and really think,

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• tracey wort

  Sep 18, 2009 11:11PM

  hi, do what is best for you im 19 weeks pregnant with my 5 my youngest is only 11mths i went though the same thing i even went to the hospital for the termination twice with this pregnancy as i listed all the things you have about not having it but at the end of the day i new in my gut what i wanted and needed to do, my husband was dead against having this baby but has now come round to the idea it has taken some time but hes looking forward to it coming and cant wait wait to find out what it is... ive never had a termination but i did lose one and if its anything as bad as that i just wouldnt be able to cope with my feelings.... i think you should sit down and think though what you alone can and want to do and make your mind up then tell your patner what you would like to do at the end of the day this is you and your body and what you feel you can do, termination would be the easy thing to do but could you cope after and regret it?? i hope this helps you a little bit best wishes and good luck with what ever you decide to do tracie x

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• lauren69

  Sep 19, 2009 12:11AM

  yeah u have both really highlighted all my feelings really. my relationship with my husband is strong , we adore our children and he has a secure job although money is tight. I think he just wanted a bit more 'us' time since our youngest starts school next yr. We have been changing nappies for nearly 7 yrs non stop and it is hard but i LOVE having babies. I think ours were easier than most since they were breastfed and sleep was barely disturbed for us. I dont think im helping the situation as when he asks me what we're doing about it i just keep saying i dunno, but then im off booking hospital appointment so hes really confused. he said he wishes i would just tell him either way what we are doin but has made it clear this isnt what he wants and im scared it will strain out relationship and give my living children less attention. im also really dreading telling people especially family, they think im mad having this many and its always like - dont have any more now! i feel kinda embarressed by this pregnancy and have just been ignoring it. I know in my gut i dont want a termination but then i feel selfish towards my family, i feel totally torn. my biggest fear is even though my husband is the best father ever, that he will resent this child and not bond with it. i feel like if i go through with this pregnancy il have little support from him. He has never been very excited about pregnancies even when the kids were planned, he just rather wait til the baby is here i think through being scared really something might go wrong. he emotionally detatches himself until the baby arrives safe and well. i know il be one of these people who will be affected for life by abortion, due dates and all that, i just something would click inside me to make up my mind 100%. also i keep looking at pics of pregnancy development and obviously the later i leave it the more formed it is. i keep watching abortion videos and sobbing my heart out. i just wish this would all go away. i think i will have a talk with him tomorrow though and tell him even though its not ideal i dont think i can abort and see his reaction. i just wont be able to get excited around him and i know its gonna cause arguments. the way i look at it yes it is a setback to our lives but every child is a blessing really and how can u ever regret a child?

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• tracey wort

  Sep 19, 2009 12:25AM

  dont worry what other people will say you will give them something new to talk about for a few weeks untill something eles pops up lol i think im the talk of the school with this one ha ha ha , plus i thought my parents would go mad but they where really happy for us both sides my brother said im crazy but will be the first here when its born, all that matters is you and your husband and kids and if your stable and strong you can do it together plus men never get excited like us about babys untill there here then there showing them off... and your right every child is such a big blessing and theres no room for regret when you see there sleeping faces good luck with your talk hope every thing works out well for you.

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• theoldwomanwholivesinashoe

  Sep 19, 2009 8:07AM

  Hi Lauren.

  You have to what's best for you.Don't care what anybody else thinks about how many children you have,it's none of their business and don't be afraid to tell them so.

  I have 7 kids.A baby can be unplanned,I don't believe it's ever a mistake.There's no greater reward.You find the time,you find the space and if you're financially secure the rest will fall into place,you've time tp plan ahead.I can't say my husband was always pleased with the news of another,but he knew this is what's happening and he came around once he was used to the idea.Neither of us have any regrets.

  I believe every one of my children the greatest gift I could be given.Yes they're hard work,we live in a larger than average house,drive a larger than average car and spend a fortune at Tescos every week but these are a small price to pay.

  I have had thoughts of OMG how will we manage when first pregnant,then I work it out,there's nine months to work out how you'll manage and you'll do more than manage you'll enjoy that.

  Sorry that's all very one sided but I just wanted to say it can be done,it's not so bad if that's what you want.Anyway,take your time,think carefully,make sure you don't make a decision you might regret  later.

  Good luck.

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• Lewie

  Sep 21, 2009 6:46PM

  Hi Lauren,

  Having just lost a baby at 12 weeks, I would have to say miscarriage is not the easy option and if it were me I would obviously go ahead with the pregnancy. If its just material stuff (cars, money etc) thats making you want to abort then I don't think you should cause you can get round that, and you will always find time for your other beautiful children. If its what you really want, your husband will come round. My partner has never been excited about pregnancy either, but seeing his reaction when we got the news our baby had died made me realise just how much he really does want another baby.

  I think you really need to think long and hard and talk, talk, and talk some more with your husband and be absolutely certain before you make any hasty decisions.

  Lewie x

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• yorkshirelou

  Sep 24, 2009 9:47PM

  neva hav an abortion cos u feel u shud cos of ya husband or money or ya kids-u musnt-i agree wi it mum further u- p laura that now ive kids i cudnt do that-but if u do its parament its for u not anyone else-its your body,life and baby-also things often turn out ok in the end-it l be ok

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• jayrach162

  Aug 14, 2015 10:12AM

  hi all im really really confused and i really dont know what to do ?? im 6 weeks pregnant today and this is mine and my fiances first pregnancy together, my fiance has a 15 year old daughter and a 9 year old son and a 6 year old son whom he does not see as the ex has stopped him seeing them as she is jealous of our relationship she split us up once and we decided to try again he said he regrets it and he loves me to bits but now she is telling us she is 26 weeks pregnant , i have 3 boys 12 , 9 and 7 and i had a miscarriage at 14 weeks and a stillborn at 24 weeks and now my fiance is saying that he doesnt want this baby he says hes too old (hes going to be 38 in november ) and he said he also doesnt want this baby cos he cant see his other kids but i am 35 and i seriously dont know if i can have a abortion i really dont know what to do ????

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